'I am meeting my ex best friend after 10 years of no contact, tomorrow.' MAJOR UPDATE

"I am meeting my ex best friend after 10 years of no contact, tomorrow."

Something really interesting is happening to me (29F). So, when I was 6 years old and I started school, I met a friend named Linda (29F) we were both with no sisters just brothers and we bonded, we lived in a small village so of course our families knew each other and because of us they also grew closer.

So me and Linda were inseparable, we went through high school together (same class), also on the beginning of our studies on the same group. We had other best friends along the way that we made in high school which I still talk to (two of them) and we were a really fun group. But only me and Linda were together in the same university during studies.

This happened until Linda knows someone that she falls in love. He lived abroad and they immediately introduced one another to each other’s families. So, eventually he started pulling Linda away from us, controlling her via GPS, controlling who should she hang out with, when, etc.

At first, I really liked him because he was the love of my best friend and whenever they had a fight I would try to bring the peace, so he respected me. But, when I saw how controlling he was, I told Linda that I don’t think she should be in that position, I also called him out when he was controlling her and ab#$ing her verbally.

When I called him out, he obligated Linda to never hang out with me again (specifically) and slowly divided her from the whole group. We lived in the same village but I never saw her again, she even stopped studies. Her parents invited me to her wedding and I didn’t want to go, but my parents said we should go for the sake of the family friendship (they invited my parents too).

I saw Linda for the first time after almost a year and a half in a wedding dress, and when we locked eyes we both were emotional and I noticed her eyes full of tears. Her mum and grandmother (who loved me like their own) when they came to greet me, both of them bursted into tears, and that was the last day I saw Linda until she went to live abroad.

For almost 10 years I only saw her twice just in the blink of an eye, and that’s it. I can’t say I didn’t think of her sometimes, in the beginning I thought of her more often but as the years passed by, I thought of her time by time, about her well-being, about her life with that man.

I heard some rumors that she is struggling in marriage but never something specific, that’s until couple months ago when I met her father with her son in our town’s coffee shop. I greeted him.. when I looked at Linda’s son, I asked “is this…” and froze, and her father said “yes, he is." I asked the little boy if I could hug him, and he said yes, I hugged him, kissed him on the cheek and he hugged me back 🥹.

Linda’s father referred to me as “this is your mom’s friend” and that was it about that day. After some days I heard that she got divorced, she was physically abused, her husband cheated on her, had an affair with her boss (there were rumors they even share a kid together) and that was the last straw for her and decided to end the marriage.

The rumors got confirmed by Linda’s mum to my mum at a funeral they met in town. I never could ask about her because I didn’t want to sound like I am happy about her situation or like I want to gossip about her, and to be honest…some kind I was happy for her…not because of what happened to her, but because she got free of him finally!

Not many days passed by when we saw the news of her ex husband’s death. We still don’t know if it was an accident, if he k**led himself, or what was the cause of his death, no one ever told that.

This brings us to yesterday when one of our best friends (which is still my best friend, we’ll call her “Ana”) saw Linda in the town and decided to go and talk to her. She called me immediately after and told me every detail. Linda was emotional and on the verge of tears when they met, and they shared contacts and also decided to meet for coffe, them and me, tomorrow🥹.

Also, one of other best friend of us (which we still are pretty close) that lives abroad and is in town said she would join too and I never in my whole life imagined our group again together, let alone me and Linda together after 10 years with no contact.

I thought I don’t feel love for her anymore, I didn’t love her nor hate her, but I got this scary feeling for tomorrow, and something inside me is so excited, I feel like I will meet my child self. I never hated her, and I never got angry of her decision to leave me.

I got angry of her decision to ruin her beautiful life that she had created until he came along. And I felt angry and sorry, only for her… but, I know that things happen for a reason so I never judged her for her decisions, it was her life and her mistakes to live. We’re not perfect and we all make stupid decisions, the thing is: heart always go back to her home.

No matter her reaction, cold or warm towards me, I will still try to talk only about our childhood, beautiful things we did, I want her to feel safe and bring to her just a glimpse of her beautiful life into the hard times she is going through.

I am so excited!

The internet had a lot to say in response.

wizecraxk wrote:

Unless you ended on really bad terms a friend stays a friend forever. I say just make the most of the time you have with them and try to keep in contact better.

evolving_desires wrote:

Enjoy! You just never know what’s next in life and if you keep an open mind, amazing things can happen. Best of luck - either way.

Opposite_Amount2545 wrote:

Your friend has been through quite an ordeal. Being no contact for a decade would be strange, bc you basically were intentionally put out of her life. She went along with that decision regardless. I would lower your expectations a bit on thinking she will be open and share much of things.

Everything you have learned is from others that know her situation. People grow apart and childhood friendships, high school, young adult etc, well they have a time and a place. Speaking from experience (middle aged woman), I have nothing in common with my youth friends.

It’s natural to grow apart and each have to make an effort if it’s worth remaining close. Anyhow, you want to protect yourself from facing any sort of rejection once again. Best advice would be to avoid saying “I told you so.”, even though it’s obvious you knew it was an ab#$ive relationship. You only wanted the best for her. I hope it goes well for you tomorrow OP!

escrimadragon wrote:

Quite a novella, but I read and enjoyed every word! I miss some of my old friends and would love an opportunity to reconnect, but sadly they’re all over the place and have their own lives. Hope it goes well!

