'AITA for telling my coworker that she is horrible and will probably end up alone?'
"AITA for telling my coworker that she is horrible and will probably end up alone?"
I (32M) have worked with Emily (25F) for the past two years. If I’m being honest, me and Emily have not always had the best relationship because she has a problem with respecting boundaries and she consistently comes to me for life advice.
For the last year, Emily has been dating Jon (30M). I’ve met Jon once before and he seems to be a very nice guy. Ever since they’ve been dating, Emily has consistently raved about Jon and how she feels this is the best relationship she’s ever had.
She would always brag about the fact that he would take her on expensive vacations or shopping sprees, and even though they didn’t live together, he paid for her rent and most of her other bills. She was also always bragging about their intimate life and how good it was.
A couple of weeks ago Emily came to me at work almost hysterical. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that the day prior Jon had asked her to pick something up from his apartment and bring it to him at work. She said that while she was at his house, she decided she wanted to start snooping through his stuff, and she found out that he had been taking "performance-enhancing" pills.
Apparently, her finding out that he was on the pills made her extremely insecure, and she was panicking. I explained to her that there are a number reasons why he might be on it but the best thing for her to do would be to have a conversation with him about it. I was able to calm her down and she told me that she would talk to him.
Three weeks later, she came to me crying and hysterical. I found out that she actually did not take my advice. Instead of talking to him about it she decided to talk to his mother, and when that didn’t get the results she wanted, she then called his sisters.
And to make matters worse, apparently she had made a post on social media about him being on the pills and accusing him of using her as a beard. Needless to say that didn’t well for her, and she has been receiving a lot of backlash from his family and friends, as well as her family and friends.
Apparently, Jon had reached out to her and explained to her that he was on that medication due to an illness that he has and then he broke up with her. The whole time she was telling me this she kept making excuses for her actions and trying to blame Jon for the fact that she went to social media and that if he would’ve just told her in the very beginning, she wouldn’t have assumed he was lying.
I’ll admit hearing her say that really irritated me. And I ended up telling her that she was a horrible person for what she did and that she will probably end up being alone if she continues with this kind of behavior.
She walked away, crying and telling me that I was an ahole and that I was too harsh. At first, I felt justified for telling her what I said, but now I am second-guessing myself.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MiscreantMarsupial said:
NTA, you told her the truth. She sabotaged a good relationship in a nasty way and actually will end up alone if she continues that kind of behavior.
tinap3056 said:
NTA. If someone asks for your opinion they should not get upset when you are honest.
AgreeablePlace4439 said:
NTA. Seriously unhinged behavior on her part and you gave her good advice to start off with. It might be brutal, but it was completely true that if she continues to avoid actually discussing something’s with a partner, she will end up alone.
Aromatic_Recipe1749 said:
NTA Her behavior is inexcusable an pretty insane! I suggest that stick to work related topics or you are going to have a problem with her.
myblackandwhitecat said:
NTA. She sounds awful.
Nearby-Ad5666 said:
NTA she sounds like way too much drama. And triangulation conversations suck. She needs to talk to the actual person involved not people on the periphery
First, let me assure you if she had even the slightest clue what being a true Christian meant she would not be a gossip or spread hate. Sadly, too many churches forget to open the Bible or they pull verses out of context and harp on those because it’s not going to step on any toes of their congregation.
Hateful posts or memes won’t sway anyone. Nor will attacking those posts. If you really want to open her eyes, you should sit down with her and talk it out like an adult. For that reason, I’m going with ESH.
I thought about that, but here’s the thing. When she found out about my sexuality last year, she had a meltdown and attempted to out me to the rest of the family. But the thing is that mostly everybody already knew and didn’t care.
After that I called her in an attempt to talk to her about that. She kept declining my calls and then sent me a text where she lied and said that she did not care and that she was not judging me and that she would never try to out me to anyone..
After I made this post responding to her, she then went around to everybody else in the family complaining about me. She is willing to talk directly to everybody else except me.
I should have been more specific. This kind of conversation needs to be in person, not over the phone or in texts or even zoom. This way she can’t hang up or block the messages, etc.