Man sues ex-wife and new boyfriend over 'stolen lego sets.' AITA? UPDATED
When this man is upset with his his ex and his boyfriend, he asks Reddit:
"I sued my ex and her boyfriend over stolen lego sets. AITA?"
My ex and I divorced three years ago. She was cheating, but at this point I don’t care about the relationship anymore. The pending lawsuit has nothing to do with her or him, but rather their actions.
My ex and I have a son 13m that we split time with 50/50. He’s a great kid that interests have changed a lot tbh as I imagine more kids/teenagers tend to do through the years.
One thing my son was heavily into at some point was legos. He use to play with them all the time, and personally I think they’re a great toy for different reasons. I use to love playing them with him, and to this day I still collect boxes that I leave unopened as a collection.
Well my ex and I divorced she got with someone who loved legos more I guess? From what I know he loves making creations and building the sets in. I don’t care seems cool. He does one thing I think is very very weird. He uses crazy glue so the sets can’t break or pieces can’t be lost. It seems so weird to me.
The issue is, I was out of town for all of three days last week for medical reasons, and my son wanted to get his ps4 so he could play it at his moms. This isn’t out of the ordinary at all and he has a key, so he let me know he would be stopping over for it.
I told him to have fun when I saw him on the entry camera. My wife’s husband was with him which was a no-no. I told him via speaker to not go in and to wait on the porch.
He flinched but walked in anyway. I sent my ex a text telling her to call him and tell him he’s one minute away from a cop call. He left my home with a bag in hand which I didn’t think much of because my son had his games too.
Well my son texted me later that evening and said he didn’t know it at the time but he’s pretty sure SD took some of my sets. These are all old sets and two are worth big money.
When I got home I confirmed the missing sets and called my ex. She had no idea but he admitted he took them but it was so son could have the sets to complete his collection... my son doesn’t even like legos anymore and told his mom he wouldn’t steal from me.
My wife asked how much it would cost to replace them and unfortunately it’s more than their savings. Actually, it would take their house down payment plus more. I told them if they didn’t pay in two weeks I was suing and pressing charges. The price in the sets makes it a felony.
My ex and her husband are saving for a house which would give my son more space when he’s there, but those sets were going help pay for his education someday or a home of his own. I filed the police report and have talked to a lawyer and we’re moving forward with the suit.
Everyone is calling me a joke because they are just toys, but I don’t get it. They are worth real money.. I’m not rich guys. I needed those to help with my sons future... but again taking this money does deny my son things at his moms house. AITA here??
The sets have been opened which more than half their worth, and one was glued together. The damage was done already. The stolen items are:
Kings Castle Milk truck Lego land train Carousel And the glued one was a Star Wars snow speeder.
Some of these are one piece of a larger set. So if you lose one of five, you lose the value of one produce plus the value of the set as a whole. Second edit*
Ex wife and boyfriend are the same as ex boyfriend.. I’m just a bad writer. Third/final edit for this post*
I know I haven’t been here much but I have read many of your comments and taken them to heart. I know my spelling is poor guys, and I apologize for the format. Calling me names in my private message was not called for, and I am not a scalper.
I enjoy buying these sets and do not intend to sell all of them, but I want my son to go to college and not worry about debt, so I want to sell the ones that I can to help. I never had the smarts for higher education but my son is not me, and I love him and want him to do better.
Around 4:00 PM I called the local state police and met at their facility. I gave them all I had and gave my statement.
My son is with me starting tonight so when I picked him up I sent him into GameStop and called his mom. I told her I had filed charges and I asked the cop to call me when everything was done so I could give him the opportunity to turn himself in.
I wanted to be better than he treated me. I’ll save her reaction for a real update btw—- can someone please tell me how to update because I don’t really understand the steps in the main notes.
I told my son when we got home what I did and why. My son said that I did the right thing because he didn’t want his step dad to think it was ok to do it again, and if he didn’t go to jail he’d rather be her away from him so it isn’t weird.
graces writes:
I looked up ebay prices and the most valuable set stolen was the milk truck. That's from 1952 and worth $2k sealed. The castle is next valuable and I think $500 was the highest price I saw for that. $2500 would deplete their savings?
I feel like maybe her new husbabd shouldn't have an expensive lego hobby if they're having that hard of a time saving for a home.
