"AITA? MIL insisting she brings her dogs for Christmas."
I’ve been with my partner 7 years and 2 engaged. Every year it’s the same festive debate: “are we going to your parents or mine for Christmas dinner this year." We made a vow that when we finally got the keys to our own home, we’d host Christmas ourselves. Well, this is the year - new house, new chapter, new stress levels.
Now, let me start by saying: I love my in- laws. They’re lovely people. But they have one small, furry obsession - their dogs. And when I say obsession, I mean borderline lifestyle choice. Every single plan for the last 7 years has revolved around these dogs. • Going out for dinner? Had to be dog friendly place.
• Day trip? Dogs come too. • Shopping? Gotta be quick - can’t leave the dogs alone for more than four hours. We moved into our own house earlier this year - a fixer upper. We both agreed it wasn’t the right place for the dogs.
My MIL said “oh, they’ll be fine as long as they stay on leads” Guess what happened next? Yep - they came over. I smiled through gritted teeth because I didn’t want to cause drama. Afterward, I told my partner I didn’t want the dogs in our house again.
Since then my in laws and sister in law have basically formed a dog sitting relay team, taking turns to visit us so the dogs are never alone for more than four hours. Which means, my social life is still dictated by two canines with separation anxiety. The last two christmases, my MIL suggested we do a “blended family dinner” both sides together.
It’s actually been lovely! Expect for one tiny issue - the dogs. They sit under the table begging for food, bumping legs and pinching the odd Yorkshire pud off the table if you’re not looking. My family’s polite, but I can see their discomfort as they try to tell the dogs to move while my MIL goes “oh, they’re just hungry."
This year, things got even more complicated because one dog is now deaf and the other completely blind - so the mollycoddling has hit expert level. A few weeks ago my MIL asked “what’s happening for Christmas this year?”
My partner and I said “we’d love to host everyone this year” her response? “Well, we didn’t anticipate you getting a cat. So what are we doing about the dogs?”
Ah yes, the cat. We adopted her a few months ago. She came from a rough background, and it’s taken months to get her confidence and settled.
I assumed my partner would explain that the dogs can’t come but instead it got awkward and my MIL said “well leave you two to discuss” translation: figure it out, or I’ll bring the dogs anyway. Since then I’ve found myself mentally rearranging the entire day to make it “work” - locking the cat away, letting the dogs roam free, trying to make everyone happy.
But the more I think about it the more I realise I don’t want the dogs here. AITA for wanting a dog free Christmas in my own home? Because at this point, it feels like I’m trying to keep everybody happy but I’ve got two dogs and a MIL with separation anxiety.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Less_Instruction_345 wrote:
YTA (you and husband) for being spineless and allowing this nonsense to continue. It's your home, you are hosting so it's time to finally put your foot down and set clear ground rules. You are partly at fault for allowing this nonsense to go on and affect you. Either they bring a crate to keep the dogs in, or the dogs don't come.
Stop letting everything you do be dictated to. It's fine if the in laws want to devote their lives to the dogs, but it's selfish and unrealistic of them to expect everyone else to go along with it. You've let it go on for so long that they will be shocked that you are finally taking a stand, and it's long overdue. Your house, your rules. Grow a spine and set the rules.
IAmIrene wrote:
NTA. Your house, your rules but your husband has got to be on the same page as you with his parents. Any crack in that front and it all collapses. How far away do your in-laws live? If you're all in the same town then there is zero reason for them to impose like this. If they can't leave them for more than four hours at a time, then it's for them to figure out what they're doing. Their dogs, their issue.
makethatnoise wrote:
Since I'm a firm believer in everyone being free to make their own life choices, I'm gonna say NAH. You're not an AH for having boundaries in your home, and for offering accommodations to family members within those boundaries. MIL is not an AH for having something in her life that brings her joy (dogs) as an empty nester.
Seems like MIL has a choice; leave the dogs at home, if she has to travel to visit you she can get an Air BNB or hotel room that's dog friendly; or if she's so hell bent in spending he holidays with the dogs, she doesn't have to come. You've set a boundary, and she can either fit into that or make an adult choice to not come; but forcing her wants into your boundaries is not acceptable.
similar_name4489 wrote:
NTA seriously? Tell them to bring a kennel/cage for the dogs to stay in for the duration of the visit, or to not bring them - you should not lock up your cat in its home for the convenience of your entitled in-laws. If they fail to bring a kennel/cage, then they go home - simple as that. Grow a spine and stand up for yourself.
Athingwithfeathers2 wrote:
I'm going to keep saying this until it catches on. It's rude to bring animals to other people's homes, especially when they already have pets. When did people forget this rule?