Man tells his unemployed girlfriend she's 'penny pinching' him, 'I paid all our rent.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my (24M) GF (25F) she’s penny-pinching me after losing her job?"
1.5 years ago, I got a new grad job out of state and my girlfriend moved with me. It is an HCOL area, and our apartment is 2k / month. For the first year, she worked part time to nurture her mental health (paid me $150/month in rent). For the next .5 year, she worked full time, paying $800/month in rent and splitting utilities.
Last month, she was laid off from her job. She had the money saved up from the whole month of work to pay rent, but she didn’t, and I didn’t say anything. I paid all of our rent and utilities for January, and will continue to do so moving forward.
She has been on vacation for 2 weeks, and I realized our pet cat was running low on food. To hold her over before buying in bulk online, I bought a small $8 package of food. I asked my gf to pay half, and she refused, saying I need to take responsibility for my own mistake.
This is where I started fuming. I told her her she needs to think twice before penny pinching me on little mistakes when she literally suddenly stopped contributing like $1k to our shared bills. She said “my dad says you should be paying all of the rent anyways," and said that she “has to penny pinch” because she doesn’t have a job.
I just try to put myself in her shoes…imagining I lost my job and my partner were paying the entirety of rent and utilities…I would be OVERLY GRATEFUL and would help anywhere I can.
Am I over reacting about just a few dollars like an ahole, or is she out of line telling me to “take accountability” like that? I (1) - got mad and told her she was penny-pinching. She (2) - said that she has to penny pinch now that she’s lost her job, and I need to take accountability for my mistake. Am I the ahole for getting mad about such a small expense?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
squirrelsareevil2479 said:
NTA. Tell girlfriend she can live with her dad and he can pay her rent for her. Solves all the problems as she will continue getting worse. Why is she on vacation when she should be looking for a job?
xzxinflamesxzx said:
NTA. I think there is a disconnect here in her thinking. I can go on vacation for two weeks after I lose my job, but I cannot afford to help my BF out with OUR cat. To me, it seems like red flags are popping up here.
grapefruitviolin said:
NTA - I wouldn't even be able to relax if my partner was footing my bill, I would feel so incredibly terrible and doing whatever I could to contribute. This is not a good sign in a life partner.
dryadduinath said:
NTA. First of all, “our pet cat” has two owners, which means it was not your mistake any more than it was hers. Second of all, her dad is fully out of line, and so is she. You don’t just assume your partner will pay all your bills without a serious conversation where you both agree to that. Third of all, I don’t know why you decided to pay all the rent...
And utility going forward, but I would strongly urge you to reconsider. Do you really want to be in that kind of financial relationship with someone who hasn’t taken responsibility for losing her job and just expected you to cover all the bills when she fully had the ability to and just decided not to, but balks at being asked to pay four dollars for a cat you both share?
DiligentGoat2406 said:
NTA. It’s not about the $8—it’s about the principle. You’ve been covering the majority of expenses, even when she’s contributing nothing, and the least she could do is show some appreciation instead of doubling down on an $8 expense. Relationships are partnerships, and her dismissive attitude...
("My dad says you should pay all the rent") is not only unfair but ungrateful. Penny-pinching someone who’s literally keeping the roof over your head is a bad look.
TeoBelle said:
Nta. This is not your wife and it doesnt sound like there is any communication happening. Tell her to move back into parents. See if you this relationship can continue.