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Man tries to force children to 'forget' about their dead mom and ends up tearing family apart.

Man tries to force children to 'forget' about their dead mom and ends up tearing family apart.


I told my brother he deserved to be cut off from his kids.

Best_Fortune_8730 writes:

"My brother has two children from his marriage to his late wife, Denise. His son just turned 20, and his daughter is 18. Denise passed away when the children were 6 and 7 years old. About 18 months later, my brother met Katherine, his second wife, and they married after knowing each other for four months.

Katherine is unable to have biological children, always dreamed of being a mom and desired to be one to my nephew and niece. My brother shared this desire and wanted the same for her.

However, the children were resistant to consider Katherine as their mother. They didn't want to call her mom, be adopted by her, or make her the sole focus of Mother's Day.

Despite years of effort, my brother and Katherine faced rejection from the judge after consulting with the children about adoption. They attempted again, only to be denied by a different judge before reaching court.

The situation remained tense between my brother and his children, causing friction within the family as some of us questioned why he was pushing this on his children. He insisted that Katherine deserved to be a mom and demanded respect for being a loving and nurturing figure to the kids.

Mother's Day, from the first year of their marriage until last year, became toxic. My brother prohibited the kids from seeing their maternal relatives on that day, and they also avoided us and their late mother's grave. Mother's Day was dedicated solely to Katherine.

He would make her breakfast, and the kids, expressing their disapproval, would remind her she didn't deserve to be celebrated. The kids never addressed her as "mom," which upset Katherine. This strained relationship escalated, leading to the kids cutting off contact with their father in the last few months.

During their last conversation, the kids accused my brother of prioritizing Katherine's desires over their own needs, expressing they could never forgive him for that. Despite their objections, my brother dismissed the idea, claiming he never put Katherine before the kids.

When discussing this with him during New Year's at our parents' house, I sided with the kids, pointing out that he had made Katherine's desire to be a mother the top priority and attempted to force the kids to comply. I suggested he be more sympathetic to their perspective, considering the emotional toll it took on them. AITA?

OP responded to s ome questions and gave extra context:

Medical-Reporter6674 says:

NTA (Not the A%#hole). He asked and you answered. He sounds like he needs a smack to the face to wake him up from his delusions. It also sounds like even his kids abandoning him and you telling the truth wasn’t enough. Is Katherine as delusional as him?

OP responded:

It wasn't enough. Not sure anything will be enough to wake him up. She's maybe not as delusional but is willing to hold onto hope because otherwise I think she gets very depressed when she realizes she never got to have her dream.

Illustrious_Bird9234 says:

NTA I don’t understand how these stories are so common. Part of me feels like it’s fake because they get the most responses on here but a part of me can’t get over the fact that more often than not these stories are about men erasing wives after they die.

Yeah women do it too but more often than not it’s the men. They’re quick to leave and move on from a dying wife statistically so it makes me believe these are likely true. Just sad as sh%t and makes me terrified to have a kid.

OP says:

It definitely happens both ways but I feel like more men do it because not only do they remarry quicker, but so many also feel as though they need to give those kids a mom and sometimes it's for selfish reasons and others because they genuinely believe they cannot do it themselves.

No-Knowledge-7058 says:

NTA. Those kids may have called her mom in their own time, if they had been given the chance. That will likely never happen now.

OP says:

Oh, there is no way it will happen now. They hate Katherine and their dad.

rebootsaresuchapain says:

NTA- those kids must’ve felt they were screaming into a void for 10 years. You just repeated that scream.

OP says:

Yes, they felt like that and also like they were being robbed of the connection and joy their maternal relatives brought to their lives.

What do you think? Was OP right to tell his brother that he chose his new wife over his kids?

Sources: Reddit
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