When this man shares the saga of finding out he has a teenage daughter, he asks the internet:

DNA confirmed that I (39m) have a daughter (18f), What now?

And yeah, I feel just as you would imagine. But it gets worse. She lives in the US, I'm in Europe. I don't know how to do this and really need advice.

So what happened is that months ago i got a call from a US number. Didn't answer since I don't know anyone there. Then again the same day, so I answered ready to yell at some scammer. A girl on the other side introduces herself and just say that she thinks I might be her father. That was the first thing she said.

"Hi my name is Jane and I think you might my father." (fake name). Obviously I told her I don't have any children and that she has the wrong number. But then she drops a name I haven't heard in, you guessed it, 18 years!

Back around that time I was in the US for a year on a job exchange with our sister company. Met a woman there and we hooked up over maybe a few months. I remember buying condoms after meeting her but I can't remember if we used them every time. Anyway I gave her my non-US number but never heard from her again.

The girl on the phone asks me if my name is OP and I freak and almost hang up on her. She tells me more about her mother and I just sit there like an idiot. She'd found my name and number in her mother's diary, and now as she turned 18 she wanted to contact me. She lives with her relatives now since her mother is unable to take care of herself for some reason. I still don't know the details there.

She ask me if I'd be willing to do an ancestry DNA test and even offered to pay for it. She ends by saying I should think about it and ask if she can call me again. I just say sure and we hang up. I swear I was about to faint right there and then. The whole conversation lasted only like 5 minutes.

I end up taking the test and we talk a few more times. The test took forever but yesterday she sent me a screenshot of her profile matching 50% to mine. I mean, that's just it right?

We havent spoken since, just messaged some. I lied and told her I've been busy and we'll talk later, which now makes me feel like an ass. Up until this point I've kept it together, holding on to the thought that I'm probably not the dad, but now I can't deny it. Its probably been half my life since I last cried.

I haven't told anyone this. I was kinda hoping the DNA test would come back negative and then I wouldn't have to. How to even break this to my family? I just know they'll all want her number so they can call her and then they would start flying over to see her or bringing her here.

They're really pushy like that. My mom is going to freak out. I don't see my family more than a few times a year, but we'll all get together during easter. Should I do it then with all of them at once or one at a time?

I have a picture of Jane, but not much more info than what I've written here. I'm the youngest sibling and now I suddenly have the oldest of the cousins in the next generation. And I never wanted kids at all. I just don't like them and hate being tied up. Even had a vasectomy since then.

And that's the easy part. The real problem is what to say to Jane. Can some sane person give an example of what to say? I've promised to call her tomorrow.

Has anyone discovered they have an unknown child? If so, what did you do? How did it go? How did you connect? What happened when you met for the first time? What did your family say?

I'm a bit embarrassed by this, but is there any risk of me having to pay child support retroactively? I can probably afford it, but I don't really want to.

tldr: Got contacted by a young girl claiming to be my daughter, DNA later confirmed. Need help on how to proceed and what to say to her and my family.

I apologize for the abomination of a text above. I blame the alcohol.

Some seems to have the impression that I and/or my family are wealthy. This is not so. I wrote in a comment that knowing my family, they would probably rent a private jet and fly her here. That was a joke commenting on what they would want to do, not what they would do. No I'm not weathy either.

In the post I wrote "I can probably afford it, but I don't really want to." and I meant that I'd hate to suddenly have something like 10% of my savings left overnight (just guessing here, no idea what the actual sum would've been). I'm sure anyone here would consider that factor.

Anyway someone said the limit is 3 years back. I didn't know that. I can be an asshole sometimes, but I'm not some monster. The money question was A question, not THE question.

Yes, I have had my number for a long time. Never had a reason to change it.

We had our first video call today, and it was a long conversation. I had a list of things to bring up, mostly from suggestions here, so ever thankful for that. Most of it was quite personal for both of us, so I won't write it here.

But it boils down to that we both want to continue to stay in touch and get to know each other. We also want to meet at some point, even if we don't know when yet. Her family knows of me and they will join a call in the future so I can speak to them as well. I will hold off on telling my family for a while, but I will probably tell them one at a time.

And now, OP's update:

Hello all. A while back I made a post asking for advice. Back then I had just had it confirmed by DNA that I had a daughter I never knew about. I called her Jane in the other post so I will here too. Jane is the result of me hooking up with a woman while I was in the US

It was really interesting to read about other's experiences in the comments and DMs. It's crazy what DNA tests have done in recent times. Some wrote that Jane is probably just a kid looking for her roots and you were absolutely right.

I've been getting a steady stream of DMs since my last post. Most have been nice, just asking for an update. Then there were the absolute nutcases who can't read and told me to drown myself. Hi to you too.

Jane and I continued to talk after my last post. Mostly about her life, her mother, the family trees etc. I never thought I would connect with her like I did. She's a very intelligent and mature young woman.

My family knows now and it went better than expected. Mom and sister still went a bit apeshit, but dad knocked them out with a large club he always carry with him (to the nutcases, no that last bit didn't actually happen).

Funny thing, my brother in law actually distracted mom by reminding her that she has made sweaters for all the other grandkids but now she's way behind on one.

All of them understandably wanted to call her, but my daughter (yes its pretty cool to be able to say that) and I had already planned to have that call the following day. And it went really well. We made introductions, explained everything that had happened and that we planned for me to meet her by myself before anything.

And guess what, we did meet! I flew over for a 10 day stay since I'm on leave and she's working during the summer. That way we could hang out in the evenings and weekend and I could go full tourist during the day. It was surreal from the start.

I landed at the very same airport I left from almost two decades ago and she was there to meet me together with her aunt. I can't describe with words what it was like to hug her for the first time. I'd seen her many times in video calls but she was just so beautiful irl I started crying. I met so many people in the first couple of days I can't remember the names of half of them.

I gave her the sweater from my mother, a hand drawn family tree from my niece and a gift I made myself, but I won't tell what that one was =)

While I (still) don't agree with the Georgia weather, I had a blast during the days just walking around town. I went to Janes workplace almost every day and pretended to be a regular customer.

We had lunch and dinners either alone, or with the rest of her mothers side of the family. All of them were so nice and welcoming to me. I visited their house every day, but chose to stay at a hotel since I didn't want to be a bother or impose myself too hard on Janes life.

Obisously Jane and I talked a lot. About anything and everything, but mostly about her upbringing and her mother. I mentioned in the previous post that her mother wasn't able to care for Jane. I didn't press that subject much at first, but it was unavoidable after a while. I won't get into all the details, but her mother is sick and has lost some cognative functions.

She recognizes Jane and some family members well enough, other's not so much. We went to visit the facility where she lives and Jane introdiced me by name (and not as her father). She sadly didn't recognize me, so I stayed in the background for the remainder of our stay. Seeing a woman not much older than myself in such a state was a somber experience.

So yeah, that was me rambling a bit about what happened after my last post. There was obviously a lot more, but most of it is deeply personal and emotional and I won't go through it here.

I'm back home and we are keeping communications open. I'm definitely gonna fly Jane over here at some point when life allows it. But other than that, we have no specific plans for the future. Hope you all have a nice day =)