Man tells his mother, 'you're not a first-time mom just because you had a new baby.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my mother she's not a 'first-time mom' now that she had a new baby?"

I (24M) have a good relationship with my mother (40F) even though, as you can tell from our age, she had me when she was very young and obviously lacked the maturity to raise me, so I lived my grandparents, who were then below poverty line, for most of my childhood while my mother moved away to get her college education.

I don’t blame her for her choices, I know she worked hard to improve herself and to get to a place where she would have the means to raise me right, but it wasn’t until I was 11 or 12 that she was stable enough to get me to live with her (bio dad was never in the picture).

Anyway, now, my mother is financially comfortable and happily married. She gave birth to her second son a couple of weeks ago. I don’t live with her anymore (we’re not in the same city, it’s a 2-hour drive), so it wasn’t until yesterday that I managed to visit her and see my half-brother for the first time.

I noticed she was surrounded by a lot of fancy accessories, so I was like “what are those?” and she was like "That's the baby’s Lexus stroller and Louis Vuitton diaper bag of course." So I said something like “You really went overboard huh?”

And then she said something that really hurt me. She said she now had the chance to experience motherhood for the first time, and that she was feeling like a first time mom because, when she had me, she was so young and unprepared and financially vulnerable.

So I told her she was not a first time mom, and I couldn’t understand why she’d say something like that to me. She tried to argue that she didn’t mean it like that, but I was still upset, I just didn’t push it because my stepfather arrived. She texted me after I left, but I didn’t reply yet. I also didn’t pick up when she tried to call me. AITA for holding on to this?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Realistic-Active7230 said:

NTA and this is a very tricky situation and I understand why you are upset, I’m sorry that you didn’t get the same response when you were born as your mum was so young. It’s an insensitive thing to say to you and I hope your mother can try to understand why you are upset.

kifflington said:

NTA. Your mother failed to engage that vital filter between brain and mouth. Anyone with half a brain would have known that comment would hurt you and make you feel like she thinks you don't really count as *her* child. It's the sort of comment that tickles those psychological abandonment places and she needs to apologise to you.

ButtonTemporary8623 said:

NTA. that’s incredibly hurtful. Like incredibly. She should be lucky you don’t blame her for living in poverty the first decade of your life while she was off living her best life in college.

mauvebirdie said:

NTA. I understand where she's coming from too. I've met parents who raised children in poverty and then their next children when they were more financially stable and sadly, the economic environment and support they get does affect how they see their children.

However, you are by definition her first child so I think you can treat this like a freudian slip. She probably didn't mean to hurt you but she does view this second child as her real first parenting experience and that's factually incorrect and also hurtful to you.

MajorAd2679 said:

NTA. Your mother isn’t a first time parent but let’s be clear that she didn’t raise you, your grandparents did until you were 11-12 years old.

mlssac said:

NTA. She's excited. Clearly she shouldn't have phrased it like that.

Dizzy-Solid-8750 said:

Nta - I can kind of understand where she's coming from, but her comment that it's her first time being a mom must hurt. She shouldn't have said that to you even if she thought it.