ObiwanSkippy wrote:

You sound like you are being a true friend. Just be there for her. My best friend and I parted one day not knowing it would be our last time for 12 years…then boom! We reconnected and we now live together in our fifties. We picked up like a day never passed in that 12 years. We are still big giddy kids together.

Two days later, OP shared an update.

Hi everybody, I hope you’re all doing good.

Some of you asked for an update about me meeting my friend.

The meeting was yesterday and it went better than I imagined. We had to meet after I finish my shift and through all day I felt a little mixed emotions. I didn’t know how she would react when she sees me. “Ana” and her scheduled the place and time to meet all of us, and when I went there they were already talking and greeting each other.

I told myself that no matter what, I will give Linda a warm and long hug, and after that if I feel her uncomforted I will take a step back. She hugged me back and at first, it felt good but a little strange, like I am hugging an unknown person, but after some seconds it felt like I am hugging the Linda I know.

We walked just a little until we decided where to sit for coffee, and I didn’t want to ask anything about what she’ve been going through, I wanted our “first” meet to be filled with laughs and good memories. Ana didn’t ask her either, we went straight to being our teenage selfs, being silly and mocking each other (of course in a good way).

Linda at first felt a little uncomfortable because I know she felt guilty about how things ended between us without an explanation, without saying goodbye, without any reason, but, when she saw us being completely ourselves like we used to be when she left us, she started opening up, being more comfortable and laughing with us.

I didn’t want to sound like I don’t care about her life at all, so I asked if she is working, how her son is and things like this in general, and when she started to openly talk she was on the verge of tears, but didn’t cry.

I feel like she felt like she “owes” us an explanation on what happened with her life, what she’ve been through, but I told her “let’s make today only about good things, whatever happened to you is now gone, and I know you are so strong, and so loved and supported, and I know you are in a better place than you were, and all I care about is this, seeing you good."

She told us a glimpse of what she’ve been through, how she was obligated to sneaky leave just with the clothes she was wearing, some things for her son and her aunt that lived in the same state took her and opened her home for Linda and her son.

She did a restraining order and told the authorities she had to leave because of the physical & verbal harm so she could take full custody of her son. She won the case and asked for her son to meet her father only supervised by authorities. She was really struggling to find a place of her own and had to live with her aunt for a while, until she found a small apartment near her and moved there.

She found a retail job part time, and since then Linda and her son are living together. I asked how her ex passed, and she said she don’t know because she was fully no contact with him and her in laws, changed her number, got out of all social media and until an unknown number called to tell her he is dead, she didn’t have an idea.

They said that he passed from a heart attack, but that’s all she knows about his passing, she also didn’t believe her ex sis-in law when she called to inform her about his death, Linda said “don’t bother me” and hung up.

After a while the news was confirmed and she believed that he actually died and of course she was devastated. Her telling the story got me teared up and I told her that the most important thing is that she is doing better, and to never ever look back on the past, just in the future.

We then changed the subject and talked about old times, joked, laughed, just like back in the time. Our third best friend came later but still managed to spend time together all of us, like nothing has changed.

My house and her parents house are nearby and we drove together at our town and I said I would like to meet her son just for a few minutes outside the door, just so I could hug him and go. We went, and her grandmother, her mother, her whole family were out, hugging me and inviting me over. Her son hugged me, he was a little bit shy, but I didn’t like to push him to be closer so I just hugged him, and let him be.

I went inside just for 5 mins but ended staying almost 40 min, talking with her family, laughing, telling old stories, it felt just like when we used to hang out back then. After that Linda dropped me home and she had to leave first thing in the morning. She said she’ll be back during summer and we’ll definitely meet, I told her she can call me whenever she wants.

We hugged, said goodbye and that’s the whole story.

I felt so happy, I felt like she needed this so much, as much as we did, and I am so glad we are again in touch. Thank you all for your good wishes!

The internet had a lot to say in response to OP's update.

Head-Panic4823 wrote:

Thank you for sharing and for being an amazing friend. Having been through a similar situation I will tell you, the people that show up for you when you’re in any of the phases of it, matter and you're officially one of her people again. Okay, I’m gonna go back to crying….

gma8686 wrote:

You are such an awesome friend, you're right she really needed what you and your friends gave her. I hope you all continue to get back to what you all had before her life changed so drastically. Thank you for sharing your heartwarming journey with all us invested internet strangers. I love seeing that there is still good in this crazy world.

jmorgan0527 wrote:

I just want you to know that this is beautiful, and if I'd had friends that accepted me without pause after I went through what I've gone through with my babies, I'd feel so damn grateful and more than happy.

anasanaben wrote:

What a great reunion between friends that truly love each other. I am so happy that you and Linda are back in each other’s lives, she can use all the support she can get. Good luck to your relationship going forward.

AboveGroundPoolQueen wrote:

I’m glad that you’ve reunited with your friend. Be careful telling her not to think about the past and only focus on the future. People that have trauma need to work through the trauma of the past and when someone tells them not to think about the past, it really is dismissive. So please be thoughtful about that.