I definitely feel you're NTA here as you had specific rules for the ex's husband not to go into your house, but I say skip the suing and work something out with them for repayment. Seems like lawyer fees would be worth more than the legos for you in the long run.
deastio writes:
NTA. Who does that? Like who thinks it’s ok to go in a home they KNOW they aren’t welcome in, then takes things from it, RUIN said things, and think they didn’t do anything wrong?
Like it doesn’t matter if those toys are priceless or worthless, they were YOURS to decide what to do with, not his! Where does he get off thinking he’s entitled to them just because he likes legos ‘more’?
He needs to be held accountable, every step of the way he knew his actions were wrong, and he did it anyway.
Either he has such a severe obsession with legos that he physically couldn’t stop himself (in which case he needs psychological help) or he’s an AH who stole from you because he thought he could manipulate you into not doing anything about it using your kid as leverage.
Sue the AH. Get your money. If your son wants more space it sounds like he can stay with you. If your ex wasn’t with a guy who would steal from you then she wouldn’t be in this situation. Also, your ex is an AH too for not putting all the blame on her felon of a partner.
ETA: thinking about it, there’s no way he didn’t know how expensive/old/rare those sets were. Seeing as he’s so obsessed with them and all.
So I bet he knew that he was taking a high value object from your home, he was probably counting on YOU not knowing how much they were worth.
haha8 writes:
Your ex’s BF is dumber than a box of rocks but also the kind that thinks he’s smarter than everyone else. He stole these sets when he KNEW he was on camera.
Obviously your son doesn’t care for him that much as he let you know later that evening OR he initially manipulated your son into helping him and then your son felt guilty later and told on him afterwards, which is worse.
Either way the BF is a total problematic AH. Your EX should NOT support this behavior and needs to open her eyes. You are NTA and they need consequences while you need to be made whole. Definitely sue.
I don’t know all the intricasses, of course, of your relationships here but I would also consider a restraining order against the BF and possibly rearranging the custody agreement.
bsailor writes:
Nta. You arent wrong this guy knew what he was doing and should suffer the consequences legally. Felony charges for sure, and your ex may be also in the wrong for not stopping him.
The money.... man it sucks but your ex is going to have enough to recover from when her husband is in legal trouble. While there is no one forcing you to be generous here maybe discuss payments or a way to get the funds that doesnt affect your son sp dramatically.
If this was your part of his college funds but his mom is too broke for her part, that still affects your kid. You can't ignore the fact your son is in the middle of this and its not about just having a bigger house. Its the longevity of the effects this has on his future that matters.
Step dad was 100% in the wrong. He legally needs to be punished for that mistake. You personally have to evaluate the financial situation and decide what is best for you and for your son long term. Accepting payments may be reasonable.
salty20 writes:
Definitely NTA...BUT I think you have to seriously consider how all of this is going to affect your son. Sure, if your Kid wasn’t involved you could absolutely do whatever you want to to this Guy.
But the most important person in this mess HAS to be your Kid. How will all of this affect him? It’s been incredibly infuriating, but I’ve sucked up all sorts of crap from my Ex for my Kids’ happiness... within reason.
Yes, this thieving Prick needs consequences. You deserve protection from that happening again, and compensation.Perhaps you could work out a repayment plan, or take a reduction in the Child Support you pay, or some other solution you would all be satisfied with?
I would worry that a legal action could escalate the situation, make it more contentious than necessary and negatively impact your Kid. Is there any professional advice you could get? Legal? From a Family Therapist? Anyone who has direct experience of doing this sort of thing and where it can lead?
Legal actions are complicated and can have unexpected consequences and anyone who tells you otherwise is naive. This Guy is completely in the wrong, and you have EVERY right to be furious, and to take legal action.
I guess I would just try to stop and consider what will be the impact and will that lead to the best possible outcome for your boy. I hope that doesn’t come across as dismissive towards you, and how your home and possessions have been violated. It’s the attitude that has stopped me from taking a crowbar to my Ex many a time!
haay writes:
NTA - Your Ex-Wife and her sticky fingered boyfriend wouldn’t be in this predicament if he didn’t have sticky fingers in the first place! If something doesn’t belong to him then DON’T TOUCH IT..They came for the PS4 and Games that’s all they should have left with unless your son needed other things that were his obviously.
I’m sorry she’s enabling her bf and he’s committed trespassing and theft because you didn’t want him in your house and i presume for good reason before this event happened.
OP I’d change your locks honestly! Because s/he could choose to escalate things now that you’ve filled a lawsuit against them.
