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Man shares the saga of leaving his fiancé of 8 years. 'This was the ultimate betrayal.' AITA? PART 2 OF 2 PART STORY

Man shares the saga of leaving his fiancé of 8 years. 'This was the ultimate betrayal.' AITA? PART 2 OF 2 PART STORY

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When this man decides to leave his fiancé of 8 years, he asks the internet:

"I have decided to leave my fiancé of 8 years. AITA? PART 2 of 2"

Before reading, take a look at Part 1!

UPDATE 1 OF PART 2:

Hey everyone, just want to give a quick 2 week update. Nothing has changed with my ex and we have gone no contact per my request. I have been pretty depressed and upset lately due to everything but I have read some comments on here and I have to say many of you cheered me up. However, after going no contact with my ex I found out some horrible things.

Especially on a, I guess an update sub, where they take stories ands share them there (this is the thread my ex found and sent me). I read one thread of comments by some women that brought me to tears.

They were saying who they were glad that there are men who are confident enough to wear makeup and jewelry and other things like I do and think it is sexy.

I don't remember the exact quote but one said that she think it shows his masculinity and that it is attractive to be confident in himself to know worry about what others think and does what makes him happy.

I just want you to know you brought me to tears ands made me feel better on some of my worse days so far and thank you so much for your comment.

Anyway, not much has happened so far. I do have to go into the office this week for some business so wish me luck. But anyway, this last weekend was really really hard. There was nothing to do for the wedding and since Friday was October 1st and fall/Halloween is my favorite time of year I was pretty depressed.

I am usually decorating with my ex and getting everything setup and ready. Plus, going to local haunted houses and mazes, not to mention spending too much money on Halloween stuff lol. Anyway Friday night I get a call from a good friend from high school.

She calls me to let me know she is so sorry that my ex cheated on me. I said thank you, but then caught the "cheating" part. I have never told anyone and neither has my one friend and his wife or my brother. I asked huh? She then goes on to tell me the full story.

To make it quick I guess when people got the messages from my brother about our change of heart on the wedding, and I guess my ex's extended family and friends were ecstatic. To be frank many were basically saying that they were glad we separated and that my ex deserved better.

They were saying things like it is about time she woke up and left his ass and that then some even said I bet he cheated on her too. I guess my ex saw all these things and then put a big message out for them all to see. I don't know the exact what she did but I guess my ex admitted to her cheating, and the details.

Even mentioned the evidence and how I would never show it to anyone. Then proceeded to say that she is glad that she now knows who is honest in her family and friends and that she now knows to cut off 95% of the people in her life (not her mother or father [they are not happy about us ending and actually loved me]).

That really hurt to know because I honestly thought my ex's extended family and friends liked me. But once again I was a fool.

So, my friend said that we are all going out tonight. I told her I don't really feel like going. She said we are going ands for me to get ready and they will be there in a hour. So, I got shower and put on some jeans and a shirt. They showed up and asked what was I wearing.

For some detail I grew up in mid sized farm community. I have friends who are farm boys/girls, I know weird considering who I am, and of the more eccentric crowd I suppose. My good female friends and the ones husbands and the others wife showed up.

To say I haven't been the most confident is an understatement. I had nothing like I usually do and just haven't felt like it. They said bullshit were getting you ready.

So they come in and procced to get me dressed up, my hair done, and my makeup done. It was a lot fun to be honest. I haven't done this with them in a long time and I really enjoyed our time. Haven't been able to do this with them since college.

Over an hour later, I couple other friends and my buddy and his wife show up. My buddy is actually a farm boy so people think it is weird we are such good friends lol. They had me dressed in less than gender norm clothing and we didn't even go out lol.

We ordered in food, played games, danced/listened to music and had just a lot of fun. My buddy even said "I haven't seen you smile like this in a long time". We all hung out and just had fun, no alcohol (I'm done with that shit).

We all passed out at my house and then everyone got up and left an said we need to do this more often. I am glad they came over because I needed this.

So, I know a small update, but I just am glad I have some good friends who love me for me. Thank you all for the kind words and support over the last couple weeks.

UPDATE 2 OF PART 2:

Hey everyone, for anybody still reading these updates lol. I just wanted to give a little update after around a month since everything occurred. A lot has happened in these last two weeks. Also disclaimer, I never realized I made a typo on fiancée. I haven't noticed that I was making the mistake until yesterday. So, fiancé will now be fiancée lol.

Anyway after my last update I had to go into the office that week. Because of my friends and some nice people on here, I felt confident to wear my makeup to work. I don't really know how to explain it, but think Chris Motionless in a suit and tie. However, I only have earrings and my hair is unique to me.

I go to work like this and on my first day back I notice a very attractive women in the elevator with me. It was just her and I. She had beautiful black hair with blonde highlights. Her makeup was done amazing. She was also wearing a very nice black dress with red heels.

