Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
Man shares disturbing saga; 'I finally realized that something is VERY WRONG with my wife.' UPDATED

Man shares disturbing saga; 'I finally realized that something is VERY WRONG with my wife.' UPDATED

ADVERTISING

When this man is very concerned about his wife's behavior, he tells the internet:

"There is something wrong with my wife."

I’m posting here because my wife does not use or even really know what Reddit is and I can’t speak to anybody else but my therapist about it. I’ve tried asking friends and family, but none of them understand the gravity of what I’m saying, honestly.

I’m a 37 year old man and my lovely wife, 36, and I have little to no problems with each other. However, upon noticing little things that are mounting up to a rather terrifying level, I’m not sure I can ignore this anymore. She’s a great person.

She’s done so much for me this whole marriage and respects that I do not want to have se% after a rather traumatizing experience that I don’t need to get into. She does little things that shows she listens and cares about me and I do the same for her.

I want to stay with her because we’ve been married for 10 years now and she is all I know, but lately I just don’t know what’s going on and why she’s acting the way that she is.

The first notable time was when we found an egg on the curb. We assumed it was from our neighbor, given that they have chickens and maybe an egg rolle out or something.

Without a second thought, my wife stomped on the egg. Now, I would have been fine had it been an infertile egg or a cooking egg without anything, but the entire fet@s was seen and I threw up.

She laughed, saying that it was funny and at least the neighbors don’t have to worry about another chicken. I told myself that it was just an egg and she had no idea that there would be a fetus in it, but her reaction afterwards rattled me.

I brushed it off because, like I said, I love her. Maybe that is stupid but I do. I really love her. But the things continued, and my love for her is wavering.

Some notable things I remember were stated below.

We have a dog (we’ll call him Butter). Butter is the most calm dog in the world, and housebroken and well-trained. However, one time, he was very sick and irritated and he went number two on the carpet. My wife screamed at Butter.

Screamed. I told her to stop because the damage was done already and Butter is a dog who is sick. I cleaned the carpet and she never blew up at Butter again, but it rubbed me the wrong way how mean she was to him. I understand that she was frustrated, but Butter started crying and trying to give her paw, and she kept screaming at him.

My mom passed in 2020. Natural causes. But I was very close with her and it took many years to accept it. I keep her favorite bracelet on a table with family photos of her and me. One day, it was missing and I had a panic attack. The bracelet was made by my mom’s grandfather, and she wore it every day. It was a part of her.

But when I told my wife, she told me that she sold it. I sobbed. I wasn’t mad at her, just devastated. But soon after, the bracelet was back on the table and I asked her about that. She started laughing and saying that “you should have seen your face.”

When we were gardening, I noticed I dropped my keys. She was grouchy since it was hot and she was planting flowers since the morning. When she found them, she threw them at my face and it cut my nose. She felt horrible, but that reaction threw me off.

One time after work on Halloween, I was feeling particularly depressed for no reason. I don’t blame her for this, but she played a prank on me and jumpscared me (something we do every Halloween).

I started crying and having a breakdown because it was kind of the last straw for me after my shift. She laughed, and kept laughing, then went back to the living room and watched TV.

One time on Facebook, we found out that a classmate had been in a car accident. I told her, and she shrugged, saying that she didn’t really know her so it doesn’t matter.

It’s okay for her to not care about the victim, but the poor girl was heavily injured, and my memories of her from school were pleasant and she genuinely didn’t deserve what happened.

My wife and I love horror. We are horror fans. But I cannot stand vi@lnce against @nim@ls. It disturbs me. So, when we put on When Evil Lurks, as you can imagine, I threw up. The kicker is that she has seen it but wanted to watch it with me since she loves it so much. I’m happy she loves it. But I would have appreciated a warning, which I vocalized. She shrugged it off and that was that.

That’s a few, but the worst of it happened just yesterday. I tried my hardest to not say anything, but it might be my last straw. I was cleaning up our room and my wife was at work, and I found a journal buried underneath the mattress as I was swapping sheets.