NO.. OP They STOLE from your sons future not you. And say if that was $6-8k in a drawer that he took from your house. I bet everyone who’s piped up to call you an AH would change their minds then..
I’m really sorry this happened to you OP. And I honestly hope that you’ll get compensated for the loss of those things that were his future.
tomoe writes:
NTA - just pricing the sets seems like it was roughly $1k worth of lego sets. So he stole at least $1k from you. He should have to pay for it.
If they had at LEAST offered to make payments and make them regularly, I would say you were being an ahole, but it doesn't sound like they did.
And even if they had, I wouldn't trust someone who stole $1k worth of shit from your home after you told him he's not allowed inside.
I wouldn't want my son around that person either, teaching them their same shitty immoral behavior and entitlement to other people's property.
I would sue for full custody and hold him fully accountable, and make sure he has a restraining order barring him from entry into your home.
Maybe it was a one time mistake, a slip in judgment. There is no reason for you to give him the benefit of the doubt though. He's not your boyfriend. He's your exes problem to deal with, and your son is the only thing you both currently share.
And she's dishonest enough that she cheated. You don't need to deny her access to your son, but I would be very concerned about letting her have an equal say in raising him given her tendency to make bad decisions regarding honesty and as a judge of character.
And now, OP's update:
I apologize. I'm not the best at Reddit, and I guess the moderators at AITA deleted my update. If you have any follow up questions I'll try my best to answer you though it could take some time.
I have received a few requests regarding posting an update and I did promise to update the situation once it was resolved, and as far as I have any say the headache is over for the most part. I can't say that I feel whole, but 'm not angry about it as I think the consequences are something to respect.
I read through most of the comments and really appreciate the time most of you took out of your day to offer advice and well wishes I know I didn't respond to all of them, but your time and care were noticed.
I accept all your judgements, but I must say your kindness blew me away while some took time out of their day just to be mean which is on you I guess. I understand legos are toys, but I enjoy the hunt and it's worth it to me.
As I said, I decided to go to the police with the video, my statement, texts from my ex, and emails. I told the police I wanted this pursued as he had entered my house after being told not to and stole valuables.
They took everything I had to offer and as of yesterday my ex's BF was arrested for a few different violations/laws. He was charged with grand larceny and breaking and entering among a few other charges.
My ex is really upset at me, and him however she bailed him out so l'm guessing she isn't to upset with him.
Ex's boyfriend has called a few times and showed up once. He left the used sets on my porch, and I'm not sure what he thinks that does at this stage. They aren't worthless, but their value is less than half. I told my lawyer he did this and she was blown away.
I sent an email to my ex telling her and him to stay away from me and my home, and I only wanted to hear from her if it was concerning our child.
This was his first offense to my knowledge so I don't expect him to do jail time however my lawyer said it was possible due to the amount of crimes and when/how they took place.
Apparently doing that during the day is worse and he did it in front of my child which doesn't help him. I expect a leg they probation tbh with all of you, but I'm very far from a legal expert.
I spoke to the lawyer on Tuesday this week regarding the loss, and unfortunately l'm looking at a tough road ahead of me. The pieces stolen are valued at what they sell at auction which the local DA will decide which auctions are reputable.
So, that could go different ways; moreover, the fact the boyfriend broke up my sets were irrelevant. The lawyer said it would be like stealing one baseball card out of an entire set and burning it. You are only owed the value of that one card EVEN IF YOU CAN'T GET THAT ONE CARD AGAIN!
The fact he returned them is a admission of guilt she said, and that we could definitely reclaim the amount of money an unopened set for each would be worth, but it doesn't make the matter better in my opinion.
I know a lot of you thought 10-20k wasn't nearly enough for a house down payment, but in my neck of the woods it's plenty, and my lawyer recommended we go forward with a civil suit and I agreed. With that and the legal charges I feel that is well enough.
I will have enough in savings and "lego stock" lol to fund his four years at a good state school. I wish I could do more, but you can't win them all.
My son has been staying with me fulltime as he feels its awkward at his moms, and he's pretty upset at his mom about the whole thing, but l'm trying to smooth that over best I can considering the circumstances. He's asked to stay here full time which I support and told his mom as much.
I told her we could do it through the courts or keep it simple and I think she wants to keep it simple.I haven't thought much about child support, but I don't think asking for a small amount would be bad. I don't want to break my ex, but our kid should come first.
Thank you to everyone for their well wishes and thoughts. Best of luck to everyone out there. Again, if you have any questions l'll try my best to answer them.