Woman kicks brother out after he accuses her of 'spoiling' his niece because she cooks for her child.

Man confronts sister about how she spoils her daughter, wife says he should've been quite.

spoiledniece writes:

My sister is a single mom to a 10-year-old daughter, Joelle. My wife, son (4), and I are staying with her temporarily while we get some repairs done on our house after a flood.

We've observed their daily routine over the past few days, and it's quite extensive. Each morning, my sister rises at 6, tidies Joelle's room, lays out her school uniform, prepares her lunch, packs her backpack, wakes Joelle up, then fixes her breakfast while Joelle showers and dresses. After walking Joelle to school, my sister returns home and begins her workday.

Upon their return, there's a snack waiting for Joelle, and she does her homework at the table while my sister works nearby. Joelle occupies herself while my sister cooks, they share a meal, Joelle plays again while my sister tidies up, and then my sister helps Joelle get ready for bed before finishing up her remaining chores.

I expressed concern to my sister about the extent to which she's pampering Joelle. It seems excessive that Joelle doesn't take responsibility for tasks like cleaning her room, doing her own laundry, or packing her own backpack. My 4-year-old son manages to prepare himself for daycare with far less parental assistance than Joelle requires daily.

My sister became defensive, implying that we're inadequate parents for not following her approach with my son. Now, she's suggesting that our living arrangement isn't working and wants us to find a hotel by the end of the week.

My wife thinks I should have stayed silent, but I find it baffling that Joelle, who will be entering middle school next year, still can't pack her own backpack. AITA for confronting my sister about spoiling her child in this manner?

Here are the top comments:

dsfjr says:

YTA (You're the A^#&ole). You are a guest in your sister's home and go and criticize her parenting? Your complaints are ridiculous. You are upset the kid is playing while her mom cooks? What do you want her to do, cook her own dinner?

Complaining she does her homework next to her mom? She's freaking 10! You want the kid to do her own laundry? I fear to find out how you treat your own son.

Tella_Fone says:

YTA If someone is gracious enough to let you stay with them, you're in no position to criticize their parenting. Quite frankly it's none of your business. Your wife is a wise woman.

zeeelfprince says:

DON'T. GIVE. UNSOLICITED. ADVICE. If your sister actually wanted parenting advice from you, SHE WOULD ASK YOU. You were staying with her for free, and you opened your trap, and now you have to stay in a hotel because you couldn't just let it go. YTA.

AhSighLumm says:

YTA. What was the purpose of stating this to Joelle's mom? Also, spoiling, in my opinion, would be buying the kid an iPhone for nor reason, not laying out her clothes and getting the kid a snack. I think this child is well looked after. They do their homework and have a parent that cares and loves them. I would hardly call this spoiled.

If the kid was older, like a teenager maybe, I could see how there may be a discussion regarding this, like "hey, does Joelle ever clean her own room? You deserve a break!" The way you delivered this alone was probably not the best approach. I understand what you're saying, and it's clearly very different from your own views, but you really didn't handle this well.

Even then, though, growing up and learning to become a functioning adult is HARD. On top of school and impending puberty, kids deserve to get a leg up if possible. Within reason, of course. I hope that once I am older, I'm able to provide things like this to make my child's life easier. Navigating the world is difficult, and if you have a parent who has enough time to provide this for you, you're lucky but definitely not spoiled.

sswishbone says:

Do her own laundry? At 10 years old? What year is this again?

What do you think? Was OP right to be concerned about his sister "spoiling" his niece?