Man SNAPS at wife after she demands he take a paternity test for his nephew; 'She's gone CRAZY.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITAH for snapping at my wife and calling her crazy because she wants me to take a paternity test for my nephew?"

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and together for 14. We are childfree. I also have a nephew who’s currently 13, and I’m not going to lie, he looks a lot like me and has a lot of the same facial features as me.

I am really proud of him and we have a close bond. I have played a father like role in his life since he was a kid. He has a deadbeat father, and my sister divorced him long ago.

A couple of my family members have commented on how my nephew looks a lot like me, and while I initially thought it was wholesome, my wife for some reason became very insecure and started getting doubts.

She was questioning why I needed to play such a prominent role in my nephew’s life, why my nephew had autism etc. The insinuations just became weird and made me uncomfortable.

I do agree that my sister has played some part in my wife’s insecurities because of her dry humor. During family gatherings, my sister jokes a lot about how wholesome it is that her son looks like me, and that she couldn’t be happier. It’s obviously a joke, but I spoke to my sister and asked if she could tone it down a bit because it was making my wife a bit crazy.

However, last night, my wife asked if I could take a paternity test just for her peace of mind. That’s when I finally snapped and called her crazy and that marrying her was the biggest mistake of my life.

I did immediately regret saying it because I meant none of it, my wife is the love of my life. But my wife got quiet, and started crying shortly after and I had to console her. Was I the AH?

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some top responses:

divinetaro writes:

NTA. Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly a "kid" person, and when people bring their tots around I'm like, "neat, high, anyways back to my food."

However, I recognize that's just a me thing, and lots of people feel a desire to be there for others even when they flat out don't have to be, which makes a lot of the, "but why are you doing that though" sentiment kinda...sociopathic?

Like, why is this even a question for significant consideration? Why does someone need some extreme reason beyond, "my sister has a boy who is impressionable, has a disorder that has likely rendered him as struggling to form and maintain friendships as he grows, and his biological father may as well be dead for all the good his existence brings to him, so I'm playing a paternal role to my nephew."

That this has apparently been such an issue that your wife outright thinks you fd your sister is just outright demented in my opinion.

crima5 writes:

ESH. What she is said is awful but YTA for what you said. Crazy is valid. But No coming back from saying you regret marrying someone.Seriously, my cousin looks more like my parents child than I do. It happens. Not sure what's going through her mind.

forcha writes:

NTA. So many people just don't understand that physical resemblances aren't linear. I have a sister who doesn't look like anyone in the family really. One of her kids could be the twin of a first cousin of ours on my father's side.

We haven't seen the first cousin since the 1970s and this child was born in the 1990s. And no one thinks my sister is secretly adopted or sn affair baby.

appfox writes:

a, you should not care she is crying you should be asking what's wrong with her?!?. She deserves that, in my opinion, after her disgustingly thinking it's acceptable thing to accuse you and your sister of incest and sleeping with each other creating a child together.

And you shouldn't have to be consoled after she was/is in the wrong here. She needs to apologize to you for letting her insecurities affect y'alls relationship both with you and your family.

Her accusing you and your sister of that is disgusting, and I can't blame you for that reaction because, again, her both say and think that is purely disgusting and disturbing and honestly anyone would if they look at them and their family that way especially with 0 poof.

Seriously she is messed up, owe you apologize and professional help that it's not freaking normal to think that way like she did, insecurities or not she needed to realize thinking and accusing your partner of something this messed up, is wrong.

And before someone says I'm being harsh and i would have the same reaction if the wife was a man, seriously imagine if the roles reversed, you would be roasting the heII out of op if he accused his wife of sleeping with her bio brother for no reason and think she is the mother of her own niece, so her crying doses not magically make her accusations ok nor disappear.

she still owes a op apologie and a full explanation because accusations like this could not only destroy multiple relationships but cause lots of problems too, seriously this is not normal at all.

Update:

Hey everyone, quick update. The gist of it is that I’ve agreed to take the test but under certain conditions.

I understand my wife is being paranoid and delusional, but I want to take the test just to ease whatever irrational fears she has. Sometimes these fears have no logic, and I too have had some irrational fears before, and there was no logic in them.

I spoke to my sister about it today, and she was obviously pretty angry at my wife. However, my sister and I discussed it at length, and she agreed to the test under certain conditions.

I spoke to my wife after and told her I would take the test under some conditions. My wife was very happy that I had agreed to take the test, and I then told her the conditions. The first condition being that she had to stop these insinuations immediately. My wife immediately agreed to it.

The second condition being that there were going to be no more arguments on me spending time with my sister and nephew. My wife and I have had some arguments over the years where she asks why I spend so much time at their house. My wife agreed to the condition, although she took some time to think about it.

The third and final condition was that I had liberty to go on vacations with my sister and my nephew, without my wife being there. I told my wife upfront that my sister doesn’t want her to come on these vacations anymore. My wife was a bit more hesitant on this but she ultimately agreed to it.

Take a look at some top comments:

DrSocialDeterminants: this will clearly resolve everything /s i give her 1 month before she claims you lied about the results or its a false negative.

Jay7488: Honestly, if I agreed to take the paternity test the results will come with divorce papers.

TeacherWithOpinions: She is accusing you of inc@st and you're staying with her?!?! One of your demands wasn't therapy for her?!?!

This will solve nothing since a DNA test will show a familial relation and she'll take that and run with it since she's clearly not well. Grow a pair and protect your family.

Agoraphobe961: lol, dude, it’s not gonna matter what the test says. Your wife has an irrational delusion in her head and will go through whatever mental gymnastics she needs to justify it. The test is not going to help, if anything it’s going to get worse especially based on the conditions you set.

OOP: I told my sister this, but if this doesn't work, I'm going to look into divorce.