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Man tells his wife his mom will never love her so she should stop trying, asks AITA?

Man tells his wife his mom will never love her so she should stop trying, asks AITA?


Man tells wife to stop trying to 'win over' MIL because she'll never love her.

Quiet_Ninja9866 says:

I have been married to my wife for two years, and the best way to describe my mother is cold. She is not rude or anything. It's that she's just disinterested in my wife. The best way I can explain my mom is that she is tired. She had a hard life, didn't have much affection left to give, and rarely got close to anyone.

It's pure disinterest, and she can't care about new people. She's a retired old lady that wants to sit on the porch quietly, not make small talk with people. I've explained this to my wife and told her my mother's story.

My mother rarely invites anyone to the porch with her. Most of the time, if people join her on the porch, it's very little small talk or join her watching the garden. She doesn't care how loud they are in the house or anything like that. She likes watching others have a good time, more of an observer than anything.

We had a little get-together at my mom's house. My mom doesn't like it when people bring food, she works all day to make a spread, and it's like her thing. She wants to provide for the guests. My wife came from work, and she brought food, potato salad.

I stopped her from bringing it in, but then she was bothering my mother the whole night when she was on the porch. Asking her if she wants to go on a shopping trip when my mom asks for some quiet, she still talks.

When I was walking by, she asked me to take my wife away from her. This upset my wife, but I did it since Mom was getting close to the end of her rope. She asked for quiet from my wife since she had been going on for a while.

My sister was out there and told me mom tried politer ways to ask her to be quiet, which didn't work. Also, the direct request didn't work with my wife, and she kept going.

We talked in the car about what that was all about, and she wanted to be loved by her MIL. She is being nice, so she doesn't get why she doesn't like her. I told her my mother would never love her and to stop. My wife is actively making my mother dislike her by not leaving the woman alone. She called me a jerk and hasn't spoken to me since.

Here are the top comments from the post:

Forward_Ad_7988 says:

She's a retired old lady that wants to sit on the porch, not make small talk with people. Honestly, your mom sounds like my life goal.

NTA (Not the A#%hole), it sucks for your wife, but let people be. Not everyone will be liked by everyone, and your wife should be old and mature enough to understand that.

BoyoDee says:

Might be against the grain here but YTA (You're the A#^hole), your mom too, sort of. Why even have a get together if you want to be left the hell alone? 'Don’t bring any food only I want to provide for guests, but I don’t want to TALK to guests.'

Does that not sound strange? Go one way or the other. Your mom could at least show some basic respect to her especially when SHE is the host. Maybe it’s just a very different family dynamic from what I’m used to but I feel like if I was in your wife’s position I wouldn’t feel very welcome.

Inevitable-Tour-1561 says:

Damn instead of just saying ‘hey babe don’t try so hard let her warm up to you.’ You just went full on ‘abandon all hope ye who enter into my family.’

Alarming_Reply_6286 says:

NTA. Leave cranky old people alone. The older I get, the more I understand and appreciate this statement. If your wife really wants your mother to like her, then she should just ignore her. Say thanks for the food left.

Many people would believe that’s being rude to the host; however, the gift of kindness is accepting people for who they are—not trying to force them to be someone you want them to be.

What do you think? Was OP right to tell his wife that she has not shot, or should he have just let her continue shooting?

Sources: Reddit
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