Man plans month-long trip to Europe with son, doesn't invite wife, 'she cheated on me 2 years ago.' AITA?
"AITA for going on a 1 month trip to Europe with only my son and not my wife because she cheated on me 2 years ago?"
My wife (34F) and I (34M) have been married for 9 years, and we have a 7 year old boy. A couple of years ago, my wife herself confessed that she had a one night stand with her ex when he had come to town the previous week.
I was devastated, and I really did not see any path to reconciliation, but I also had to take my son into account. My wife was extremely remorseful and she could have kept her infidelity hidden forever but she didn’t. I was still extremely sad and resentful, but my wife took all possible steps to reconciliation.
It has been 2 years, and I can say that I am at a stage where I have almost forgiven my wife, because she has pretty much done everything possible the past 2 years to show how much she loves me.
Over the past few months, I have been saving for a trip to Europe with my son. My sister has settled abroad in Finland and she said she will show me around Europe. I was initially 50-50 on whether I wanted my wife to come with us on the trip, because I still had slight resentment from her infidelity a couple of years ago.
My sister however was completely against me bringing my wife to the trip, and she wanted this to be more of a sibling bonding time. She is not on speaking terms with my wife ever since I told her about my wife’s infidelity, and she said she would feel extremely uncomfortable if I brought my wife along with me.
Taking all of the above into account, I decided to book tickets and plan the trip for only me and my son. I let my wife know of all of the reasons I did not want her to come with us on the trip.
My wife accepted it, but she seems extremely sad over the past few months. My son and I are going to leave to Finland next week. Am I the AH for not taking my wife along with me on the trip?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
aeroeagleAC said:
I will say that if you choose to stay with someone and actually want to repair the relationship then you do have to eventually stop punishing them for it.
Apprehensive_War9612 said:
You are “almost” ready to forgive her? No. You haven’t forgiven her and you won’t. You really should just divorce.
CanadianBlondiee said:
YTA for not divorcing her when you obviously haven't forgiven her. Get a divorce or stop punishing her. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
AnythingPast8255 said:
YTA it’s been two years either divorce her or stop holding it over her head after YOU chose to reconcile.
Unlikely_Buyer_8764 said:
YTA. Look, you can have resentment, but in that case it would be the best to divorce her. Your son is between you and his mom and its sad how he is used.
mrwobobo said:
YTA. If you’re not going to forgive her, divorce her. You can’t “forgive” someone, and expect to move on while still holding it over their head. You either decide to be a couple, or you don’t. I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t have a wife when you got back.
MisakiAmi21 said:
ESH. If you really are almost at the stage of forgiveness then you need to stop punishing your wife, especially since you have stayed with her. So you need to actually start trying to reconcile with her as well, and not just make it onesided.
Your wife is going to be upset, especially since she has been trying to reconcile with you, you've stayed with her, and you've said you have almost forgiven her. The only reason you can't take her is because of your sister...
but you'll be spending the majority of your time with her for sibling bonding, along with your father-son bonding. So you're kind of TA but not completely, but please stop punishing your wife.