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Man tells wife that she needs to knock before entering his separate bedroom. AITA?

Man tells wife that she needs to knock before entering his separate bedroom. AITA?


"AITA for telling my wife she needs to knock on my separate bedroom door before entering?"

About a year ago, my (44M) wife (38F) suggested us getting separate bedrooms since she had a lot of trouble sleeping together and it would allow us to have our own privacy. I was initially not a big fan of the idea because I thought it would effect our relationship and our connection, but after talking about it for a few months I reluctantly agreed. She also suggested that we need to respect each other's privacy by knocking on each other's doors before entering.

So for about a year now we have had our own bedrooms and to my surprise, I have been enjoying it a lot. We still sleep together a few times a week, but do spend the majority of the nights separately. I have really enjoyed the privacy and having the opportunity to unwind by myself without having to worry about anything else. But my wife on the other hand doesn't seem to be enjoying it as much.

She has started spending more nights with me in my bedroom which is fine. But she has now started acting like we don't have any agreements at all. At first she was very adamant about knocking on each other's doors before entering each other's rooms and would frequently call me out on it if I didn't. But now she has started acting like my separate bedroom is her bedroom and she doesn't knock before entering my room like we agreed to.

When I called her out on it, she got really emotional and angry with me. She told me that I didn't care about her and I didn't want to have her around anymore. She also said that it really hurts her feelings. But I just referred to all the rules she had made up and that has gotten her really upset. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one: '

WikkidWitchly said:

NTA, but I think you guys need an impartial third party for helping you discuss things. She wanted privacy and space. You did your best to allow that even though you weren't entirely on board. Now, you've managed to make it work for you and she's stomping all over the boundaries that SHE put in place, probably because SHE put them there.

They were mainly for her and you were supposed to be upset about it. The fact that you're no longer upset is nagging at her. And that in itself speaks to something else in the marriage that needs to be addressed.

She doesn't get to make unilateral rules, demand you abide by them, then emotionally manipulate you until she gets her own way- which seems to change whenever she feels like changing it. You're not a mind reader. She needs to be upfront if she wants things. And she also needs to take YOUR feelings into consideration. It sounds like she's not.

According-Step-5433 said:

NTA. Something else is going on. She's being very controlling. I would sit her down during a time when you are not fighting and say something like "What is going on? Clearly there is something else underlying this because you decided all of this and I didn't want to do it, then I agreed and when it starts working for me and things are going well, you went back on everything you said. So it's time to come clean, and tell me what is really going on."

Darthkhydaeus said:

NTA. Could be a case of buyers remorse. Have a conversation asking of this sleeping arrangement still works for both of you. However, I would say you get to be the ultimate judge on if things go back to the way they were or you find some new middle ground.

katbelleinthedark said:

NTA, you are upholding the rules she established. She is upset because she no longer enjoys this arrangement and can't stand the fact that you do (especially since you weren't thrilled with it in the beginning), but that's her problem and if she wants to change the agreement, she needs to address it.

LitherLily said:

NTA but I have separate bedrooms and we do not “knock” or treat it like a roommate/teenagers bedroom. We are married, the separate bedrooms are for us - it’s more like we both have two beds.

Sounds like your wife set it up when she wanted to create space between you and now regrets the consequences of her own actions. Probably counseling will be most effective. I’d be bitter if my husband wanted a separate closed door room away from me…then complained about too much space. I mean, really.

puchungu said:

NTA but she’s basically saying that she misses you and having separate bedrooms isn’t something she enjoys anymore. If she suggested this because she has difficulties sleeping, it’s not something she was super excited about to begin with, more so it felt like a necessity in order to sleep.

InflationSensation13 said:

NTA but it sounds as though your wife is missing intimacy (different to sex). You enjoying your own space so much is possibly making g her feel rejected. Sit down and have a discussion together.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one...what's your advice for this couple?

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