Man spies on wife at work to prove she isn't 'unfairly targeted' by coworkers; AITA?
When should you tell your wife that her coworkers are right about her bad vibes?
So, when a conflicted husband decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As$hole' about his wife's attitude, people were eager to weigh in.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my wife that I agree with her coworkers?
Throwaway and on Mobile: Me (30M) and my wife 'Lexi' (28F) have been together for 5 years. Lexi and I have always had a pretty solid relationship.
We do have our issues just like any other couple, but we always work through it in the end. One reoccurring issue that has been causing some drama lately is Lexi's coworkers.
About 6 months ago, Lexi got a new job at a local supermarket. Roughly 3 months into it, she started complaining about how her coworkers don't like her and that she can't stand them.
She kept going on and on about how annoying they are and that her coworkers claim the reason why they don't like her is because she's a 'constant downer.'
I wouldn't say anything during these discussions, but I would find myself secretly agreeing with Lexi's coworkers. I love Lexi, but one trait that has always been an issue, is her pessimism.
Lexi has a bad habit of thinking negatively, assuming the worst in other people and generally has a defeated attitude. Basically a 'Debby Downer.'
After months of her going on and on about how awful her coworkers are, I decided to take a look for myself. A couple days ago, I had the day off, so I went to Lexi's place of work and observed her interacting with her coworkers.
Lexi knew that I would be there and insisted that she would prove to me that she's being 'unfairly targeted.'
During several interactions, Lexi would endlessly complain about having to be at work, she would say nasty things about customers, etc. She also had very bad body language.
She would roll her eyes and obnoxiously sigh when customers left her registry. It wasn't comfortable to watch.
I was there for about 2 hrs when I decided to leave and go back home. After Lexi came home from work, she immediately started complaining about her coworkers and how 'cold they were towards her for no reason.'
She felt vindicated and said: 'So, do you believe me now? Now do you understand why I have to b$tch all the time? Maybe now you can understand how I feel.' I explained to her that, based on what I observed, I actually agree with her coworkers.
Lexi exploded on me! She yelled that I'm just like everyone else and that I'm a 'slimey weasel' for siding with her coworkers.
She stormed out of the house and is currently staying with her Mom. I'm trying my best to understand where she's coming from, but I don't know what else I can do. AITA?
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say...
Content-Plenty-268 said:
NTA. You did the right thing. She'll either take it to heart and start taking steps to change, or your marriage will gradually deteriorate and you'll move on with your life and hopefully find someone with a better disposition.
Single_Cookie_7915 said:
NTA. I think it's time for her to self reflect because everyone around her is pointing out the same mistake to her.
Ok-Arachnid-890 said:
NTA sometimes you have to tell your partners the truth and have them confront their flaws. She didn't marry a yes man who would coddle her. She needs to take a good hard look at herself and work on things, maybe therapy.
fatbabyangelface said:
NTA. Your wife likely doesn't realize just how negative she's being. I worked with a friend for 6 months, and one day after listening to her complain for hours on end, I started marking a tally. She was shocked when I told her that she said 'I hate this, I want to die' 53 times in one 8 hr shift.
It is really hard to be positive or even a good coworker when you're combating that negativity. She thought we were commiserating together, but wasn't paying attention to the fact that I wasn't interested in joining in.
If your wife is more positive outside of work, maybe have a discussion about a career or job change.
cpumaxhi said:
NTA. It had to be hard for her to here. And it had to have been hard for you to share that with her. Hopefully she’ll do some reflection while at her mom’s.
piemakerdeadwaker said:
NTA. I always run far away from people like your wife. These people are so bad for mental health. Like I get we're all struggling and I'm no peddler of toxic positivity but being bitter and criticizing everyone all the time is not doing anyone any good.
It's actually bad for health. She needs to take a hard look at her behaviour but given her current disposition I doubt she will. Should she choose to stay this way, I'd recommend you get away from her cuz she will bring you down with her.