Man won't mediate the awful relationship between his wife and parents; 'It's not my problem.' AITA?

When this man is tired of dealing with his wife and parents, he asks the internet:

"AITAH for not trying to mediate the awful relationship between my wife and my parents?"

I am a 26-year-old man married to a 25-year-old Russian woman, and we have a 5-month-old son. Four years ago, I moved to Moscow to be with my wife, who has a small family consisting of her mother and 12-year-old sister. They are not close with other relatives and lost their father five years ago.

My wife's relationship with my parents has always been difficult, especially during her pregnancy due to lack of communication and attention. My parents would sporadically text but lacked depth.

They showed little interest in her pregnancy during video calls, making her feel neglected. Despite this, they send money and care packages with European foods and financial contributions for our apartment.

Cultural and mindset differences between Russia and the West have made it difficult for my parents to adapt, insisting that I remain true to my European roots.

However, they struggle to articulate what specific values they are referring to, simply stating that Europeans and Russians think and act differently. I remind them that I am currently in Russia and must adjust accordingly to fit in at work and in daily life.

After our son's birth, my parents wanted to visit us in Moscow, but my wife felt she wasn't quite ready because she was exhausted, nursing (we decided to breastfeed instead of using formula), and she would rather have my parents over when she was more recovered and used to having a baby around at home.

Despite her hesitation, my parents eventually visited when our son was around 2 months old. There was some reluctance on my wife's part, though. I suppose my parents had great hopes because they had to pay a large sum of money to get to Russia.

My parents were invited to my wife's mother's home. A huge variety of dishes were prepared to welcome them. While my wife mostly held our child during the meal, my parents felt left out and upset as they were not offered the opportunity to bond with their grandchild. Despite this, they did not take the initiative to ask to hold him themselves.

A few days later, my wife took our son to get vaccinated. When she returned, she was instructed not to receive visitors for 1 day or take our child outside for a walk. This meant my parents couldn't visit, which angered them.

They accused my wife of preventing them from seeing their grandchild, leading to a rift between them. I couldn't mediate as both parties were livid. Upon asking my Russian friends and colleagues, I learned that it's common in Russia to avoid visitors for 1 day after a child's vaccination due to the increased risk of getting infected easily, especially in a huge city like Moscow.

To this day, my wife and parents still cannot communicate properly. My parents send weekly texts to my wife asking about our son, but she responds slowly and never texts them first. My wife would occasionally, in the middle of an argument or disagreement between us, make a contemptuous reference to my parents and our "European values."

lovebiendad writes:

YTA. It is your job to run interference with your family for your wife. You tell your parents “I decided on the pediatrician advice not to allow you to visit.” You don’t let your wife take the brunt of their anger. Make sure your parents know, in no uncertain terms, that you have your wife’s back and you are just as responsible as a parent for deciding things as she is.

itaa7 writes:

Your wife has a HUGE husband problem and YTA. Your parents are being irrational here. They were invited, they chose not to hold a 2 month old (which is solely the parents'/mother's choice BTW) and they went into hysterics over a common Russian tradition to keep their grandson safe from health problems.

Of course it is your job to keep your parents at bay. They need to be explained to, once again and however many times it takes, that things aren't always going to go their way, they actually have to speak up if they want to hold the baby...

they actually have to obey the wishes of the mother if and when she says no to anything they ask, and they absolutely have to follow the traditions of the country they are visiting.

fandom7 writes:

I completely agree with this!! OP is YTA for the exact reason you stated.