For some reason, I opened it and realized quickly that it was my wife’s diary. I would have put it back if I didn’t see the words on the page. I was horrified.

She wrote that when she was driving, there was a line of ge#se crossing the street. Annoying, yes, but the thing you are supposed to do is wait. My wife wrote that geese are a useless species so it shouldn’t matter if a few get run over. Yes, she just ran over two geese on the road. Again…I was horrified.

I know what people will say, so I’m going to answer a few questions.

I love her. I recognize that sometimes, her behavior is unacceptable and concerning. I recognize the concern which is why I am here in the first place. But you all have to realize that for the past 16 years now, she’s been my world.

We dated for six years before getting married, and it’s been ten years since our wedding. In those sixteen years, I’ve witnessed her go through horrific things and she’s witnessed the same. It’s hard to sum up those sixteen years, but it’s difficult and I’m already saying too much. I noticed the change over the past three or so years.

Even then, in the moment, I didn’t see it as an issue until reading that little journal entry.

I can’t just leave her, but I can’t act the same around her after finding that out. I realize that I need to confront her about what I saw, but truthfully I am afraid. I never knew it was something she was capable of until I read it and started putting the pieces together. Whatever is going on, I don’t know what to do with it.

She has a therapist and so do I. She seems genuine. But I don’t know what to do, knowing that she willingly killed an animal without any remorse.

Honestly, I just don’t want to leave her. I met her young, and all I know is her. She’s seen me through the most vulnerable parts of my life and vice versa. Her family and my family are basically intertwined.

We all love each other. She’s basically been there longer than when she hasn’t. If I have to leave her, I think that will be it for me. That’ll be all I have. I’m 37, which isn’t old but also not desirable either. I don’t even know why she had a crush on me because I personally don’t think I’m desirable.

I don’t even know if this post will make sense. I don’t know if anyone will take the time out of their day to read my struggles. My therapist is on vacation so I can’t tell her yet. I need somebody to talk to, because everybody that I’m telling brushes it off since she is a very sweet person to them. I just want to fix this.

Edit: Answering some questions. I said “she’s witnessed horrific things.” I mean that a family member of hers has passed, and one of our mutual friends passed as well. But this didn’t happen until months later.

We have no kids, I had a rough experience I won’t delve into that made me realize I am ase%ual. And I will ask her soon.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top responses:

engaqeu writes:

I will be super honest with you: I was married for 9 long years to someone just like your wife.

The last straw: one of my cats being beaten to the point of her face being SO swollen, that one eye was shut for a week and she didn’t get out of her hiding spot for three days. Urine and feces in the corner of a closet - I guess she couldn’t bring herself to make a run for the litter box, in case she would encounter him…

I was out the door in a week. It took everything from me but I KNEW this would escalate.

Don’t wait too long, OP. This sounds like a psychopath / covert narcissism. Be safe, take care and PLEASE, confide in family members or friends you trust. Let people know what’s going on!

EDIT: put a french word by mistake for « covert ». We say « pervers narcissique » for covert narcissism

agop writes:

I will also be honest and you don't want to hear this but you don't love your wife. You love an idealized version of her that doesn't really exist its onlya mask she wears. She really is the person underneath that mask.

The one who emotionally abuses you and has no empathy for anyone or anything else. You are her play toy that she uses for her own amusement. Has she probably done a lot of good things for you?

Yes, but that does not outweigh or justify her cruelty. You deserve to be treated better and to be with someone who loves you and would never think of acting the way she does when her mask slips. You are her victim it is no reflection on who you are as a person. Updateme

rivera09 writes:

You have a low self esteem, that much is obvious from the way you write and describe yourself.

That is why you want to stay with a woman who has no empathy, takes pleasure in animals being harmed - even killed and while this would normally be unnerving and freak someone out you seem keen to turn a blind eye.

People who harm animals and take pleasure out of it, start with animals but it graduates to human beings. I’m so glad you don’t have any kids with her. You have said you don’t want to leave her and strangely you seem to believe that at the age of 37 you’re on the shelf.

