'AITA for telling a girl that I would never date her because she's a single mother?'
"AITA for telling a girl that I would never date her because she's a single mother?"
I can't speak for every man in the world but to me, I would never consider a serious relationship with a woman who has kids with another man. With that being said, I've been casually seeing this woman (31F) who has a 5-year old. It's been casual between us, I've met her son a few times but only fleetingly.
Only when I've gone over to hers and I've had to interact with him. I thought we had an understanding of our casual FWB arrangement as we discussed it when we started seeing each other but yesterday, she came over to my place and asked me about the future "for us."
I asked her what she meant and she asked me about how I view my future with her. I begrudgingly told her that I don't see a future with her. She asked me why since we get along really well. I tried to avoid the topic for a bit but she kept pestering me and I finally told her that I would never take dating a woman with a child seriously.
My future partner is only going to have MY children, no-one else's. That's just my personal rule. I know people who have kids with 5 different people, to each their own. Not my thing personally.
She looked all shocked and asked me if I was being serious. I said I'm being completely serious, I would never consider a serious relationship with you, that's why we are casual. If you didn't have a child with another man, I would've definitely considered it but it is what it is.
She said that her having a child shouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things as long as we get along really well and like each other's company WHICH we do.
I argued that a child, especially a 5-year old is a massive commitment, one that I want no part of. We ended up having a huge fight, she started crying and bolted out of my apartment. AITA? I feel like I did nothing wrong but maybe I could've been less blunt.
Here's what top commenters had to say:
BookMonkeyDude said:
Casual is fine, and you're allowed to set whatever parameters for life partners you want.. but human nature is what it is. After about the second 'casual' hookup there should have been a more serious conversation setting firm boundaries to make sure no feelings get hurt, you did not do that. That's the 'friends' part of FWB.
heckinhoneybadgerr said;
Imagine if she accidentally got pregnant by you. You’d then be breaking your own code. Like others have said, leave single mothers alone.
Diasies_inMyHair said:
You are entitled to your boundaries, of course, but unless you clearly and explicitly stated at the outset that this a friends with benefits situation and it will never go further, YTA. Because what you described looks suspiciously like "dating." You shouldn't have been less blunt, you have been very blunt - at the start of the relationship.
BananaStandBaller said:
Why are you “casually” seeing her if you aren’t interested? Can’t find a woman without kids who will sleep with you? This feels stupid all around.
JuliaX1984 said:
NTA for the policy, YTA for the execution. "No dating single parents" means "No dating single parents" - trying to split hairs over "casually" and "FWB" is trying to have your cake and eat it, too.
angryomlette said:
NTA for having a preference. It's just just your opinion on life. As for the "begrudging told her" part I believe the entire relationship was based on misunderstanding on both sides. Are you sure that you started the fwb relation, with her knowing it was just casual?