Teen amputee feels betrayed after being uninvited from brother's wedding. AITA?
"Man surprised that his brother doesn't want to act brotherly after he is excluded"
Southern-Interest347
AITA for not forgiving my brother for uninviting me from his wedding? I'm in a wheelchair. My (17M) leg got amputated 3 months ago. I have not been feeling the best and I felt worse when I got uninvited from my brothers wedding because my brother and his new wife basically told me that I would be a distraction and take the attention off of them.
They didn't say distraction..but they definitely Implied it. My parents were upset about this as well and were even planning on staying with me but I told them it was okay to go. I did cry while they were at the wedding because I felt excluded and while that was happening I felt that I didn't really want to be bothered with my brother and his wife anymore.
When my parents came home they were telling me that people were asking about and asking where I was so I guess I was gonna be a distraction regardless. My brother tried calling me some hours after the wedding but I didn't pick up. After that him and his wife came by a couple of times after but I kept telling them that I didn't want to speak to either of them and I asked them to leave me alone.
I've been trying to ignore them and they've been making it very difficult for me to do that so I had to block them and I know my parents are upset by this but they said that they don't agree with what my brother did and even told him and his wife not to come over for some time.
My grandma and uncle have both called me on my brothers behalf telling me that he's hurt I'm not speaking to him and he wants to "make things right." He's planning on leaving on his honeymoon soon and invited me to go out and take me where ever I want so he could apologize because he didn't intend to hurt me.
It was basically the same thing he said to me in person but he's just now getting other people to say it too because he sent the same things to our parents as well. The thing is he did hurt me tho and I don't want to go anywhere with him. I don't even like going out now that I'm in a wheelchair because I feel like people stare at me and it's embarrassing and I'm just hoping it gets better when I get my prosthetic.
My family knows I don't like going out as it is but I was willing to do that for my brother because I really wanted to go to my brothers wedding and to be excluded like that hurt.
I was told to go because my brother feels really guilty and they told me that everyone's still adjusting and he did not mean anyharm because he would never intentionally hurt me.
But I don't know why they keep saying that because whether he meant it like that or not that's how I took it. My parents are upset at my grandma and uncle for telling me that but told me that I should still consider the offer.
If I refuse to go would I be wrong? I'm not sure how many people think what I'm doing is wrong because no body else has been saying anything about it. Only my uncle and grandma have been vocal about it and I don't want people talking about me behind my back because they were originally upset when I got uninvited.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MyIronThrowaway
I want OP to ask his brother how on earth he could honestly think it wouldn’t hurt to be uninvited from your older brother’s wedding because of your disability? He thought OP would just think being uninvited was no big deal? Misssing an event all of his family was invited to? God I hope this isn’t real…
Mmm_lemon_cakes
I was thinking the exact same thing. Of course he intentionally hurt OP! He was just expecting OP to get over it immediately because… reasons?
Jennabeb
Oh for goodness sake, of course you aren’t wrong for not wanting to go. He uninvited you for superficial reasons and still doesn’t understand this isn’t about him. You’re making huge adjustments to your daily life and you are allowed to have feelings about it.
Your feelings are valid! He caused harm; he doesn’t get to be the one who decides how and when (or if) your relationship can be repaired. You do. He was a bad brother. And he still doesn’t sound like he’s making amends for you.
Has he always been this selfish? Damn. Do what you feel comfortable doing. Tell them all to give you some time and space! They are pushing you too hard to just get over it. I hate it when people ‘rug sweep’!
Nico-DListedRefugee
They don't care that they hurt you. They are upset because they(rightfully) got called out for their behavior. Your brother wants to meet with you so that he can tell other people "See look, everything is fine! " You are going through a lot right now and don't have to have anyone around that will stress you out. I hope you heal up quickly and get an awesome prosthetic.
WorldWeary1771
I don’t see how you can make it right after doing this. The rude question in reply is “that’s okay. You can invite me to your next wedding.” Honestly though, a period of no contact is very appropriate here. I hope OP is going to get therapy because he will face more ableism going forward.
Mental_Vacation
I was more than slightly mildly annoyed at these people until I read this line:
"they told me that everyone's still adjusting"
EXCUSE ME?! THEY'RE adjusting?! So OP has to make THEM feel better about HIS life altering change. No. NO. I'm now way past mildly anything. At no point does OP have to do anything they don't want to do.
That person who happens to share parents with OP needs to back the F off and let OP decide when/if he is willing to forgive. Why tf is everyone trying to make this whole thing about themselves.