My (23M) girlfriend (23F) have been dating for about a year now. She’s been on a crazy baby kick lately. I definitely want to have kids but not for some time down the line. I’ve communicated this with her but I said if she wants a kid now, she can stay home and take care of it.
We’re both just starting our careers and are in really no position to have a child. This baby kick upsets me because I’m 50-75% remote so I will be the one taking care of the child if we do have one.
While I’m just starting to attempt to make a name for myself in my company and in the field. I am not willing to make that sacrifice at 23 years old. Soooo I told her if she wants a kid so badly she can stay home and take care of it.
She got mad that I was asking her to put the hypothetical baby before her career. She’s upset that I think she should be the caretaker when I go off to work. The issue is, I’m not insinuating that.
Who knows? Maybe 5-10 years down the line one of us will be in a position to be a caretaker. And if not, at least we’ll be making enough money to afford daycare.
The point is, we’re in no position to have a child. I am not willing to make the sacrifices right now. If she wants one so badly, she can make the sacrifices. AITA for having this sentiment?
Might be a good time to live like a monk for awhile.
PSA - no one should be having a baby in any situation, with the assumption that the partner working from home can look after it. Working from home is WORK! Everyone I know who is a parent and working from home full time, also has childcare in place.
NTA, but you need to end things ASAP because you do not have compatible goals/views.
NTA, but her staying home to take care of a baby is so not the solution. If you don’t want a child right now you absolutely need to make that clear and if she can’t accept that you really need to leave. My husband and I have a 6 month old. He was planned and we are in a solid spot in our lives to have a baby.
I know everyone says babies are a lot of work, but really that doesn’t even scratch the surface. I am a stay at home mom and some days it’s hard to have a chance to eat and go to the bathroom. So I am scrabbling to get everything that needs done accomplished when my husband gets home.
So he comes home, either has to watch the baby or help with chores. We take turns eating dinner. He gets a tiny bit of downtime here and there, but honestly I know it has to be crazy stressful for him too. I try to take most nights so he can sleep and be alert at work, but when baby goes through really fussy fazes I sometimes have to take a night off for my sanity.
When baby was really young we even had to sleep in shifts and both only ended up with an average of 6 hours a night. So please don’t think that if you are not 100% on board with a baby it will be alright if she just stays at home with them. Your life will still be turned completely upside down. If she can’t take ‘not right now’ as an answer, you really need to leave.