Man warns mom; 'My wife is pressing charges against you and my brother, time to LAWYER UP.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my mom it’s time to lawyer up?"

My mom moved in with after she sold her home to avoid medical bankruptcy. Things have been rocky because my mom was always my house my rules type of person.

I have an older brother Scott who helped my mom with home repairs but Scott and my wife do not get along so he doesn’t come over much.

Me and my wife went away for a weekend getaway and Scott and my mom repainted our living room white.

It was navy with built in bookcases and pantry. The job was done so shitty and the original paint job with the bookcase cost us thousands to remodel.

My wife started crying and my mom and brother said they wanted to brighten the place up for my mom.

I didn’t know this at the time but my wife called my SIL (my wife’s brother wife, who is a lawyer) and the contractor who originally did the work on our living room remodel.

My wife is getting ready to press suit against my mother and Scott and has already handed my mom legal eviction notice.

It’s deserved and I back it 100% because this paint job was done so s&y and without the home owners permission.

My mom is saying with an eviction for property damage she will not be able to find a place and my wife needs to stop.

My wife has installed cameras in the home and is getting the court orders in place for my mom and brother.

My wife’s family is paying for this and at this point I’m afraid to say anything because I feel like if I protest too much the big divorce will come and with my wife’s SIL as a lawyer I don’t want to mess with the situation because it’s a shit show.

My and brother told me my mom has rights and I said I guess it’s time for my mom to lawyer up on her dime because I’m not touching this and it’s my wife’s lawyers pushing things through

(I did sign off on the lawsuit and possible criminal charges coming) My mom said she would contest the eviction and I need to man up and make my wife do the right thing and drop the eviction and lawsuit. AITA?

Let's see what readers had to say:

gaheywr writes:

NTA for telling your mom to lawyer up, YTA for not immediately demanding your mom and brother fix the problem, politely asking your mom to move out, and otherwise defending your wife against your bad family.

agrt writes:

I agree with this. Not knowing anything else about the wife, I have to make an assumption that she is normal and levelheaded. I believe that OPs wife knows that the OP is a mommas-boy with no balls.

OP had demonstrated and punctuated with his post, that he is unwilling to stand up to his mother and brother to protect his home and his wife from this type of behavior. I can only speculate about divorce, but OP has already lost his manhood and likely any respect from any of the parties in this dispute.

OPs wife is clearly on her own with this and is using what tools she has to solve her problem and maintain control over her house.

I don’t know is OP is TA, but my advice to him is to go find a real man somewhere and ask him what to do in order to save his family and maybe regain some dignity.

agtyupu writes:

I think YTA solely because you’re just upset they did a shit paint job and not that they painted to begin with. You said it in the post and in the comments.

Fix your attitude, tell your mom to get the hell out and start getting your hands involved. Back your wife.

Your mom overstepped, she has zero plans of moving out with the evidence of she painted the place to brighten it up for her. No one does that if they plan on leaving. She plans to live there forever.

Grow up and Protect your wife or lose your wife and join your mom in the streets. Being quiet and staying on the sidelines is just protecting your mom.

agahypu writes:

ESH except your wife. your mother is completely outrageous. What she did is we beyond what tenant, guest, or in law should do.

your brother is a complete moron. He knew you were out of town and never stopped to think that maybe you wouldn’t want the home you remodeled painted? Your mom is concerned about her.

you have been entirely too neutral. There is no staying out of this. Your wife is going so ballistic and so extreme because you are not taking a stand.

You should’ve immediately when you walked into your home and your wife began to cry. tell your mother to pack her shit and get the hell out.

If your mother does not want an eviction with property damage on her record, I suggest she pack her shit and get the hell out of your house.

That is the only way to resolve this. If she insist on trying to fight it then I guess she’ll have to deal with the record .

cresmpe writes:

Exactly this. Mom can avoid eviction by leaving voluntarily right now. I would advocate for dropping the legal proceedings on condition that she leave immediately with all of her property.

Probably also with her signing something written up by the attorney stating as much. It sounds like mom won’t be able to pay anything regardless of any court decision so best to just get it all done asap.

agahwe78 writes:

NTA. What your mom did was completely out of line and crossed pretty much every boundary I can think of. Your wife has every right to take whatever action she thinks is necessary to fix this.

Have you and your wife given your mother and older brother opportunity to either fix the problems they created or compensate you guys to get this fixed professionally?

I think there's some room to pull back a little if they are willing to fix the problems they created, otherwise your wife is just doing what she needs to do. Is it a bit extreme? Maybe. But extreme problems call for extreme solutions.

cr3imfath writes:

ESH. Your mother is a tenant, not the homeowner. As a tenant she has certain rights. permanently altering or damaging the home without permission of the homeowner is not one such right! Being related to the homeowner does not give her homeowner rights. Both your mom and brother are old enough to know better. Classic case of FAFI!

Edit: altering judgement after reading numerous comments, including replies from OP. OP shares blame for not nipping these behaviours in the bud a long time ago. If this was a first offence, his poor wife likely wouldn't have gone nuclear like she did. Sounds like she was at the end of her tether here and felt like nuclear was the only choice left to her.

Only one not an AH here is the wife, for suffering OP's family's BS for far too long and finally being the one to take a stand

agathy writes:

YTA for not backing your wife 110%. Your mom ruined a major feature and cost in your home simply to exert control. She used your brother as her flying monkey.

Your complete answer should have been, "Mom, you were a tenant and did not have permission to alter our home. You ruined a renovation that had cost us a significant amount of money to have done and will cost a significant amount of money to re-set.

You know it was wrong and unapproved because you waited until we were out of the home to have it done. It is not the right of the tenant to damage the home."

If your wife is at this point, it's highly unlikely this is the first major overstep from your mom. I would also bet that this was a feature of the home your wife was either really proud of or treasured.

If your mom had any sense whatsoever, she would offer to leave in lieu of an eviction. She is in 100% control of the eviction being on her record.

Additionally, even a tenant isn't allowed to make fundamental changes to a property without permission. If they do, they are either liable for the damages and/or to return the property to its original condition at their own expense. That's why tenants who paint a rental paint it back before move-out.

If you're in the US, advising she talk to a lawyer is you being nice to her since the lawyer will hopefully tell her she has a snowballs chance in hell of winning this and should leave of her own accord to avoid a legal eviction.