'AITA for telling my sister-in-law that her 'side hustle' makes her a bad person?'
"AITA for telling my sister-in-law that her 'side hustle' makes her a bad person?"
My brother (33M) and his wife (30F) have 2 young boys (3 & 1). My wife and I have a 5-year-old son so over the years we have given them quite a few items that we no longer used/needed.
Crib, clothes, toys, various baby items, etc. Most of the things were just taking up space in our house and we knew they would put them to use so we had no problem giving them away.
We visited them a couple weeks ago for their 3-year-old's birthday party. During the party, SIL mentioned that she has been selling off a bunch of baby stuff as a "side hustle." Both she and my brother are the youngest of their families and she said that they get so many hand-me-downs from their siblings that they couldn't keep track of them all.
Her solution was to start selling these gifts off online to make a few extra bucks. She was basically bragging about it. I told her that is a pretty crappy thing to do considering that these items were given to them as gifts that they willingly accepted and were expected to use.
I asked her if they had sold some of the things we have given them and she laughed and said that she was sure she did because we've given them a lot of stuff. I told her that if I had known she was going to sell those items off, I would have given them away to someone else or donated them to a local non-profit that helps young mothers in need.
She got defensive and told me that it's not like she's making a lot of money off these things, just a few bucks here and there. I told her that the people buying those items are probably the same people who would benefit from getting them for free and that she's taking advantage of them.
She went off about how hard things are with the economy right now and how they need all the help they can get financially. Mind you, both she and my brother have college degrees and work full-time. I know raising kids is expensive, but they aren't in dire straits.
I told her that she probably shouldn't expect us to give them anything else in the future and I would probably suggest to my other siblings that they refrain from doing so as well and look into other options for donating things. She got defensive again and told me that she doesn't feel like she's doing anything wrong.
I told her she's entitled to feel that way, but my opinion of her as a person is now lesser because of this. She said that selling things they don't use to make a few bucks doesn't make her a bad person and I told her that considering they were given these things for free, it kind of does.
By this point other people had noticed our conversation and my brother stepped in to end the conversation before things got too heated. He told me I should mind my own business and that if I don't want to give them anything else in the future, that's my choice. But that I took this too far by calling his wife a bad person for selling things they don't use.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
thesilveringfox said:
YTA. You gave her family some stuff. at this point the stuff was no longer yours. she can do whatever she wants with it: sell it, burn it, whatever. you get zero say. yes, you’re perfectly entitled to no longer give her hand-me-downs (i.e., your trash), that’s your choice.
YTA mostly because you’re judging her for what she does with her (family’s) stuff. Enlisting the rest of the family to follow your lead? Low. They get to make their own decisions.
Ok_Discount_7889 said:
NTA. I’m with you on this one. Selling a bulky item here or there wouldn’t be a big deal to me (the second hand market for baby stuff is huge and a discount on a big ticket item can be a win-win for both parties), but calling it a side hustle and bragging about how much money she’s making off of her family’s generosity doesn’t sit well.
Guess she’s never heard of the concept of paying it forward. I don’t think you’re going to convince her you’re right though, so I would just avoid the subject moving forward. And donate your things to a charity or local "Buy Nothing" group instead.
Zealousideal_Till683 said:
YTA. Your brother is entirely right. If you don't approve of what she's doing, don't give them more stuff. It's a terrible idea to insult people because you disagree on the best way to handle things. Your sister-in-law has a slightly different moral compass than yours, she didn't burn down an orphanage.
wlfwrtr said:
NTA. Sounds like SIL is accepting things she knows she can't or won't use to sell them. You never said she was a bad person just that you no longer think so highly of her. If she used the things then sold them because she had no one to pass them on to but it doesn't sound like that's what she does.
End the gifting to her but some people may not mind what she does as long as they don't have to go to the hassle of trying to get rid of things no longer want.
Wild-Home-4337 said:
NTA. Honestly, I think it’s really tacky to do that, even as a side hustle. I would be upset if my family did this. Even if she gets a lot of hand me downs, I think trading or donating is okay but selling is just tacky.
Sea_Yesterday_8888 said:
NTA. I actually think it’s perfectly ok to dispose of hand me downs anyway people see fit. What is not ok is to brag about it in front of the gifter. That is rude and thoughtless.