My wife, Danielle, who is 33 years old, has a job that requires her to go into the office every day. I, at 42, work from my home office. We have two children aged 2 and 4.
We had a nanny named Esme, whom we hired after moving to this city for my wife's job. We don't have any family in this city. Esme had been with us since we moved here six months ago. She was excellent at her job and a pleasant person in general.
However, Danielle got it into her head that Esme was trying to get me away from her and fired her. It was a ridiculous assertion as I love my wife. But she insisted on it and also rejected any other nannies sent by agencies, including a male one, thinking it was "weird" to have a male nanny.
Danielle wants me to watch the kids since I'm at home anyway. I told her that there's no way I can do that as I bring home 65% of our income and cannot watch the kids while working. As a temporary solution, I invited my parents to stay with us so they can help with childcare.
Danielle isn't pleased with this arrangement. She likes my folks but doesn't want them around 100% of the time. However, neither her mom nor dad are available to help.
I explained to her that if she wants my parents to go home, she either needs to find a replacement for our nanny or stay home to watch the kids herself.
She believes I'm devaluing her work and expecting her to watch the kids simply because she's the woman. I disagree; I think she created this situation, and it's her responsibility to deal with it.
Here are some of the top comments from the post:
NTA (Not the A%#hole), this is a problem of her own making, and Danielle has offered no solution here. She fired Esme over her own insecurities, then disagrees with having your parents over for so long and then thinks that working from home means you're basically free to look after the kids as well.
She is devaluing your work by expecting you to watch the kids whilst WFH. Even if you didn't bring in the majority of the household income, her stance is insulting to you.
NTA - OP you know that the Nanny isn’t the issue. There isn’t productive communication prior to large decisions and you “solved” it but she doesn’t like this either. The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here.
Therapy? A vacation? I don’t know but if you don’t start making decisions as a team and she doesn’t figure out what’s making her so insecure that she can’t have a nanny (male or female) then this will only get worse.
Did she cheat? Did you? Is there a reason for this? If not, this is probably a pattern of behavior and you need to get to the root of it together.
Have either of you ever cheated, or were either of you already in a relationship when you got together? This seems daft. Does she have a habit of making up scenarios in her mind?
What do you think? Is it fair for OP to tell his wife to watch the kids, or is OP's wife right to suggest he's devaluing her work by telling her to watch the kids?