I mentioned to her that I love her outfit and she said thank you. She looked back at me and said she liked my style. Anyway, we got off the elevator at the same time. I said to her, "Oh do you have a meeting with blank"?. She said, "Yes I do. Do you?" I told her yes.

I responded with my handout and my name. She said "Hey (blank), I am Alice." (not her real name). I went "Alice"? She laughed and said "Hi". Off topic Alice and I work in different departments but have to mingle often due to our jobs intercepting with each other frequently. I had never seen a picture or seen Alice in calls.

She has never seen me either. So, we got to our meeting and do our job. At lunch we sit together and just talk. I asked her to go out to dinner since she has never been here before.

She said to me, "I don't think your fiancée would like that". No one from my job was invited our wedding so no one really even knows I was engaged. Alice knew because I told her. I then go on to tell her what happened and she said I am sorry. Shen then agrees to dinner.

We go to a nice little place and have dinner. We are just making small talk when she mention my situation again. I am honest about everything and she start telling me about her situation.

Alice is few years older than me and said how she had been with her HS sweetheart since they were 16. I guess a little over a year ago she stated that he had cheated on her and they separated. She has not dated since.

We continue to bs for a while then we go our separate ways. Next day at work she ask if we can have dinner on Friday since she is leaving on a plane Saturday morning. I said, "Sure sounds like fun". Friday comes around and we got out to some bar place with music.

We have food (no drinks) and dance a little bit for fun. Eventually, we go back to her hotel room and talk for a while. Just usual banter, but eventually she mentions that she hasn't had sex in over a year. I didn't say anything.

She then goes on to tell me that she hates hooking up because no guys are willing to wear a condom and that most guys are hooking up with several women at once that they probably have diseases and haven't even been checked. She looks at me and says, "Do you have any idea what that is like"?

I responded with, "No. I don't". I haven't been single since I was in my early twenties so no. She just keeps going on about how it sucks and how it just shitty out there. I apologize that I don't what it is like.

She says, "Not it isn't your fault. I'm just venting". She said, "I am going to the bathroom.", and I asked her if she wanted me to leave so she could get some sleep since she had a flight in the morning.

She said, "No I will be out in a minute". After a bit she comes out of the bathroom naked. I froze. She asked if we are having sex? I once again just froze. Alice handed me a condom. We had sex.

The sex was great. I know it sounds terrible but I needed that. I felt emasculated after being cheated on and I needed to feel something. I know it is bad but I needed that. My confidence has been better since then.

This was not "love making" like with my ex. This was just dirty rough sex. We woke up, had sex in the shower, got ready, and she left for the airport and wished me luck. Even though the sex was great, I felt empty after.

This is why I was never into hookups. There is no emotions and I am not a fan of that. That was all that happened till last week.

Just quick background for everyone. My ex and my buddies wife are still friends. According to my buddy they have talked since everything came out. I guess it pretty much was I am sorry for what happened but he needed to know.

My ex responded by saying that what she did was the right thing. She was upset that my buddies wife didn't stop her at the club, but my ex understood why given the circumstances. My ex also said that she should have never put her in that situation to begin with.

But to last week. Last week an individual on reddit pm'ed me. I have noticed many of you have an I appreciate the kind words even though I may have not messaged you back. I will keep this person private unless they themselves wish to say who they are.

This person just wanted to talk and stated that they were and still are in a similar situation. There's however, I will say is much worse than mine. We got into some very deep and dark talks about our partners.

We have talked for the last week. There were a lot of emotion me and that person share describing our similarities, and how we handled them.

How this person dealt with it amazing. I wish I could be half as brave as they were. But, I remember one question this person asked me. They asked me, "Would you be content with your life if she moved away to start her life over or if she found someone else"?.

My response was I don't know, I just want her to be happy. But I know the answer is no. Another thing I mentioned was that she was more popular girl in HS where as we all know I wasn't. Her last boyfriend cheated on her and she was very upset by it. I was with her for a long time while she recovered.

I mentioned that I had insecurities to this person. How I am nothing like her exes and that I feel like she wanted to cheat to get out of it. Plus, now that everyone knows I will be seen as the freak who couldn't get anyone else so I stayed with her. This person responded by saying,

"Listen, that's what people do.. they talk. They talk because they have nothing better to do. It's human nature. Who cares what they'll say, just do what you know would be best for the two of you. F everyone else".

This really stuck with me. As we talked more they recommend I write a letter with all my feelings and give it to her. I did this. I wrote everything and said at the end to call me if you would like. I am not going to repeat what I wrote on that letter but know it was everything I had been feeling. She called and we met later.

We went to where our first date was. It was a picnic at the park (I know cheesy). Our park does Halloween lights so I thought it would be nice to go there in the evening. When I saw her I felt butterflies in my stomach and my head got hot. However, I felt awful when I saw her. She looked bad.

She looked like she has lost weight, exhausted, and just almost sickly. I have also never seen her so covered up. She never dressed like very revealing, but it wasn't very cold and she was dressed like it was freezing. Before I could get a word in she starts crying. She started saying that she couldn't believed I still loved her. Then I asked some questions.

