Man's joke about wife's 'hobby' job bombs in front of his boss, 'I grew up significantly wealthier.' AITA?

"AITA for not laughing when my husband joked about my ‘hobby’ job in front of his boss?"

My husband was invited to this work dinner at his boss's house and his whole office was invited. My husband has a higher paying job than mine and it doesn't really bother me because I love what I do but he does lack interest in my work because of it. The first iffy thing was when we were getting ready, he gave me a "check" or something like that where he gave me the run down of dinner etiquette.

I know dinner etiquette, my parents used to host this kind of dinners all the time, so yeah, I know how to act and how to behave. All his co-workers were going to the dinner and they brought their wives with them so it was pretty packed. Dinner was nice until we were in the dessert portions my husband's coworkers started talking about their wives and their hobbies.

My husband brought up my "hobby," I'm a journalist, and I write stuff once in a while. He talked about some of the stuff I've written, describing it as "silly." I didn't say anything and smiled awkwardly but he just kept going, saying he doesn't read my stuff because he "doesn't want to be all up in my head."

When we got home I talked to him about the jokes and said I didn't find them funny, but rather somewhat offensive and disrespectful towards my work. He told me to learn how to take a joke. I tried to ignore it so I just kept doing my thing, but then he started getting handsy and I rejected his advances because I was still sour about dinner and he got upset, so we went on and on about the dinner thing.

I wasn't even addressing him making fun of me, I was generally upset over the hobby thing, because it's not a hobby, it's my line of work which I love and am very passionate about. He admitted to maybe being in the wrong for the jokes but that they were "based on fact."

I grew up significantly wealthier than him, I do not leech off of my parents, nor do they send me money out of free will. My parents have never said or done anything to make him feel inferior and they get along very well. We met when I was of going through some sort of hippie phase.

I wasn't talking to my parents and I did not get along well with them at the time. I was some manic pixie dream girl at the time and I think he got wayyy to attached to that version of me (I was 25, I'm 32.) . He called me dull and compared me to my mom which isn't bad in it of its self but he said it as an insult and said I was becoming a suburban mom (we have a son, he's two).

I feel like he doesn't really appreciate me as a person or care about me as much as a husband should for his wife. I get what he's saying, but I'm getting older, I'm a mom and I'm advancing in my career and have a lot on my plate apart from that.

I do love my husband. I married and started a family with him for a reason but maybe I took the joke too seriously? I'm not sure if I blew it too out of proportion because I asked friends and they said that maybe I took too seriously etc etc AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

truly-diy20 said:

When he met you you were some "hippie girl with no future" so he was better than you and that made you perfect for him.. then he knew your parents are rich and you will probably inherit some of that, you have a job that you love, pays good and could be seen as a "smart people" job...

So now in his mind you're actually better than him so he needs to put you down so he can keep feeling superior. NTA but he is a huge one.

Pomksy said:

It’s only a joke if you’re laughing. You started life with this man who has been hiding his true feelings from you. Where do you expect it to go from here? You heard what he really thinks about his wife and mother of his child - what are you going to do about it?

giantbrownguy said:

NTA. I think your husband is upset that you aren’t the same person he married and is taking it out on you instead of addressing his issues. You have don’t nothing wrong other than grow and mature.

His behavior is concerning and unfair to you. You honestly need to push him into counseling so you can work through this otherwise your son is going to grow up with your husband talking shit about you and thinking it’s okay.

Major_Friendship4900 said:

NTA, he was incredibly rude. I’m wondering if he feels insecure because your family has more wealth and so he and wants to drag you down with him.

SmellMajestic7355 said:

Omg NTA. When you say journalist, do you mean you post lists on buzzfeed for free or something? Because that is a hobby. It appears someone pays you to write words. It doesn't matter if you're writing for the New York Times or freelancing food articles for a small community paper.

That's just so insulting. Your husband does not respect you as a human. And he is insecure. Seems you two have some work to do on aligning your views on life before you end up in a resentful situation. Good luck.

TastefulTeabag said:

NTA. He somehow felt it necessary to put you and your career down in front of his boss. Maybe he thinks it will make him look important? You’re right to feel like he doesn’t appreciate you - he said as much at dinner. How is the rest of your marriage? Do you feel unappreciated in other ways?

Forsaken-Form7221 said:

NTA. He was trying to big himself up by putting you down. And he doesn’t seem to value you much as a person. Does he often dismiss your feelings?

lordmwahaha said:

NTA. He literally degraded you in front of his boss. That’s not a joke. Ask him what the punchline is. I’m dead serious. Since he thinks it’s a joke, ask him what makes it a joke. What is funny about it to him? Watch as he struggles to justify it.