Matron of honor refuses to pay for bridal shower, gets kicked out of party; AITA?
Being in a bridal party can be an expensive journey between rose gold banners, extravagant bachelorette parties, and a registry full of household items you're not sure your famously bad cook of a friend will ever use...
So, when a conflicted matron of honor decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her friend's bridal shower, people were ready to help deem a verdict.
AITA for telling my friend that I can’t pay for her bridal shower as her matron of honor?
My friend is getting married and asked me to be the matron of honor. She has a maid of honor as well. A few weeks ago, she mentioned wanting a bridal shower.
I looked into options and found a good one - $500 for an afternoon tea style shower that included the space, food/drinks and desserts.
Bride and maid of honor said they liked the idea, so I inquired with the venue. The plan was for me and the maid of honor to split the cost.
Today I received a text from MOH saying that her and the bride actually planned the shower between the two of them, and that bride has now decided she would like her shower to be at a different venue that she (bride) has found and selected, and that she (bride) is requesting we pay for it.
MOH then let me know that the venue is $800, not including food, drinks, decor, or anything else, and that we need to find and pay for those things too.
Being in the wedding industry, I know how much vendors cost, and $800 + hundreds in other expenses is not financially feasible for me right now. I mentioned that traditionally showers are thrown by the mother of the bride, so maybe bride’s mom can join the planning and contribute to the cost.
MOH then said that the bride does not want her mom to pay for it, as mom is already paying for a lot of the wedding.
I replied to MOH saying that although it’s more than I had anticipated spending, I was happy to pay for a portion of the venue, but that I need to know her plans for food, drinks, and rentals since they had planned this without my input or opinion, and that I don’t think I will be able to contribute more than what the venue costs.
I’m assuming maid of honor then told the bride what I said, because I receive a text from the bride a few minutes later saying that I need to “stop the drama,' “stop being selfish and realize this wedding is about her and not me,' and my favorite part...
that she “finds it unfair that after seeing the things I buy for myself on social media,' that it’s weird that I don’t want to spend money on her wedding. That she “never asks anything of me” so it’s “outrageous” that I don’t want to do this for her.
To be clear, I don’t know what she’s talking about with social media. I don’t post things I buy. I HAVE spent money on her wedding, and agreed to spend even more.
All I said was that I couldn’t go much farther than the cost of the venue (that I had no part in selecting) and would like to know how much more I’m expected to invest in this.
I know when you agree to be a bridal party member, there are financial commitments, and I have happily paid for part of bride’s bachelorette, an engagement gift, my bridesmaid gown, hair/makeup for the wedding day, and booked my travel for her out of town wedding.
That’s expected. But this bridal shower thing seems out of line to me.
Conversation ended with bride telling me not to speak to her. Don’t know if she means for now or forever and that I should assume I’m kicked out. Either way, super curious if I’m the a#hole.
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this one...
HeartpineFloors said:
NTA and agreeing to be someone’s MOH doesn’t mean they have carte blanche to spend as much of your money as they like. I’ve been in several weddings and the bride didn’t expect me to spend thousands of dollars on her!
But seems like this is becoming so common that it’s a good idea to reply to a MOH invitation with: “I am touched and honored. But I need to know how much of my finances I will be committing. I don’t want to let you down.” The bride-to-be’s reaction to that will tell you whether to start running.
SnooBooks007 said:
I'd go further and sue her for the costs you've already incurred on your dress, etc. NTA (but I think you knew that).
VallisGratia said:
NTA After such response I'd simply step down from the role. Step out of the wedding. Probably out of that 'friendship' too. What really got me was the whole 'you post stuff on SM you got money it belongs to me now.'
My first thought was that OP has posted once, twice something over the years and bride-to-be has been jealous.
ImStealingTheTowels said:
NTA. Your 'friend' is a being a total bridezilla. Bridal parties exist to support the bride and look nice in photos - that's it.
Instead there seems to be this ridiculous expectation by some people that their bridesmaids fall over themselves to 'earn' a place in their wedding and spend a ridiculous amount of money in return for the privilege.
It's utterly ridiculous, entitled behaviour and makes me glad that the people I've been a bridesmaid for as an adult aren't like your 'friend.'
It seems like the rubbish took itself out here. I would consider it a blessing that you're not going to be used as a cash machine by this person anymore and go with never speaking to her again. She is no friend to you.
sasha_nextdoor said:
Definitely NTA. You agreed to it all BEFORE they came to you with this new proposal. They're the ones changing the agreement