MIL crosses the line, 'she let her relatives use OUR house.' AITA? 'I was PISSED.'
"AITA for calling out my mother-in-law after she let her relatives use our house without telling us first?"
Okay, so here’s what happened. My wife and I just moved into this house about six months ago. We worked our asses off to afford it. Like late nights, skipped vacations, saying no to stuff we wanted just to make it happen. It’s not huge or fancy, but it’s ours. And that matters to me. A lot. Now here’s the thing.
My MIL has always been…let’s just say, “involved.” Not in the sweet, helpful way. More like, she thinks she still runs things. And at first, I was patient. I mean, it’s her daughter I get it. But lately? She’s been crossing the line.
Last weekend, I get home from a quick errand and there’s this family I barely know like, third cousins or whatever inside our house. Like, already making themselves comfortable. Eating snacks. One of them used our shower. No one even asked. Not a text. Not a heads up. Nothing. I ask my wife what’s going on.
She’s just as surprised. Turns out, MIL gave them the keys. Told them they could stay for the weekend because they were “passing through” and hotels are expensive. Like? Are you kidding me? I was pissed. Not just because they were there, but because we had no idea. We didn’t agree to it. It wasn’t even her place to offer!
I tried to stay calm. I really did. But I ended up confronting her the next morning. I said something like, “I’m not trying to be rude, but can you please talk to us next time before letting someone use our house? This is our home. Not a guesthouse. We need to be asked first. That’s just basic respect.”
She rolled her eyes. Said I was overreacting. That it’s “just family.” Then she hit me with, “So what, you're too good for them now?” Like what do I even say to that?? Now there’s tension. My wife’s caught in the middle.
I feel like the bad guy for setting a boundary in my own damn house. I don’t want to be the jerk. But I also don’t want to keep pretending this is okay. It’s not. I feel disrespected. So now I’m wondering…AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
JewelerAggravating96 said:
NTA. Change your locks and do not give MIL a key. No unexpected visits, no random visitors. Die on this hill and make sure wife is on board. I would be livid. This behavior on her part is not acceptable. Do not have kids until this is resolved ir you'll never be free of MIL.
Goat_wool_sock said:
NTA, and I would have definitely kicked them out, like immediately. Also, your wife is not “caught in the middle," she should simply take a step and come to your side. It’s your house, not your MIL’s.
Loud_Duck6726 said:
NTA...CHANGE THE LOCKS. Put boundaries in place now. OR HAVE SOME FUN - Get some friends in on this and ask them to show up at her place for dinner. Then later have some show up with their suitcases. Bonus points for every child and pet that comes with them. If she can use your home. You can use hers.
Obvious-Weakness-218 said:
Our MIL sounds like she is a bit much and bully to boot. Why didn't this family stay at MIL's instead of at your house? I wouldn't do this unless I heard from someone who lived/ owned there. Your mother in law does not a key to your house. Change all locks and codes do not give any to MIL.
I would also recommend couples counseling with your wife, so that you both understand each other and can set an boundary with MIL that if she crosses means no contact. I agree with the person who said do NOT have kids until this is resolved.
CrazyOldBag said:
NTA. Replace all locks with digital ones. That way, if MIL MUST come in, you assign her a one-time code and that’s it. Your wife is NOT in the middle. She needs to be fully on your side and ready to rip her mother a new one. This behavior is so far out of bounds that your wife should have been on her mother’s case before you could get a word in.
FloMoJoeBlow said:
NTA, but wife sort of is, for thinking she's "caught in the middle." Nope...wife should be on the same page. And, change the locks.