Man tells mom; 'You were an UNWANTED guest.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my mom she’s was an unwanted guest?"

My wife has had a stressful time at work and was looking forward to a vacation at her grandparents cabin. She brought a few books she wanted to read and I brought my fishing rod.

She had no plans to entertain. My dad stopped by to go fishing. It was supposed to be just my dad stopping by for the day but somehow my mom inserted herself and I was shocked to see her.

My wife had no plans to entertain her. I told my mom that. My mom bought stuff for lunch and dinner and tried to engage my wife into making dinner for us all and my wife said no. She’s relaxing and reading. If my mom wanted to cook that’s my mom’s prerogative.

My dad and I get back late and at the table my mom started to complain how she did this all herself. I looked at my wife who just took her plate and ate in her room. My mom started to complain to me about it and I told my mom “she technically wasn’t invited and my wife had no expectations to entertain her in my wife’s cabin while my wife is on vacation”

My mom started saying well she wouldn’t have came if she knew that. I told my mom next time take the hint. If you aren’t invited don’t come.

My parents left after dinner. My mom complained that my wife should have tried to be a gracious hostess and I said maybe my mom should try not being an unwanted guest.

Let's see what readers thought:

gbrwonguy writes:

ESH. Once your mom showed up, you needed to make it clear to her that your wife wasn't there to entertain her. By leaving your wife to deal with your mom you added to the awkwardness of the situation. Your mom is a bigger asshole for just showing up uninvited because your dad was there. But irrespective of that, you should have done more to preserve your wife's peace before leaving with your dad.

gordiegoo writes:

YTA. Your first paragraph tells you, YTA. Your wife has had a stressful time at work. The trip to the cabin is an escape for her - no finger lifting, no hosting. So what do you do? You invite your dad.

Knowing from past experience your mom will likely jump in because as you say, she does this All The Time. And then you leave the two of them to it because you and your dad r "gone fishin'". Bet you two had a great time. And then you come back to find your wife has been made to feel uncomfortable and restricted in her own family's place.

Again, knowing that your mom invites herself and behaves this way "all the time". Drama ensues. How restful for your wife. You blame your mom for all this, get a few digs in. Dude wipe the dirt and denial off that mirror, that's You staring back at yourself. You're to blame.

tradstar writes:

YTA This falls on you. You left to go enjoy your day while leaving your wife with your mom. They are your parents.

If you cared so much about your wife getting relaxation the right thing to do was sacrifice your plans to entertain both of your parents. If fishing was THAT important to you and your dad, why didn’t you tell your mom she was going to have to go along fishing?

Additionally you said you and your dad “got back late”. No part of you thought maybe you should hustle home and see how your wife was faring with the unwanted guest? yeesh If I was your wife you would be hearing from me up one side and down the other!

leabb8 writes:

NTA for telling your mom she was an unwanted guest. But I do think you should've sent her away as soon as she arrived. It's unclear how far away the cabin is, but surely there's something she could've been doing away from the cabin while your dad fished with you.

There's a lot of shitty things people did here. Your wife probably expected to have the cabin to herself while you fished, and it sucks she had to go hide in her room because your mom was in her space.

There also appears to not be a ton of great communication going on here. Did you invite your dad fishing and make him aware of your plans, and that he was only invited to go fishing?

Did he tell your mom this when she decided to tag along? Why did your mom not ask YOU if she could come? Why did your dad not tell you she'd invited herself?

fagrrr writes:

YTA I think it is safe to assume, your mom and dad do things together all the time. He probably didn’t think twice inviting her to join him after you invited him up to the cabin in the first place. Curious, is why you invited him at all? Can you not spend time with your wife after she’s had a stressful week?

Can you not relax with her?. You invited your father, but not your mother and then tell your mother that she needs to take a hint! How dare you speak to her that way. Kind of rude. And yes, if your mother does this all the time you should have known that this was a very good possibility and YOU should not have infringed on your wife’s relaxation time.