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Man tells live-in BIL he won't be moving with them, but didn't tell wife his decision.

Man tells live-in BIL he won't be moving with them, but didn't tell wife his decision.


Living with your in-laws can be difficult. They have opinions, take up space, and your partner may not always be on your side when there is conflict. It's important to be clear about expectations and how long you will live with your in-laws.

On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, one man is done living with his BIL and tells him that without consulting his wife.

He writes:

My wife and I decided to look for a bigger home last month and sell the one we live in. She told me she's finally ready to have more kids and wants at least two more. We currently live in a three-bedroom house with two bathrooms. We have a room, my daughter has one, and my BIL stays in one. My BIL and I have had our differences, but we're good.

Last week, we went to view a home that looked promising. My BIL asked if he could tag along to see, and I said sure. The house was beautiful, and while we were there, he commented that he would like one of the rooms on the opposite side of the house.

I didn't say anything, but when we got back into the car, he commented again that he wanted that room. I told him that when the time came to switch houses, he most likely wasn't going with us. He looked surprised, and before he could say anything, my wife looked at me and asked why he wouldn't be coming with us.

I told her she wanted more kids and that we were only moving to have more space for another kid. She said the kids could share rooms. I told her it wouldn't be fair to our daughter to sleep In a room with a baby that is going to cry.

She turned around and told her brother that she would work something out, and that's he coming with us. I got upset and told her brother he wouldn't because I agreed to let him live with us, but it was not permanent. It's not the life I pictured living. That he would understand once he gets married and has kids.

My wife is upset and is firm on her brother coming with us and told me I'm selfish and inconsiderate of people. I did start to feel like a jerk after I thought about it. AITA?

The internet gives their professional opinion.

KronkLaSworda says:

Stop the house hunting. No more visits to houses. Don't even look at the ones she finds. You have a much larger problem to solve. You are done with having a live-in BIL. Time for the bird to fly. Does your wife expect him to live with you forever?

NTA (Not the A**hole) if this is a deal breaker for you. Stand your ground and work this out. My significant other and I have a rule for something this important: it takes two yes answers for a yes and one no answer for a no.

Ok_Leg_6429 says:

Dig in your heels. Stop looking at houses. You lose all leverage if you let BIL move with you. Or you will end up divorced, and BIL will still live with your ex-wife and kids.

JeepersCreepers74 says:

Not an AH for thinking the move is a good time for BIL to find his place, but you and your wife should have discussed this before you each announced your independent decision to him. ESH (Everyone Sucks Here).

OP, make sure you tell your wife about big decisions before you make them!

Sources: Reddit
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