Man shuts down GF after she insists that his teenage daughter is 'disrespectful.' AITA?
When this man is sick of his GF, he asks the internet:
"AITA For Taking My Daughter's side?"
I(45M) am in a relationship with 'Anne'. We've been in a relationship for 4 years. And to say the least, the last two years haven't been great. Anne and I officially broke up a week ago, we're just waiting for the lease to end.
Last year May, my son (16M,Dee) came to live with us by choice. And my daughter (15F,claire) came to live with me in October, not by choice.
Anne and Claire have not been able to click. Anne has consistently antagonised and targeted Claire. Last year before Claire lived with me, she visited, only for Anne to continuously argue with claire and I over the fact that she doesn't wear a bra.
I've never seen the issue. Anne and I had temporarily broken up during Oct and she moved back in during February—the issues only continued.
There were complaints about claire CONSTANTLY. Then Anne started complaining because Claire was the only person in the house that didn't cook. And I also didn't see a problem with it since Dee and I didn't mind doing it. And Claire helped around the kitchen everytime someone cooked. Whereas Anne would cook once maybe every 2 weeks.
However, today another issue came up, Claire made lunch. They were "snackwiches" and our machine only fits 4 at a time. Anne and Claire were both eating 2 each.
Dee and I were eating 3 each. So Claire thought the obvious thing to do would be to make hers and Anne's first. So, she brought the plate to Anne and got a quick "thank you", no complaints. I jokingly told Claire I'd steal her food. Claire said that she was going to, but Dee put his in first, no big deal.
Anne, for some reason, loses it on claire and starts going on about “etiquette”, she's condescending as she explains that as the breadwinner, I should be served first. Then the woman of the house.
She stumbled and quickly said that it wasn't her, it was claire(??). Then the rest. And I simply chimed in, saying that growing up we let the children get served first, then the women, then the men.
Very politely, Claire just said “Just depends on how you were raised, no biggie”. That's when Anne raises her voice. And Claire very calmly told her “it's really just not that serious”. Anne moved on.
But after dee and Claire left the room, Anne started zoning in on me for it. And I took Claires side because it doesn't matter who's served first.
As long as everyone gets to eat. Now Anne won't get off my case about it, because “it's just etiquette and about respect” and “don't educate your children then, fine”. And maybe it is the proper thing to do, and maybe it is that serious. But I can't see it. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought:
agahy writes:
NTA. I think I understand why you broke up with Anne. She sounds pretty insufferable.
Here's the deal. If you raise kids from infancy, you can raise them with whatever cultural norms you think reasonable. When a new adult, or near-adult, suddenly appears in your life, they're going to have a different cultural background and different assumptions.
Anne's bizarre 1950s etiquette assumptions about who should eat first are her own. She can have them if she likes, but it's not reasonable to expect other people to share them. They are by no means universal.
Oh, and Anne complains that Claire doesn't cook, but also complains about how Claire makes lunch? She really can't have it both ways.
bufal9 writes:
WTF is Anne’s problem with Claire? Does she do this with Dee too or just Claire? No wonder Claire doesn’t want to live there she gets bullied for everything she does. Is Anne her step mom I’m assuming?
So she has no parental rights over your kids and you need to start sticking up for your kids and tell Anne to stfu. It seems like you’re just letting it slide and it’s created this huge problem over the last 4 years.
She is bullying your daughter and you seemed to just let it happen. YTA for not defending your daughter enough and telling Anne enough is enough but NTA for taking Claire’s side.
mslaci writes:
YTA for letting a woman who antagonizes your daughter live in your home and continuing to date or f a woman who treats your own daughter so poorly. You say your on your daughters side, but you aren't as long as this woman lives with you.