Man wants to attend wedding his BF is excluded from, 'the family is very religious.' AITA?
"AITA if I go to a wedding that my boyfriend isn’t invited to?"
My friends from college (let’s call them Sean and Lilly) are getting married this year, and I just received an invite in the mail. I noticed that the invite only included my name and not my boyfriend’s name (Sean and Lilly have already met my boyfriend and they all follow each other on social media).
I asked one of our mutual friends if he was given a plus one to the wedding. He said that the invite he received had included both him and his girlfriend. I reached out to Sean and asked if I would be able to have a plus one, and he said that although he’d love to have my boyfriend come, his family and Lily’s family is very religious (and thus anti gay).
So they won’t want any drama at their wedding that would stem from having a gay couple at their wedding. I told him no worries and that I understood and will still be attending the wedding alone.
I told my boyfriend about the conversation but he is now upset. He says I shouldn’t attend a wedding that purposefully excluded him just because we’re a gay couple. I told him that it’s not Sean and Lilly’s fault they can’t invite him, and it’s their wedding, so I have to respect their rules.
He said that he’s not asking to be invited because he respects their wishes, but rather, he’s asking me to not attend at all. I understand what he’s saying, but I want to attend my friends’ wedding. I’ve known them since college, and I want to celebrate their day with them. AITAH if I attend this wedding without my boyfriend?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
PieceAlternative said:
YTA if you go. The couple is discriminating because of bigots in their family, which is enabling their bigotry. You gave no pushback about any of this on the phone? What drama specifically are they worried about?
That you're going to get up and start having sex on the wedding party's table? How the hell are you not angry about this? They discriminated against your partner and you just said "oh well, guess that's that!"
I feel bad for your partner in this situation, both because you didn't advocate for them, and that you would choose to enable the bigots related to your friends. To be clear, they chose to exclude your romantic partner only because of your sexuality, didn't exclude any other partners, and insultingly insinuated that just your presence would cause drama. YTA.
Datura_Rose said:
Fellow queer person here and yes, YTA. I personally would never support people who chose to placate homophobes, especially at the expense of my SO. Your friends are also being really sh$tty allies.
Curious-One4595 said:
YTA. It 100% is within Sean and Lilly's power to have him there. Instead, they chose to kowtow to homophobes. When I was put in that position once, it was a no-brainer: "I love you, but if my husband is not invited, I can't attend." It's that simple. Option 2: "I understand your dilemma, but I'm sure you understand that means I can't come either. We'll send a gift."
cthulularoo said:
YTA, your friends aren't inviting your BF because they're bigots. You're supporting that.
strtdrt said:
YTA. Why on earth would you want to attend that? Why would your friends ask that of you? (ESPECIALLY without a heads up they were about to exclude your bf?) Are you just going to pretend to be straight and hope nobody says anything bigoted within your earshot?
master_dman said:
YTA. It would be different if the relationship was brand new, or they had never your partner. You are in a committed relationship of over a year. Others were given plus ones. You should respect and support your partner and not go. Also, at this point, if you tell them you won't attend solo, and they then extend a plus one, that is just as insulting and I still wouldn't go.