Man tells his chronically late SAHM wife 'late fees are on you and you alone.' AITA? 'It's not funny anymore.'

"AITA for telling my wife that late pick-up fees are on her and her alone?"

I am 34 years old. My wife is 33 years old. We’ve been together for 10 years and have a four-year-old son together. Ever since we started dating, my wife has chronically been late. I can count on one hand how many times I remember her being on time. She has this bizarre tendency to leave when we’re supposed to be arriving at whatever venue we’re going to.

If we have reservations for 7:00, she’s not ready until 7:00. If the movie starts at 5:45, she’s not ready until 5:45. I used to find it kind of humorous and almost endearing. There was an ongoing joke of her being from the distant future where we had figured out wormhole technology for instant teleportation, and that she just had not adapted to the present year yet.

But now that we have a child together and important appointments for which we cannot be late, it’s not funny anymore. It regularly causes me a significant amount of stress. Our son started going to daycare last year. Since my wife is a SAHM, taking him to and from daycare is her responsibility. Naturally, she is late dropping him off every day. Then she is late picking him up.

In the middle of August, our son’s daycare sent out a group e-mail informing us that there would be a new fee for any late pickups. Every minute that a parent was late, the daycare would tack on a $2 fee. 10 minutes late would incur a $20 fee.

To be perfectly honest, there’s no doubt in my mind that they started this because of my wife, who was late to pick him up literally every day his first year. I’ve tried to get her to be better, but when confronted, she always has an excuse ready to go, which makes it impossible to have any discussion about the subject.

Well, our bill for the first two weeks of September just arrived. Lo and behold, on top of the normal fee, I found a $262 late pickup fee on the bill, which means that my wife was late to pick him up, on average, 12 minutes per day.

I told my wife that as usual, I would be paying for the normal fees, but she would have to pay the $262 late pickup fee out of her $800 allowance. She initially refused, saying she couldn’t afford it (despite having no real expenses other than her phone and Netflix), and then she called the daycare to try and debate the issue. I watched as she tried to play Erin Brockovich.

She eventually tired herself out frantically googling laws while on the phone and hung up on the poor staff. At that time, I told her that it was entirely her fault, and that if she can’t even do the bare minimum of being an adult, she needs to grow up. She immediately began barraging me with excuses. She then laid down her final debate-ending question: “Why don’t you just pick him up then?”

Because I’m at work. I work for a living. Anyway, the daycare won’t take him back until the bill is paid in full. I feel terrible for my son because he’s completely innocent in all of this and loves going to daycare, but I feel like it’s the only way to get my wife to realize there are consequences for her tardiness. Am I pushing it too far too fast, or should I stick to my guns here?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

mynamecouldbesam said:

NTA she's not a child. There is zero legitimate reason for her behavior. I think it's great that you're finally stopping the enabling.

SugarWaifuuXoXo said:

NTA. She's being irresponsible and it's impacting your child and your finances. It's time she faced the consequences of her chronic lateness.

MushroomPowerful3440 said:

So she's a SAHM, who's lucky enough to put kid in daycare, why on F can't she get on time for her kid? Will it be the same for school? What is she d9ing the whole day to not even be able to leave on time for her own kid? She's an adult, she should start behaving like one. Don't put your foot down OP, she needs to grow up faster. NTA.

VII_187 said:

Eh, NTA. The late fees are solely because of her. She needs to find a way to make sure she’s there on time to pick him up.

v%ginalextract said:

NTA. She absolutely and undoubtedly needs to fix this. I don't know how you handle your finances so I won't tell you who pays for this. This is however 100% her fault, and she needs to grow up, acknowledge it, and stop making excuses. And you should hold your ground until she does. Excuses are understandable when it's once in a while. When there's an excuse every other day then there's an issue.

EllieBarnes18 said:

NTA. Consistent lateness isn't just a quirk—it's a habit that can severely disrupt lives, especially when a child is involved. It seems like more than a time management issue; there could be underlying causes that need to be addressed. That said, it is not unfair for you to expect better for the sake of your child's routine and your own peace of mind.

Enabling won't help her; setting clear expectations and consequences might. It's important for her to realize that when she's late, she's not only disrespecting your collective time and money, but also your child's well-being and sense of stability.

agnesperditanitt said:

NTA. This is not about the money alone. It's also about your child who is sitting there, probably alone, because the other children are picked up in time, feeling abandoned and forgotten.

MyHairs0nFire2023 said:

NTA. She’s lucky the daycare didn’t just refuse to allow him to attend any longer. Many daycares here have waiting lists (or I should say the GOOD ones do) & would have just given y’all notice that he would no longer be welcome there.

Your wife really needs to stop disrespecting others - which is blatantly exactly what she’s doing when she’s late to pick him up. (You might warn her that his SCHOOL will likely not tolerate this one day & are not above calling CPS when parents just don’t show up to pick up their kid on time repeatedly.)