It would be nice if money were pretty readily available when we needed it, but that isn't the world we live in. People often have to choose between buying some extra groceries and paying rent. Having to ask for help can feel embarrassing, but it's probably the right thing to do if you have friends and family that can help.
Her sibling writes:
I am 48 years old, married but child-free by choice. It’s something my wife and I agreed on early in our relationship. We both have good jobs and can afford many expensive items and activities. Obviously, I attribute this to our jobs and the fact that we are child-free and live in a one-bedroom apartment.
I own a manufacturing plant that was given to me by my father. I store four classic cars on that property I bought/restored. I have always been a car guy. I plan to buy another car in the next year too.
I have one sister who is younger than me and never made the best decisions in life. She has a boyfriend who she lives with after getting divorced twice. She’s also in her early 40s. She has two kids who already seem smarter than their mom. She makes an okay living, but she’s the breadwinner.
Her boyfriend lives with spends most of his time stoned and playing Xbox. He’s always 'looking for a new job.' Or blaming 'the capitalist system' for him not having a job. Her daughter (10) is a very good singer. I don’t have an ear for talent, but to me, She is very good.
My sister has wanted to enroll her in lessons with a private coach but cannot afford it. She has asked me to help her since she is embarrassed to ask our parents. She also does not speak to the father of her daughter. I declined politely until she commented on my money and cars, just another 'must be nice' comment I’m all too sick of hearing. Here is where I made my a**hole comment.
I said, 'Maybe if your boyfriend can put down the dope for ten minutes, he can help you out,' and 'I have five cars; I’ll buy another five before I give you a dime.' I said her daughter isn’t my responsibility. She’s got a mother and a father, and if they can’t figure it out, it doesn’t fall on my shoulders. My sister called my wife and told her 'how mean' I was to her. My wife wants us to give them money, but I don’t want to.
Sure, we can afford it, but I’m not my sister's welfare. Last bit, I’m sure some of you will comment on how I refer to her daughter or my niece. They live in another state and have for the entirety of their life. I don’t see my sister or her kids much at all. I don’t know her kids too well. I send them birthday and Christmas gifts, but I’m not close to them.
The internet loves a family squabble.
Sue_Dohnim says:
So it's been years of making snide and passive-aggressive comments by the sister. The same sister is too ashamed or maybe has depleted the parents' money train because of her constant begging. Maybe she's made too many snippy comments to the parents, too, and they've finally had enough. Now, if she'd been nicer all these years, OP probably wouldn't hesitate to help.
OP took on the family business. OP has made it a continued success. OP made personal choices that resulted in having a comfortable life. Nobody is obligated to help raise or fund their sibling(s) child(ren). Sister seems to have a habit of making not-so-smart life choices.
That is not OP's problem. Could OP have been nicer? Less insulting? Sure. But even the most patient people finally have enough, and that's what this sounds like. NTA (Not the A**hole).
seregil42 says:
You can spend your money any way you want to, but man, the entire attitude in this post rubs me the wrong way. I will refrain from judgment because I feel like a lot is missing here. Also, seeing in the comments that your parents gave you the factory and your sister nothing probably adds a different family dynamic you didn't discuss here.
Pepper-90210 says:
You’re not TA for saying no per se, but YTA (You're the A**hole) because you come across as a harsh, spoiled, judgemental snot. It would have been a super sweet gesture to your niece had you helped pay for lessons as an early birthday gift. There are so many talented kids who never get a real chance in life to shine simply because there isn’t money for extracurricular activities.
Buying cars in this economy? Wow, OP, you must be loaded.