'AITA for marrying a man who proposed to me while I was on the toilet?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for marrying a man who proposed to me while I was on the toilet?"
It's not as bad as it sounds, my friends are just obsessed with that part. I think ? Fake names. My (32f) fiance Peter (30m) had arranged a candle light dinner in a hotel room. There were flowers, rose peddles, and music. There was my favorite dinner and my favorite dessert. Peter was in a tuxedo. I was wearing a dress. That evening was so amazing.
While I was eating my IBS started acting up. I ran to the bathroom. It was mortifying but at least I was comfortable enough with Peter to allow him to come in. I was apologizing for ruining our evening while I was on the toilet, and he said it's okay. I felt like he wanted to ask me to marry him the whole evening.
I told him I love him, and he said I love you too. I told him, I'm sure you'll take care of me in sickness and in health. That comment made Peter smile and he got down on one knee. I didn't care that this was the situation, I was so happy to say yes. I felt like he wouldn't have asked that evening if I didn't say the in sickness and in health comment.
I told my best friend Kate (33f) and another friend Bailey (33f). I told them the truth. Kate said it's weird, creepy, and an ahole move on his part. I explained that he likely would have put it off if I didn't mean the health comment. Kate said I was desperate, and that I should have some respect for myself.
Bailey said, if I thought Peter would ask another time, then I should have let him ask another time. Before talking to them, I thought I has the sweetest proposal story. Now I feel like an ahole who caused my amazing fiance to have a terrible story. Am I the ahole?
UPDATE AND FURTHER CONTEXT:
The proposal happened on Saturday, and I had been holding off telling my parents and Peter's parents. Both sets of parents live in a different state. Tonight, we told my parents first via video chat. My parents are Bob (58m) and Susan (58f).
My mom is a massive fan of romance, and I knew she would ask about the proposal. Peter and I told my parents the whole proposal story. My mom was over the moon. She said proposing like that is better than any idea she had. My dad said it just proves the love Peter has for me. My mom asked if she can tell others, and I said sure.
I had asked my mom to be my maid-of-honor. After getting engaged, my pick for maid-of-honor was either going to be Kate or my mom. I didn't pick my mom to spite Kate. I'm not punishing Kate. Kate's initial reaction to the proposal story would just make her being the maid-of-honor awkward. Plus my mom is so happy with our union, and she would love to plan a wedding.
Then we told Peter's parents via video chat. His parents are Chuck (55m) and Linda (59f). His parents really appreciated the comedy. Chuck thanked us for giving them the gift of telling that amazing story, if we're comfortable with that. I told him we're confused. Linda said she's so happy for us.
Peter told his father that he wants him to be the bestman. Lastly, we told Peter's sister Juliana (27f) via video chat as she lives in another state. She had her father's sense of humor. I hope Kate and Bailey will be braidsmaids. Yes, Kate and Bailey are single. I have been bestfriends with Kate since the 9th grade, so this little disagreement wouldn't ruin our friendship.
FURTHER UPDATE:
Kate and Bailey both agreed to be bridesmaids when I asked via message. Kate apologized via message, and she also sent me a video of her apologizing. Kate said she appreciates that I'm still letting her be a key part of the wedding.
She said that after several days of thinking about the proposal, she realizes how loving it was. She said if she had IBS, she would appreciate a guy who treats her like how Peter treats me. Bailey apologized via message. Her apology was brief, and she admitted in it that Kate told her to apologize.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
No_Coach_9914 said:
THIS IS THE CUTEST STORY. Your friends are actually just jealous because they don't have someone who loves them and will put up with their sh$%...He's an absolute keeper OP! Congratulations on your engagement! NTA.
Thickbelaa said:
NTA. You're not the ahole! Your proposal was unique and meaningful to both of you, even if it happened in an awkward situation. It sounds like a genuine moment of love, and your friends' opinions shouldn’t diminish that. Focus on your happiness with Peter and cherish the special memory you created together!
everlasting1der said:
NTA. You saw it coming and intentionally prompted him. He took the opening. Would it have been a bit weird if you hadn't made the comment? Yeah, but in that case, like you said, he'd probably have waited for a more opportune time.
Ultimately I think the question is this: did the proposal make you feel bad, and do you think it reflects poorly on him as a partner? Based on your post I think I can guess your answer, but I want to reinforce that that's the thing that matters here.
naturalcurvyrae said:
NTA. You're not the ahole! Peter's proposal was heartfelt, and the moment was special to you both, despite the unusual setting. Your friends may not understand, but what matters is your happiness and love for each other. Embrace your unique proposal story—don’t let others’ opinions diminish it!
girlyborb said:
NTA. I think that is the cutest proposal. He cares so much and wants to be your husband so much that he proposed while you were taking a dump. That's real love there. He will be there for you no matter what.
Kate and Bailey need to grow up. Romance novel proposals are sweet and all, but in the real world you need someone who accepts all of you, not just the pretty parts of your life. It sounds like Peter is all in for your relationship and won't let anything stand in the way. That's true romance.
Know_1_7777777 said:
This is a pretty awesome and unique way to get proposed to to me. The fact that he didn't care that you were on the toilet and you didn't care that he saw you like that is a pretty good sign that you two are in fact made for one another and he made the right call in proposing. Don't let people ruin what was a pretty funny and genuine way to get engaged. NTA obviously.