Man tells family to shut up for shaming wife for her eating disorder, asks AITA?

I gave my family an ultimatum because they kept shaming my wife for having an eating disorder.

TW: This story talks about a person struggling with an eating disorder and invovles people not offering them the support they need/deserve.

Born-Philosopher-121 writes:

I (28M) always had a good relationship with my family growing up and even into my 20s. However, it was after my wife (27F) and I had our first child that things declined. My wife suffers from an eating disorder (anorexia), and she also has Sensory Processing Disorder.

Though that's less of an official diagnosis because it's not fully recognized on its own currently, she has doctors and therapists who recognize this as something she struggles with.

My wife's childhood was difficult, with strict parents who were unkind to their three children when it came to food. My wife got the worst of it because she struggled badly with eating certain foods, and after several years of being berated over food, told she was behaving like a spoiled little brat, and having food forced on her, she developed an eating disorder.

At the age of 17, she started seeking help on her own. At first, it was just through her school counselor, but then when she moved out and went to college, where we met, she started seeing a therapist who specialized in eating disorders and sensory feeding issues.

She was also able to recognize, because of therapy, that the reason she struggled to wear certain clothes was related to her SPD and was not her being 'weird' about clothes.

My wife has educated herself a lot on food, childhood diet, and how to healthily and joyfully introduce new foods to kids. She did this knowing she wanted kids.

I gave my family a heads up the first time they were meeting my wife that her diet was not one they were used to, and I said we could bring food if it were easier, which they said it would be for the first time. In the years they knew her before we had kids, they never complained about her eating differently from the rest of us or eating less.

Our daughter is three, and our son is one. It wasn't until she was born, and we started having family dinners again post-Covid, that I noticed they would comment on my wife's eating or how she was feeding our daughter.

I told them it wasn't kind to pick at her for eating the way she does. They said it wasn't good to still have so many problems after so long. I explained she is still working with her team, and it's a day-by-day thing sometimes. One day they decided to make a meal where there wasn't a thing on the plate my wife could eat.

They called her out for being rude and wasting food. I called them out for cooking a meal she couldn't eat when they told us we didn't need to bring anything for her. My sister also made a snarky comment about how colorful our daughter's plate of food was.

I spoke to my family and told them they had one more chance after that, and they didn't listen. So, I said they had two options: shut up about how my wife and kids eat, be kind, and allow us to bring food for her OR we don't join them for dinners anymore.

They said I was an a%#hole for giving them those two options. I said they need to pick, or I'll do it for them, and I'll go with option B. AITA?

Here are the top comments from the post:

catskilkid says:

NTA (Not the A%#hole). 5 stars for having your wife's back She had a condition that always requires work and thought to avoid relapse. You family seems to think its like a flu and its time that she was cured. They seem unable/incapable and your ultimatum was reasonable.

The fact that they called you an AH for this shows they KNOW they are incapable of holding their tongues. That makes them worse than AH but morally questionable people willing to taunt someone different (actually not just willing, but feeling compelled to regardless of the consequence.) 5 stars for standing up for your wife (that's 10 stars!!)

sikonat says:

NTA. Your family is judgmental and nasty. Good on you for standing up for your wife. Lord knows this sub is full of spouses who either do nothing when ILs berate or judge or they take their family’s side.

I think you’ve handled this perfectly, and what you’ll need to do is stand strong against all the barrage of calls and texts you’re going to get. Just keep reiterating the rules/ boundaries and tell them it’s not up for discussion.

HeirOfRavenclaw says:

NTA. Your family sounds unenjoyable to be around. Focus on what works for your wife and kids, and f%ck the haters.

What do you think? Was OP right to give his family an ultimatum or should he have joined them in chastising his wife?