"AITA? I may have ruined Thanksgiving with Jackbox."
For context, ever since I was 8 years old my older brother, ___________, would go out of his way to call me gay. These "jokes" were constant and I'd ask him to stop but his insults persisted until this very day, where I'm now 26 years old. I've asked him many times throughout my life to stop, and I'd only be met with an answer like "Why bro? Is it cause you're secretly gay?"
My brother, along with a few of my siblings, and myself all came to visit my parents today for Thanksgiving. I brought my amazing girlfriend over and this was her first time meeting my older brother. The first thing he does is pat me on the back and say "I'm proud of you, bro. You've finally proved to me you're not gay."
I booted up the ol' Nintendo Switch and our family played Jackbox, specifically Quiplash 2. Everyone was throwing in dicey jokes, but a lot of my brother's jokes were targeted at me being gay or overall contained gay themes.
We played a round of Tee K.O. where he of course drew a guy sucking dick and wrote my name next to it. I asked him if he's just repressing his s*xuality, and to no surprise he didn't even know what the word repress meant. So I incorporated his repressed sexuality into my Quiplash answers, and every single time all he'd say is "It's okay bro, we all know you're really gay."
Later that night we played one last game of Quiplash 2, and I got the question "What would the worst drill sergeant constantly shout?" My brother is a staff sergeant in the military, so I put a dumb answer saying "Hi, my name is ___________."
Once that answer came up, the family went silent, and he stated how he was getting ready for bed. My mom asked if that made him upset and he told me and my other brother that we can't take a joke and have to lash out at him.
Long story short we had a classic "family meeting" where I threw in my two cents that I don't like being around my brother because all he does is belittle me. The conclusion my brother came to is that we just won't ever be at the same family gatherings again because we don't get along.
Not to mention we are never in contact outside of these family gatherings. No phone calls, no visits, nothing; that goes both ways and probably for good reason. He then said that he was leaving tomorrow morning (and I honestly don't think we'll be seeing each other again.)
I acknowledge I shouldn't have said that thing over Jackbox, but it was nice to lay everything out on the table and make my peace. He truly has a toxic nature that I don't care to associate myself with.
AITA? Did I ruin Thanksgiving with Jackbox?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Chaos-Pand4 wrote:
So, there’s this old saying I grew up with, that runs something like: “don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”
Is that one still kicking around? Because mom used to throw it at us a lot when our picking on one another got turned around on us. NTA.
OP responded:
I still use that saying! It's a classic!
oldmanstui wrote:
NTA. He uses "gay" as an insult towards you for years, then throws his dummy out of the pram when one gets aimed at him. You mentioned you took your gf - what did she say or do when he was still constantly calling you gay? What did she say about the whole situation?
OP responded:
My girlfriend was really uncomfortable and she was already aware I didn't have a good relationship with him. She says that he's probably in the closet and also jealous. At the end of it all she was glad that I stood up for myself.
UnhappyRaven wrote:
You’ve probably tried every approach with him, but just in case, have you ever said “So what if I were? There’s nothing wrong with being gay.” He is a bully, and your drill sergeant quip was spot on. He’s obviously the one who “can’t take a joke”, nor can he make them if his only theme is “you’re gay."
HildyJohnsonstreet responded:
“So what if I were? There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”
This is what I can get over at no point did the older brother think, "huh, maybe he really is and I am not helping or supporting him if he wants to come out."
It doesn't matter that OP is straight, the lack of basic empathy is ridiculous. The older brother seems like he peaked in high-school, and I bet he made the "gay joke" infront of friends, got a huge laugh and some "good one, man" from the crowd, and thought his was the funniest thing in that ever stepped into shoe leather.
SyndicateSystem wrote:
NTA. Your brother can't respect a boundary that you set, such as "please don't call me gay." And, yes, while what you said may have been a bit harsh, how was it any different than what he was doing the entire time?
How is it that no one in your family got quiet or uncomfortable for your sake every single time he made a pointed "joke" toward you? This is him straight bullying you, OP. He can dish it out and can't take it himself, and that's the problem. I don't think it's an issue that you may not see each other again at gatherings from now on.
Appeltart232 wrote:
Your parents are TAs for not nipping it in the bud and allowing your brother to constantly harass you. He grew up to be a bully - who apparently also has a thin skin. It’s too bad but I guess take a step back and avoid your brother - I don’t think he’d ever grow up to be a normally behaved adult
flumpf wrote:
NTA. He can dish it but can’t take it. His “jokes” were never funny and the fact it seems to be the only thing he focuses on around you through 16 years tells me that he most likely is projecting and is hiding in the closet behind these “jokes”.
Protect your peace.