Man punishes 'spoiled' daughter after she gets grandparents to attack her mom. asks AITA?

Man punishes his daughter because she's too privileged to understand what struggle is.

OK-Bee8175 says:

I (40M) am married to a (38F) woman. We met in high school. Unfortunately, my wife's parents are terrible. They completely abused her until she moved out at 18. Despite her upbringing, my wife has always strived to be a good mother and break the cycle of abuse. We both have good jobs, and our kids want for nothing. We've tried not to spoil them; they have chores, know their manners, and excel in school.

One day, my daughter asked us to visit her grandparents' house. Initially, we thought she meant my parents, but she meant my wife's parents. My wife immediately said no, and I backed her up, stating that her parents would have no part in our children's lives.

My wife believes I overreacted and that our daughter deserves to meet all her grandparents, accusing us of being selfish. My wife has been diagnosed with PTSD and still sees a therapist due to the trauma she endured as a child. This situation really upset me, and I sent our daughter to her room.

I decided to talk to my daughter and explain why we said no. My wife was reluctant but agreed as long as she didn't have to be present. The next day, I spoke to my daughter and explained that her mom's parents were abusive.

I detailed how they humiliated her daily, subjected her to constant screaming and terror, and caused her harm. I hoped this would help her understand why we made the decision we did.

Fast forward to my wife's birthday celebration, which was going well until my daughter answered a knock at the door around 7 p.m. It turned out to be my awful in-laws. My wife and her sister were shocked, but my daughter welcomed them in, claiming she had talked to them and that her mom had exaggerated the situation.

My father-in-law even had the audacity to justify their past behavior. When my wife demanded they leave, my father-in-law physically assaulted her, resulting in her needing stitches.

My father and I managed to get him out of the house, but the damage was done. My wife's trust in our daughter was shattered. I was furious and yelled at her, expressing my disbelief and disgust at her actions.

She tearfully confessed that she thought I was exaggerating and believed it would be good for them to reconnect. She reached out to them on social media, where they portrayed themselves as entirely different people.

I explained to her that evil people exist everywhere, and as parents, it's our responsibility to protect our children from them. My wife and I have decided on consequences for her actions, including losing her phone privileges and restricted socializing until she earns back our trust.

While I've comforted my wife as much as I can, she's understandably not doing well. I'm starting to think I might have been too lenient on our daughter. What do you think? Am I the jerk here?

OP provided a clarification:

Just to clarify the timeline, my daughter sought out her grandparents after I explained to her what happened during her mom's childhood. She initiated contact with them first, and she's 16 years old.

Here are the top comments:

SirRabbott says:

That man should be in jail. Press charges. You have all the witnesses you need, your wife went to the hospital! CALL THE POLICE AND MAKE A REPORT. HIT HIM WITH THE LAW.

Holiday_Horse3100 says:

File assault charges against them. At a minimum try for a restraining order. I don’t know if there is really any way to get your kid to understand just what she did.

Intrepid_Potential60 says:

I can’t imagine how I’d handle this, it is a fundamental betrayal of your, your wife’s, and familial trust. 16 year old’s often think they know a lot - when in reality they don’t even know what they don’t know - and this is a scary example of it.

She’s got a lot of work ahead of her, to earn the trust and benefit of the doubt back. She just burned whatever capital she had and then some. As a dad, you do need to show her a path to do that work. It;s our job as parents, we need to make our kids into good adults of their own, and she needs to see a path to be that from where she is. NTA, and wish you luck in this.

Traveling-Techie says:

Wow. I hope your daughter appreciates that she got a live demonstration of how easily your wife’s dad resorts to hurting her. NTA.

thisisthrownfar says:

NTA. Your poor wife… she has been made to feel helpless by her parents once again after literal decades of working to distance herself and heal from it. I think it’s important you stay firm on your punishment to truly relay the seriousness of this to your daughter.

What do you think? Should OP punish his daughter for her 'good' life?