Woman feels ambushed by 'aggressive party vibe' at BF's annual camping trip; he accuses her of being 'unsociable.' AITA?
"AITA for mentally 'checking out' at a weekend camping trip my BF invited me to?"
DreadPirateRoberts_2
I (F,26) was excitedly invited by my bf (M, 26) to his favorite annual camping weekend shindig with all of his best friends. I was super excited to get out into nature, canoe around the lake, hike some trails, and sing/play my uke around the campfire and meet some new fun peeps.
For a little background info: I have had to quit drinking completely, and have been sober a year; my BF knows this, and has even come to a couple meetings with me. He drinks on weekends and such pretty heavily sometimes, but I just don't get envolved. I'm past my party phase, I get that he needs to relax.
Anyway... we show up to this gorgeous private camp area, everything I was envisioning!... and then people starting showing up. With booze. Like, a LOT of it. They immediately begin drinking and getting hammered.
The women there avoided me like the plague, even though I'd never met them before. (I later asked my BF what that was about, and he proceeded to give me a shockingly long list of how many of them he'd already hooked up with. I have a past too, but they’re all out of the picture. It felt super uncomfortable for me to be surrounded by his “past)
Honestly, the second people started slurring words and acting stupid, I had some pretty rough PTSD-type flashbacks from my own party days, so I "checked out". I carpooled up there, 5 hours from where I live, so I was stuck. I made the best of it the whole weekend.
I walked the trails by myself; I floated around on the lake while everyone else played beer pong. I was friendly and chatted with folks any time we had a sober hour (usually just the mornings).
One particular night, I slipped away to my BF's truck, just to get away from the noise and constant insistence from others to "slap the bag" (wine bag) and "chug"- and there was a car next to me, rocking back and forth, with a random pair hooking up. I guess it sounds funny now, but in that moment, I just felt violated.
When we finally drove home, my boyfriend expressed his disappointment in me, and said I was very rude to wander off and leave these people several times. On the one hand, I guess I'd usually agree- I was ready to socialize and make friends! On the other, I was not at ALL warned or prepared for the type of intense event this really was.
I feel like my BF of almost a year should've let me know (about the booze, MAYBE about the hookups, although, I wouldn't have known if they hadn't cold-shouldered me), and I probably would've just opted out of attending.
I THINK I did the best I could to both protect my peace, AND socialize where I could, given the situation. I don't feel like I owe this crowd anything (meant to say, there were probably 40+ people), though he claims they're ALL his best friends.
But I now feel super guilty, and I really don't know what to do or who's right here.
I truly feel like a "cold" (his words) b****, which I usually never am :(
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Deep_Scope
NTA. I would start thinking about your relationship on what you want here, this person doesn't seem like they mesh with your wants.
DreadPirateRoberts_2 (OP)
Yeah- that’s such a tough one for me, because outside of the party/drinking area, we are pretty good and compatible. Admittedly, this type of issue seems to keep cropping up, but I’m worried that I’m now just too “uptight”. Thanks very much for reading, and for your input.
Vyckerz
Not at all. He has no respect for your status as a sober person. Only you can decide if it's worth staying with him but it doesn't look like he's looking out for your best interests.
DreadPirateRoberts_2 (OP)
I honestly had not thought of it that way at all… I still feel like a “hypocrite “ for having such a rough past, and now expecting someone else to be sober like me- It’s just a very odd feeling I wasn’t prepared for. Thank you for this perspective.
FeuerroteZora
You aren't expecting him to be sober like you. You are expecting him to like you sober, and to respect your choices. Big difference!
swillshop
How could any mature, emotionally (and regarding alcohol) healthy person know and care about you for a year and think it was a good idea to take to an isolated weekend binge fest?
AND be upset that you needed to distance yourself from the drinking and drunkenness? AND blindside you with a litany of the crowd already having some resentment for you just being with this guy?
Chickets17
NTA so your BF brings his sober GF to a drunk fest full of girls he has slept with, and he is disappointed in you…..
davekayaus
Your boyfriend took you, a recovering alcoholic, to a 5-day drink and fuck fest in the forest with several of his exes? Then called you a 'cold bitch' when you didn't like the experience? He needs to be your ex.
_eilistraee
NTA. This guy honestly doesn’t seem good for you, or like he cares about you that much. Taking you to an event like that without even warning you of what takes place (especially given that you’re sober) is just wild.
And he called you a b-word?? You need to leave immediately. Being surrounded by his ex-partners (or flings) without warning would’ve also immediately turned me off of him.