'AITA for telling my MIL to 'grow up' when she demanded we change our wedding seating?'

"AITA for telling my MIL I want no part in her family drama?"

I’m getting married in October. My fiancé Mark (33M) and I(28F) are planning and paying for everything ourselves with a modest 80 person wedding. He is the only child on his side but his mother has 6 brothers and sisters and is the eldest of the 7.

His mother Susan (63F) and I usually have a great relationship. We never had any major arguments, and even with the occasional disagreement, we were always able to talk it out like adults. We even went shopping together to find her dress for the wedding.

My MIL is Latina and can be dramatic. She has some drama with her siblings from way before I met Mark that has never really been a concern before. The 3 big things I know of:

A. Her brother (Henry) and sister (Carol) don’t speak because her sister exchanged some words with her brother’s wife 15 years ago. She has since tried to apologize but hasn’t really been “forgiven”.

B. One of her sisters (Marcy) cheated on her husband and Susan called her out for it, so Marcy and her kids no longer speak to her.

C. Her youngest brother (Jose) abandoned their mother on her death bed. He was supposed to watch her but left his mother alone to be with his wife (idk why) and she suffered a stroke alone. She passed away from this and the entire family has cut him off.

Anyways this all happened years ago before I even knew Mark. Mark has a relationship with all his cousins - including his cousins from Jose. When we started to compile the guest list for the wedding, Susan and Mark had some disagreements over who to invite.

She did not want him to invite Marcy or Jose, nor their kids. We ended up inviting everyone except Jose’s family. His kids actually reached out to us and gave us that option because they knew how Susan would be and took a step back themselves. She was okay with us inviting Marcy because Mark is actually very close with his cousin and Marcy’s son is Mark’s groomsman.

I think I was very accommodating through the entire process. Of 80 guests, 30 are his family, and I only have 30 guests in total including my family. I felt bad he could only invite 10 friends if we split guests 50:50 so I ended up giving him more spots and cutting my list (work friends, spouses, etc).

We finalized the tables last week, and had tables of 10. We sat people with direct family members first (eg. Henry and his wife are sitting with their son and their grandkids). MIL is now demanding we move everyone around because she doesn’t want to sit anywhere near Marcy.

They are not at the same table, Marcy is two tables away. Yet Susan is demanding we move Marcy and her kids over to the last table, and seat all the “adults” (aka. her siblings) together.

I said no to this. This would be very disrespectful of Marcy, and she would be away from the rest of the family. Then I mentioned how is she okay putting Carol and Henry at the same table, then she started to move everything around and placed Carol and her husband with my fiance’s friends because she needed to prioritize Henry who is her twin.

I started to get way too overwhelmed and raised my voice. I told her that they are grown ups and can sit through a 1 hour dinner service like adults without sitting next to who you want to. I wasn’t about to mix family members up with friends and create awkward environments unnecessarily.

Then she went to say “family comes first. your friends are not as important.” I began to see red at this point as I had already sacrificed my side of the guest list to accommodate her family. I then told her “I don’t care what BS drama you have from 15 years ago.

You can suck it up and eat for 1 hour then party and socialize with whoever you want after. You’re not confined to your seat. You need to grow up and let it go because it is your son’s wedding, not yours.”

I feel like an AH because Susan never had a wedding of her own and she was really excited for this, which I understand. I also feel like I was in the right telling her off. Mark is fully backing me up on this, but AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Low_Speech9880 said:

Nope! You did good. Enjoy your day and ignore the drama.

bookworm-1960 said:

NTA. You were honest and clear. You set a boundary that it is your wedding and the two of you have decided who sits where, not her. She is an adult and obviously needed to be reminded of these things.

shawnwright663 siad:

Well done you! This is exactly what needed to be said and you handled it well. She does need to grow up.

Bleu5EJ said:

NTA. You did good. Sets the tone. And extra kudos for not wanting that drama bleeding into your marriage or the next generation.

SunshinePrincess21 said:

NTA, Next time she tries to start things up again, stare her in the eye, then turn to fiancé. Ask, ‘Are you still okay with Vegas?’

MissMurderpants said:

NTA. Get long/banquet/bingo tables. So much easier to mix and match people. And keep some people far away and the such.

OP responded:

I wish my venue had this option. The venue didn’t allow this :(