Pregnant woman catches MIL on security camera putting husband's toothbrush in her mouth. AITA?
"MIL caught on camera."
Okay so enough has happened to make my husband realize that the situation with my MIL is bad and needs active resolution. The last 2 times MIL and FIL (the latter of which is kind of just checked out & just along for the ride) visited.
The first of the last 2 times: They happen to come at the right time to meet our new neighbour and introduced themselves. We came out to greet them - DH came down the stairs first and I came down shortly afterwards.
MIL told the neighbour “this is our son’s home, he’s been here for 3 years - you should meet my son!”. Meanwhile I’m standing there, hadn’t even had a chance to say “hello how are you”, also having lived there & been paying for the home for several years.
DH came out first so yes he started talking to this man and I started walking towards them to also introduce myself but was interrupted by MIL’s gropey hands on my pregnant belly while she spoke to my belly and not me and after a few phrases finally looked up at me and asked “it’s ok if I touch” which no longer meant anything since she had done enough at that point.
I think the expression on my face was answer enough. I walked towards the new neighbour and said “Hi, I’m DH’s wife”. MIL stuttered - “she’s my husband’s, uh, uh, uh”. As in she’s referring to my DH as her husband?? And I’m what - the mistress?
The whole thing - just being treated like I’m an incubator for a baby or just a surrogate for her left a bad taste in my mouth so I got my laptop outside and sat and worked on stuff (to show “you don’t get to effing talk to me after treating me like that”) while she tried to come up to me & bother me with questions. “OP, do your feet hurt? SO DO MINE, I need a place to sit too”.
Instance 2: I wasn’t actually present for this. DH had agreed to his parents coming over while we were at work bc they dropped SIL’s kid off somewhere “to help her out” for a bit so they had time to kill.
Now, I had some time to prepare. I told DH I was uncomfortable with them being in our home while we weren’t there and he kind of just brushed it off like “what could possibly happen”.
Fine. I ordered some security cameras to place in our home ahead of their arrival, didn’t warn them ahead of time but the cameras were in pretty obvious placements around the place.
So on the recordings, I see FIL just on his phone minding his own business & going outside. Meanwhile, MIL is walking around our living room looking around, picking up DH’s birthday card from my parents & putting it back down.
Then, she went into my closet & started going through my closet, touching my dresses. A dress falls down & she just tosses it into the closet without putting it back on the hanger. She has no business in our bedroom, right?
She walks into our bedroom, back to the camera so she can’t see it & is opening our wardrobes! What can she possibly be looking for? Then she went into our bathroom & comes out holding DH’s toothbrush in her mouth. She finally makes eye contact with the camera and does a little startled jump.
This woman has cold sores - HSV!! I’m pregnant, what if she gives DH or myself HSV??? And it passes onto the baby?? I sent this evidence to DH and had a talk with him so he’s going to have “a talk” with his mom.
Also issue is that she has been treating me terribly over the last 4 years that we’ve been together - I have no trust in her behaviour improving. She regularly calls DH & tries to criticize me (e.g. tells him I don’t clean enough - even though we both work full time and share those responsibilities)
DH is wondering - other than yelling at her, what he could say to her? We were thinking of telling her we revoke her babysitting privileges & going low contact but what else would even be impactful?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
She put your husbands toothbrush in her mouth? Even with cold sores aside… WTactualF????? Why would anyone do that?? It’s so bizzarre. Obviously you would not be able to trust she’d keep her lips off your baby.
Because she thought it was OP's. She knew exactly what she was doing. You really can't tell whose toothbrush is whose unless they're super rich and get their names embossed on them. My husband just grabs a toothbrush from the stash, he doesn't care what color it is. All my flabbers were ghasted and I threw up in my mouth a little when I read that.
She is no longer permitted in your home. Ever. Supervised or not. Immediate break from contact for at least six months, during which time she is to seek intensive therapy for her disgusting obsession with her son.
This break can and should be extended every time she tries to force contact, or if it becomes obvious that she isn't making progress. If contact is reestablished, it will be on a probationary basis, and will not involve children until you, the parents, are both comfortable doing so.
Any attempt to circumvent these restrictions is to be met with further action, up to and including legal repercussions. If she sends relatives to berate you for cutting her off, show them the security footage and tell them exactly what they're seeing.
If she shows up on your doorstep, have the police trespass her from the property. If she starts following you in public, start looking into the process for a restraining order in your area. Strong boundaries are only effective if they're paired with equally strong consequences, and you've got plenty of power in that regard.
What….the….*#%!! Did I just read??? So you show him the video of her not only snooping but she had HIS TOOTHBRUSH IN HER MOUTH and he’s wondering what to say?!?!! AND SHE HAS HSV!!!!!!! You have a disgusting husband problem. Honey she’s no longer allowed in my home, around my kids, don’t even think about me in that disgusting mind of hers!
She would never see me again and if she comes on to my property I’m calling the police every. Single. Time. I…..I’m at a loss for words. My skin is crawling and now I’m throwing out our toothbrushes and replacing them with brand new ones 🤮
Oh I would have DH send the video to her and FIL and tell her she is no longer allowed to come for obvious reasons. End of conversation. Completely drop the rope and let DH know that he can not tell them when you go in labor. Tell the hospital she is not allowed to visit the hospital or your home.