Man's wedding is put on hold after he insists on a prenup, 'it's not that I don't trust you.' AITA?
"AITA for insisting on a prenuptial agreement, causing doubts and putting our wedding on hold?"
I'm (M28) stuck in a tough spot and really need some outside perspective. My fiancee (F26) and I have been planning our wedding for over a year, aiming for a beautiful fall ceremony. We both have good jobs, but I come from a family that owns a successful business, which I'm a part of. I never thought this was a big deal until we started talking about marriage more seriously.
One evening, while discussing wedding plans, I brought up the idea of a prenuptial agreement. I thought it was a practical thing to do, considering the business and just as a general safety measure for both of us. I said, "I think it's smart if we consider a prenup. It's not that I don't trust you, but it's about protecting both of our futures, no matter what happens."
She looked at me like I'd grown two heads. "Are you saying you expect us to fail?" she asked, clearly hurt.
"No, of course not,"I tried to explain. "It's just a precaution, like insurance. You hope you never need it, but it's there just in case."
The conversation went downhill from there. She said, " So, your money is more important than us? Is that it?""
I was taken aback. "It's not like that. It's about being smart and prepared."
She didn't take it well. The next day, her family got involved. Her parents called me, saying they were disappointed I'd even suggest such a thing, implying it was a sign of distrust. They think I'm insulting their daughter by implying she might be after my money. Since then, my fiancee has been distant, and recently, she told me she's not sure she wants to go through with the marriage at all.
Her exact words were, "If you can't trust me without a piece of paper dictating what happens if we split, maybe we shouldn't get married." Now, everything's on hold, her family is upset with me, and I'm left wondering if I was wrong for wanting to protect myself and the family business. AITAH for insisting on a prenuptial agreement, causing doubts and essentially pausing our wedding plans?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
CrackAbuser420 said:
NTA. You suggested a prenup for exactly what it’s meant to do, protect you both as a precaution. it’s not just for you. she also would retain her assets and money in the event you guys split up later on. Hearing her family get so upset you even suggested a prenup and instantly going the “you don’t trust her” route would raise some red flags for me.
Sebscreen said:
NTA. The same people who will get on your case about this are the exact ones who would advocate for her to keep a hidden stash of cash and essentials 'just in case' you are an abusive monster. Both the prenup and emergency stash are fine (you should keep one too, in fact), for the exact reason you stated: as a precaution.
stevegannonhandmade said:
NTA for thinking a prenup is a good idea. YTA for waiting so long into your relationship and OVER A YEAR INTO YOUR WEDDING PLANNING!!??? You should have talked about this when you first thought you were going to propose... Waiting this deep into wedding plans makes you TA!
DivineInsanity0910 said:
NTA - you gave her a valid and very practical response. Stand your ground! This is to protect both your futures and that of your family as well.
SatelliteBeach123 said:
NTA. You have a family business to protect. It's not just about you. Trust really has nothing to do with it. You trust her NOW but in the event the marriage goes south, you have no of knowing if she'll go scorched earth and try to take part of your family business. The prenup can protect her as well.
Physical_Front6662 daid
NTA. You marry someone you love and trust. For that wonderful partner, a prenup is unnecessary. But if your marriage fails for any reason, you will be facing a completely different person. Your spouse may then become your biggest enemy, ready to destroy you financially, take away your children, and ruin your life in other ways. He or she will NOT be the same person you loved and proposed to. These days every single marriage should begin with a prenup. Do not back down!