Was this the only time? I need you to be honest. She said no she swears. Why did you tell everyone? She said everyone was trying to blame me and make me look like the bad guy and that bothered her.

I asked if she feared me telling people and that is why she told? She said no. She knew I would never tell a soul even if she tried anything with me. Deep down I don't think I could have told anyone ever.

She then told me she was asked to resign from her job and she did. Her parents hate her. I asked if she enjoyed blowing the stripper? She said no. I mentioned everything. She said she knows.

But after she sat down she froze and in her own words, "I wanted to shoot myself". After, she went back to the hotel room. Her friends kept drinking and partying at the hotel bar. She told me she has deleted all their contacts and wants nothing to do with them.

Also, turns out she was high. Her and her friends ate edibles hours before (my buddies wife didn't know). I said, I asked if you had taken anything. She didn't tell me because it would just sound like another excuse so she didn't say anything.

Then I asked why you didn't tell me about the cheating. She said she didn't know how. She said that she knew I would never hurt her but she was scared of what I would do to myself. She knew it was wrong. She was ashamed and scared of how to tell me.

I then mentioned my hookup and she cried a lot. She said she has no right to be hurt, but it still hurts. I told her it was just a hookup nothing more. She then said I still owe revenge on her and told her to not worry about it. I then told her about how I was insecure because I am nothing like her exes.

She said she knows and is sorry for that. She mentioned what happened one of the nights I was with her after her ex cheated. I told her I remember. Basically, she kissed me and I said it was her sadness and hormones going crazy and wrote it off.

She said that when she kissed me she knew she loved me (she never told me this). We talked a little longer but I knew she needed to eat. I offered to get her something and she said she was fine. I said, "no you need to eat." I grabbed her hand and said lets go.

To say she lit up is an understatement. I took her somewhere to eat and she ate SO MUCH. I had no issue with it. I was happy to see her eat. I took her to her car and she asked if we could try again.

I said lets start as friends and see what happens. I then said you are going to have to deal with my emotions for a long time and she said she will do whatever it takes. I then mentioned I will call her boss to get her job back.

I know him decently well and will ask him. I did and she started back today. Small business and I know the guy though my grandmother.

Then later that week. She came over in the morning to help me decorate for Halloween. Come to find out she told her parents where she went. Her dad said, "he is a better man than me.", and her mom said, "If he has it in is heart to forgive you, you better make him the happiest man on this planet because he deserves that".

The only issue that day was it was hard to see her sometimes. Still emotions creeping up here and there. But I did my best. We actually were sitting watching a movie while having lunch and I asked if she wanted something and she did hop on top of me and tried to initiate sex.

I told her that she is sexy and I she is beautiful, but I am not ready for that. She cried. Not because I rejected her, but because she knew why. Some other things were mentioned that I will not discuss. We said we will be having "friend" dates a couple times a week.

I know it is weird but it feel like I am falling in love with her all over again. I also joked that if this works we should sell my house and move somewhere far from here. She actually was very keen on the idea.

She doesn't want to leave her parents, but she said she will leave with me. Plus, this morning I took her to work. She was scared to go in with everything and I offered to take her. I have picked her up and we made dinner and watched a movie. She has went home since then and here I am.

So that is update now. I know very long. If you read all of this I am sorry for your wasted time, but thank you.

Readers had some thoughts on OP's updates. Take a look!

pandaratastic writes:

I'm glad that they are trying to be friends again. I know just how painful it can be to be betrayed like that but it sounds like she is genuinely remorseful and has tried to take responsibility for her actions in every way that she can no matter what it costs her - her reputation, her friends, her job, etc.

But it's obvious that he is still struggling with his feelings about this. It's possible for a relationship to come back after something like this but it is not easy. It takes a lot of time and hard work to heal from that pain and to rebuild that trust.

I hope he has a good therapist to help him. Reddit advice is nice but it's no replacement for professional help. Even if they're just going to stay friends, they could probably benefit from a couple's therapist. to help them rebuild the friendship. They seem like good people. Good people make mistakes, too.

jeremyflank writes:

This is one of the rare times where she really seems 100% remorseful and I think they can still work (not that OOP wasn't well within his rights to break up). Like, after the fact she did everything right.

Glad she didn't try to bring up being high on edibles in the moment because yeah that's not an excuse. Both for standard decision reasons and because I don't think it affects inhibition the way alcohol does.

okperfm writes:

I remember your post from when you first posted, I left a comment amongst the thousands that I hoped that with time you could forgive her and that the 2 of you could try again.

I know that this last post is baby steps but to say I am elated for you is not understated. I think that being alone is one of the most horrible things to live with, sometimes it feels like going through life alone is not even worth it.

So young man I know you will never see this but I hope that the 2 of you in time have a love that will last a lifetime and that you are happy.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for him?

Sources: Reddit
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