Man's 'clingy' wife takes the vow to 'forsake all others' quite literally. AITA?
"AITA for telling my wife just because we’re married does not mean I’m going to forsake all others?"
My wife and I got married a couple of years ago, and so far things have been going smooth. However, my wife seems to have taken the vow “to forsake all others” quite literally.
I can’t deny that my wife loves me, she loves me a lot and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. However, ever since we married, she has become quite clingy and emotionally over dependent on me. She has even sort of neglected her family, and they aren’t on the best of the terms with her.
She says her priority is only me, and she will always put me first and she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. She says she made the vow to forsake all others and she plans to uphold it.
Now of course I do appreciate that, but I think there are better ways to healthily navigate a relationship. But my wife wants me to become more like her where I too only focus on her and no one else.
For example, the other day, my wife got sad when I was on a call with my sister and didn’t immediately hang up because she needed something. There have been a lot more examples like this.
Last night, my wife and I were talking about priorities and I told my wife of course she would always be number one priority, and that would never change. I told her my sister is a close second, and my father a distant third (I am low contact with him).
I told my wife when we have kids, they will be number one priority alongside her. But I told her I wasn’t going to forsake all others just because we married, and it wasn’t healthy.
My wife seemed really sad with this answer and even cried and I had to console her. Was I the AH for what I told my wife? I feel really bad about it for making my wife feel this way, I thought what I said was normal for all relationships.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Scary-Welder8404 said:
NTA. Your worldview appears healthy, your wife's is not. Unsolicited advice: your wife badly needs a social circle outside of you. Hobby, job(or a different one if she's working), something. Nobody can be anybodies everything. That's teenage infatuation, not how love works.
ComprehensivePut5569 said:
NTA - Your wife may need therapy otherwise this could devolve into an incredibly unhealthy dynamic for both of you.
frolicndetour said:
NTA. Your wife is codependent to an unhealthy level. I'm getting claustrophobic just reading about her.
RetiredHappyFig said:
NTA. Forsaking all others means you won’t have another romantic relationship. All other relationships in your life can and should remain. At my own wedding many years ago, the minister told the guests that as our “community," they would continue to be an important part of our support system and family, as we would be toward them.
Lady_Fel001 said:
NTA. I always thought "forsaking all others" referred to other romantic/sexual attachments, not the whole damn world. Either way, while your marriage should be your priority, what you're describing isn't healthy and your wife definitely has issues she needs help working through. Good luck.
Ok_Fan_6414 said:
NTA, you’re completely right you cannot have a marriage depending on each other too much, you both need a life otherwise your marriage would fail. If you’re around each other 24/7 there’s nothing to miss about each other the same routine gets mildly boring and arguments occur.
Late-Hat-9144 said:
NTA, your wife has an incredibly unhealthy codependency... "forsaking all others" just means don't cheat, it doesn't mean turn your spouse into yiur emotional deport animal and ignore all other intrapersonal relationships. She really needs to get therapy if this is what she thinks a healthy marriage is.