My mom is married to a man named John. I am a 20-year-old male, and John has a daughter named Brit, who is 18 years old. My mom married John when I was 7.
She had been divorced from my dad since I was a baby, and my dad actually died a few weeks before my mom's wedding. Brit lived with her mom in another state until after the wedding, and then John got sole custody of her when she was 7.
Brit was difficult to live with. She was dealing with a lot of issues and took it out on others. She mocked and insulted my disabled grandma and once took her prosthetic leg and left it in the mud. She wrote all over a photo I had of my dad in my room.
She taunted me, saying that everyone was glad he was dead. She messed with my homework a lot. It got so bad that my teachers were aware of the situation and allowed me to do it at the end of the school day to keep it safe.
When Brit was 14, my mom's best friend passed away. While the rest of us were at the funeral, she destroyed the friendship bracelet my mom had with her best friend. She also tried to get me into trouble over the years by telling her grandparents that I bullied her.
Brit ended up going to live with her mom when she was 15. My relationship with my mom became strained because she wanted me to leave the door ajar for Brit, and I said no. Additionally, I felt like my mom made me deal with too much.
A year ago, my mom and John received an apology from Brit, and they reestablished contact with her. My mom didn't tell me at the time because I had made it clear that I did not care about Brit or want to hear updates about her. Last month, Brit moved in with my mom and John because she's pregnant, and her mom had issues with Brit's baby's father.
After Brit moved in with them, my mom tried to convince me to let Brit apologize and be a part of her life so Brit's child could have an uncle. I said no. My mom said that at least we should come to an understanding because what if Brit and her child need me in the future? What if she moves out in a couple of years, falls on hard times, and needs a place to stay, and she and John are not there?
I told her I would not take her in, even if she was homeless with her kid. I said Brit does not have my loyalty or my kindness. Brit is someone I do not want in my life. My mom said how awful I was and went off on a tangent about Brit being homeless. I told her she better make sure Brit always has a place to stay with her, then, so she'll never have to worry about being homeless.
My mom said that was a given and how dare I imply otherwise. But that I should not be such a coldhearted monster about a member of the family. I told her Brit is not my family, and as far as I'm concerned, she can couch surf for the rest of her life, and I wouldn't lift a finger to help her.
It's her job since she clung so desperately to her at my expense as a kid. My mom said she raised me better. Her anger and bringing this up has not ended, and she is convinced I'm an awful person for my stance. Am I the a%#hole (AITA)?"
Here are some of the top comments:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). This is the consequence of Brit’s sustained behaviour (enabled by her dad and your mom). You are entitled to set boundaries to protect yourself and your mom should respect that, even if she doesn’t like it.
Your mom and her husband are AHs for not having managed Brit’s behaviour when she was a child, and now expecting you to prioritise Brit over your own emotional safety. At no point (from what you say) have Brit, your mom or your stepfather apologised to you for the sustained bullying you had to endure. You do not owe her anything.
NTA. Frankly your mom is a bigger AH than Brit. She allowed your to go through this trauma. Brit needed mental health and an intervention.
Your mother prioritized her marriage over your mental health and safety then had the nerve to minimize your trauma and vilify you for having boundaries. You deserve better. Good for your for standing your ground.
NTA. Given how Brit treated you, it's normal to not like her. You are not obligated to look after someone who treated you badly.
NTA. You have no obligation to help Brit and by her actions you don't have the relationship where you'd be willing to be a brother figure to her or an uncle to her child. Her motives come across more as you being a resource rather than a respected family member. Your mother is hoping against hope you can still be a blended family, but she's not the one who can make that happen and she can't force you.
What do you think? Was OP right to stand his ground on this matter?