Man turns off vacation house security cameras; 'I don't want our elderly father watching us.' AITA?
"AITA for turning off the vacation house security cameras so my elderly father can't watch us?"
Our family has a remote vacation home. (M) Visitors have always gone there to slow down and escape "real life". Though he still drives, my aging father (86) can't get to the house very often anymore.
As a way to still connect with the house, he often enjoys watching the two exterior security cameras on his laptop where he can see deer, listen to birds, and occasionally see the local caretaker swing in to the check on the place.
The issue: These days when we visit the house without him, he insists we keep the cameras on. He claims he never watches us "because he doesn't have the time or interest". But when I say, "then why do you care if I turn off the video when I'm there?", he fumbles, admitting that he "very occasionally" likes to check in to see "how we are spending our time".
It's clear he watches us closely - he slipped once and told me that he didn't like me doing something he could have only seen on the camera. And it doesn't help that the cameras send him alerts when they detect movement.
Any stern discussion about us feeling uncomfortable, how it violates our privacy, or how he never had to contend with his father spying on him always ends with him laying it on thick with some form of "how could you deprive me this one simple joy?
When old age and other considerations keep me away from the house I built and love so much? Can't you just turn the cameras off when I am dead and gone?"
I get it. He can see his grandkids running around. He can see us doing yard work and playing with the dog. And he is the patriarch and we don't want to disappoint him.
But both my sister and I feel like we have to act differently than we would otherwise. Knowing that we are basically in our own personal episode of The Truman Show diminishes the unique nature of our remote familial sanctuary and impedes our ability to relax when we're on vacation.
The last time I was there, despite my father's displeasure, I decided to put my foot down and cut the video feed. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought:
stopthyse writes:
NAH. I was sure I was going to think n t a from the title but outside cameras are really not a big deal.
I wouldn't like to be filmed either so I get your discomfort and not going to call you an asshole.
However loosing freedom/mobility because of health is desperately depressing. So is dying. Are you really really sure you can't ignore your discomfort for him on this occasion? So he can see his grandkids and indulge in nostalgia?
It's not like the Trueman show, you still have privacy on most parts of the property, come on.
sushi7 writes:
NAH. Having somebody watch you through cameras is a crazy violation of privacy. You aren't the asshole for turning them off.
Even if the cabin is his, letting people stay there with the condition that he watched through cameras is creepy and weird. So you still weren't an asshole for turning off the cameras. If he wants to tell you you can't use the cabin, that's fine, but he can't creepily watch.
And yet. Poor old dad. He can no longer make it to the cabin, and he craves that contact with his family. What harm could it do, he is probably thinking, to just watch through the camera see things.
He's wrong, and his brain is likely fading. But I'm not going to call him an asshole for that. If you want to do something nice for him, maybe you could let him know that at 3:00 it's pool time or game time and he can watch for an hour then, or something like that. It's so hard when parents age.
greeem writes:
YTA 'AITA for turning off someones elses cameras, against their explicit instructions, on their private property they gracefully lent me use of?"
glop writes:
YTA....it's not your house...it's his. Unless your name is on the deed and pay the mortgage.