You talk about families being intertwined and that you’ve known her for years and years - so what? People get divorced after years of having enmeshed lives, mutual friends, shared assets, children, pets etc.

So what if you share these things or have been together for years? Is that reason enough to ignore and turn a blind eye to what sounds like psychopathic behaviour?

“She seems genuine” and “she has a therapist” well she is very aware of how she comes across and she wants you to remain in the marriage so she can continue to manipulate you so of course she can do all the right things and come across as cooperative and reflective.

She’s not silly at all and she knows exactly what she is doing. She hasn’t become this way, her mask slips every now and then but she puts the mask back on to keep you where you are, exactly where she needs you to be.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m telling you, you don’t know your wife like you think you do.

faeg writes:

OP, dude... Your wife sounds like a sociopath - I don't mean that as an insult, I mean that literally. I mean, considering the animal cruelty, callous behavior toward you, and the fact that she doesn't seem to need se%ual intimacy without also being ase%ual just seems to indicate to me that lacks a desire for emotional connections - at least with you.

You have a whole history, so far be it from me to tell you who feels what in your relationship, but based on the snippet you've provided, it almost sounds like she doesn't actually care about you as a person and is with you out of some form of convenience.

But regardless of that, I would hesitate to confront her about those things head on. If she'll kill animals for fun, and is willing to emotionally torment and physically harm you for entertainment as you've described, I would be very concerned about what she might do if your confrontation actually upset her. Be careful.

hubdos writes:

I worked with a woman whose husband gradually went off the deep end. His was more abuse towards her that started off as irritation that led to yelling that led to throwing things that led to him putting his hands on her.

She left him. Their kids, witnessing his behavior, sided with the mom and cut him off. A little while after, he went to the ER with some dizziness and a headache and the CT scan revealed the biggest brain tumor-stage 4.

The woman was devastated and sobbing at work when she found out. She kept saying that she had “left him when he was most vulnerable” and “she never thought it was something like cancer” and she blamed herself for not helping him “find it sooner.” It was so hard to watch her and feel her pain.

If she hasn’t always been this way, please drive her to the ER for an evaluation.

nomen writes:

It sounds like your wife is in need of more mental help than her therapist has a clue about. People with certain mental disorders are good at hiding their true selves until they no longer can, and it sounds like she is reaching that point.

Be safe, don't confront her about it until you've told your therapist. You're therapist may offer to have her come to therapy to do it there, or see if you can get an appointment with her therapist first.

If you confront her at home, you risk her getting violent with you or potentially even "butter." If you talk to your therapist and something does happen, you will have a witness in a way in your corner if it's needed.

Hurting @nim@ls or finding any kind of joy in it like she does is not a good sign.

As far as you feeling like you are undesirable, it sounds like you haven't had enough experience in the world to really judge that. You've been with the same person for pretty much your entire adult life and it really could be her that's caused you to feel this way. You say you love her but it's it romantic or platonically?

And now, OP's update:

Thank you for your comments and your time. I’ve had a long month, and there’s a lot to say but I honestly cannot stress enough how much your support and words, harsh or not, mean to me.

I’ll say what has been on my mind lately, but if anybody just came for this, here it is; I’m leaving my ex-wife, Anna, but we are still living together as I pack my things. I’m not really scared of her anymore so that’s her name.

I sat down and had a conversation with her. Everything I wrote down and posted here was copy and pasted from Google Docs. I left some details out since they were identifiable for both Anna and I. I showed it to her and she blew up at me. I understand why she was angry.

I did share information about our marriage and life on the internet. Her emotions were reasonable. But I started to get very irritable, she listened to the word vomit that just spewed out. She didn’t interrupt me or yell at me because I think she realized in that moment how badly it was all affecting me. I begged her to just hear me out and surprisingly she did.

She admitted to me that she also recognized that she was changing and told her therapist about it (do I believe her? not really).

She said that she’s been scaring herself and that she’s been having @nger issues flaring up that she’s noticed, and as some of you predicted, she didn’t want to give se% up so she cheated on me with some guy she met at her job.

