'AITA for messaging an ex after my wife messaged and called a man who told her not to marry me?'
"AITA for messaging an ex after my wife messaged and called a man who told her not to marry me?"
I am a 33m and my wife is 31f. We got married last month. Recently, she went to a class and I stayed home working. She has an iPad which kept buzzing so I went to turn it to silent.
When I got to the iPad, it was someone she had supposedly stopped talking to. All there was were 3 calls, and her exact address where she was. Supposedly, his sister had taken a class in the area and he was wondering if it was the same place. This guy, she had gone on one or two dates with and weeks before our wedding he kept telling her not to marry me.
After this, I confronted her and she said they were very short calls and they had only talked about his sick mother and nothing else. She apologized and said it was wrong of her but I had already lost trust and was very hurt.
Fast forward 4-5 days, and I texted an ex who I had dated for about a month 2 years ago. She had messaged me on Veterans Day as I’m a veteran but I completely ignored it.
Since then I chatted with her for about 4 days just about how her daughter is, how my daughter is and things like that. I deleted the messages as I felt guilty because I only have eyes for my wife and had never thought she would be talking to this guy.
A few days later she went through my phone and found the messages in my deleted texts. She was upset that I talked to her and one time I said I was thinking about her. I told her I did it because I was hurt and apologized about it and said it wasn’t right and it would never happen again.
She has lost all trust in me more for telling the other woman I was thinking about her than anything because everything else was innocent conversation and no more than 10 texts back and forth. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
No offense bro but if you’re going to tit-for-tat with your spouse then you’re marriage is doomed. Neither of you trust each other at this point. I do think your wife is just trying to obfuscate her lies by making what you did a bigger deal than it should be (that’s women for you).
Especially since hers were calls and a single message with an address. That's a planned meetup more than likely.
ESH. You're both actively undermining your own marriage. That this is happening so early in your marriage is a sign it's probably not going to last. Neither of you will likely be able to trust the other again.
You were hurt when your wife did it, and you’re wondering whether you’re TA for hurting your wife by doing the same thing? Everybody knows that two wrongs don’t make a right.
ESH You aren't going to be married long if you do tit for tat.
Tit for tat is immature and toxic.
ESH and I don't see this marriage lasting.
ESH, you need to grow up. Your marriage is never going to last if you have to take revenge for every wrong doing.