'AITA for manipulating my ex by reminding him the woman he cheated with is pregnant?'

"AITA for “manipulating” my ex by reminding him the woman he cheated with (and says he hates) is pregnant with his child?"

I (29F) recently broke up with my ex (30M) after finding out he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. When I confronted him, he admitted it and we ended the relationship. Shortly after the breakup, I found out the ex he cheated with is pregnant. He already knew about the pregnancy before reaching out to me again.

A few days ago, he contacted me begging for another chance and saying he wants to fix things between us. I tried to respond calmly instead of blowing up and said something like:

“Listen, I don’t know what a year from now looks like. I still care about you and I know I still love you, but I also need to protect myself. And you need to figure out what’s going on with… all of this.”

By “all of this,” I meant the cheating and the pregnancy.

He got frustrated and said, “WELL I HATE HER.”

I responded, “You still slept with her. And now she’s pregnant.”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because he immediately accused me of being manipulative and said I was trying to make him feel guilty.

For context, I wasn’t yelling or insulting him. I was actually trying to stay calm because I realize the situation is complicated now that a child is involved. All I did was point out the reality of the situation he created. Apparently acknowledging the existence of his pregnant affair partner counts as emotional manipulation. So, AITA?

****Clarifications****

This was all in person. We work together (same place different departments) I rarely see him at work…he saw me walking to my car and stopped me before I could avoid the conversation. I don’t talk to him anymore unless I ABSOLUTELY have to for work.

The ex-girlfriend KNEW about him and I being together. She harassed me the whole time him and I were dating…when all was said and done…she sent me a message through someone else’s Facebook saying “I won” and I replied with “have him.”

Which he responded with “I don’t want her back.” I feel bad for the baby. I genuinely hope the best for the baby…but I don’t feel bad for either of those two and their actions.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Beth21286 wrote:

He should be feeling frickin guilty! Tell the AP what he said so she doesn't take the scumbag back either.

OP responded:

Oh she still wants him back 😂 He showed me texts between the 2 of them about her begging for him to come back and him saying “no I hate you.”

Commercial_world_834 wrote:

Why are you still giving this person your time? Even that message you sent leaves the door open for him to come back. Grow a spine and block him.

OP responded:

It was all in person, we work together (same place different departments so I rarely see him at work) and he saw me walking to my car and stopped me before I could even avoid the conversation. I dont talk to him outside of work (when I absolutely have to).

ChocolatePeach47 wrote:

You’re NTA! Personally, you can love him from a distance and move on. It’s diabolical he cheated on you with an Ex he claims he hates and he got her pregnant. Leave him to her to deal with. If anything he’s doesn’t want to take accountability. That’s a him problem not a you problem. CHIIILE tell him boy bye ✌🏾

Top-Ad-6430 wrote:

He’s delulu to think declaring he hates her erases the fact that he cheated on you and was the cause of the demise of your relationship. Pointing out facts isn’t manipulation. Only a person who can’t accept responsibility for his actions would call it that and attempt to hang his problems on you.

And he might hate her but he fucked up and got her pregnant. At minimum, he’s going to be paying support for the next 18 years (provided the kid is his). And if he refuses to even acknowledge his kid, the court will force his hand to at least financially acknowledge it and that’s not going to bode well for him in future relationships. He made his bed. He can face all the consequences. NTA.

Gur-Beginning wrote:

NTA at all. I mean “you slept with her and now she’s pregnant” are literally just facts. You can’t be manipulating someone just by stating facts 😂 he’s trying to make you feel bad enough that you’d take him back, I’m guessing. Or he does feel guilty about it and doesn’t like being reminded of what he’s done. Perhaps it’s good he’s upset with you so he’d leave you the hell alone lmao.

Only_Music_2640 wrote:

Manipulate yourself right out of that relationship and block him everywhere. He is having a baby with someone else. There is nothing manipulative about pointing that out.

Happyweekend69 wrote:

Making him feel guilty? He is guilty, he cheated, impregnated another woman and clearly trying to rope you in either because he rather be with you before he runs back to her or because he wanna act like the kid doesn’t exist.

Either way, he’s the ah. Do not do it, do not become pregnant. I am the middle child of two affair siblings, take it from some who lived this scenario of daddy hating affair partner but the other won’t take him back (aka my mom ) it never ends well

Fit_Squirrel_4604 wrote:

He's manipulating you and trying to make you feel guilty to take accountability away from himself. Don't fall for his crap. He made his bed, now he can lay in it with the person he supposedly hates for at least the next 18 years. NTA. Please do not take him back.

PomegranatZanzibar wrote:

He is guilty. If he’s bothered about hearing it he has work to do. The he hates her bit is weird too. The vehemence sounds like he’s blaming her for what he did. If he can’t talk calmly about what he did, what’s happening, and how he plans to be a father, he’s not ready for a relationship with anyone, he’s just flailing.

Clover_Field83 wrote:

NTA.

There's a difference between being manipulative and reminding people of the reasons they have to feel appropriately guilty.