Honestly, by the time she explained herself, I didn’t care. Because I don’t. With everything that has happened, this was the least shocking. I asked Anna, genuinely, if she loved the man she met and she said yes, which hurt but also didn’t seem like a surprise to me.

I told Anna that if she didn’t love me, I can divorce her and we can figure out the separation and home situation. She agreed far too quickly, but I was so emotionally exhausted and done with her sh@t that it didn’t register how little she valued the marriage to just toss it out like it was nothing.

I just told her that for the next guy, she needs to get help. She agreed that she would check herself into the hospital. Some of you suggested a tumor but that wasn’t the case.

Her explanation was that the other man got her into dr@gs. That’s all I will say on that matter because it’s all she told me. At this point, I don’t even care what the reason was because the impact was the same.

Honestly, I’ll forever kick myself down for not recognizing any warning signs sooner. It should have never gotten to the point that it did and while it may not be my fault, I’m haunted every day by the thought that I could have been smarter and stopped her from doing everything that she did.

When I say that she wasn’t always like this, I mean it. She didn’t give a specific date from when her affair started, so I can’t pinpoint it to an exact event that happened. I miss the woman she used to be, the lovely girl I’ve known for almost two decades.

I know this was something that had to be done but no matter how many times I tell myself that, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

For those wanting to know, Butter is safe. He’s a good boy and he’s staying with my sister while I pack up to leave. My wife never physically hurt him but she has yelled at him a few times. It hurts not having him here all the time since my sister’s house is 30 minutes away. But he’s safe and I actually see him tonight.

I also informed my family about this situation. I didn’t want to but I knew it was necessary. They understand and apologized for their brushing off of the situation. But to be fair, I downplayed it so that could also be why they didn’t see it as an issue. Her family knows we are splitting as well.

As for me, I don’t really have friends that are available that often so I’ve spent most of my time alone in the house and thinking to myself. It was our house at one point. I remember when we first bought it and how excited she was. My best friend and I are going to eat out together, so that’s something to look forward to.

And she’s still admitted. I don’t hear from her because they take your phone away at the hospital. I hope she can recover but after everything that my therapist, family, best friend, and you guys have said, I can’t bring myself to stay with her. Breaking it off felt like ripping my own arm off.

I was devastated and still am. She seemed distraught as well but I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t think she doesn’t care about me. I think there’s a part of her that still cares. But maybe I’m wishfully thinking.

Even through everything I can’t be mad at her. But I know loving her isn’t good for me. Is it wrong to forgive her? To see everything from her side? It hurts. It really does. I don’t know anything but her.

It feels like my life is over even though it isn’t. I don’t want to date again but I just want to connect with other people. It didn’t click how isolated I was until I left, and I realize now that she is at fault for my lack of communication with anybody.

If I had to conclude this jumbled mess of an update, it’d be this. I’m going to be fine. It’s only been like, two weeks but it’s been the longest two weeks of my life. I realize that there are more people around that support and care about me. It honestly was really hard to accept that Anna was a disturbed individual who didn’t love me.

Sometimes, I still convince myself that she does. But everybody around me states that she doesn’t. And I’m coming to terms with this. It’s progress; I’ve spent more than sixteen years with this woman tormenting me and I have a warped perception of reality.

It truly is not easy to experience any of this and honestly sometimes I want to come back to her. But I know that maybe I can find the woman (or man) for me that will love me the way I need to.

I’m working it out in therapy, and honestly I’m still frightened of Anna. But I am thankful that she was the catalyst to a new chapter of my life. I learned a lot from this, mostly what love is and isn’t.

Thanks. You guys have good perspectives on things. I can’t say that Reddit is what fixed my problems but I can say that leaving was a result of the extra push you guys provided.

I wish Anna the best, wherever the future takes her. While I’m sad that the future will not have me in it, I think this was the best for both of us, since she didn’t seem to love me and I now fear her.

This should be the end of my updates. I don’t really see this updating further unless something happens with her. I want to be done with this and I want to move on.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content