"My MIL is mad that we got married. AITA?"
Forgive formatting, mobile user. My mother in law is mad her son and I are married. My husband (23m) and I (23F) decided to get married last Saturday, paperwork only for now, as a wedding isn't a priority right now for multiple reasons. We thought it would be sweet and invited his parents to sign as witnesses.
His mother started calling my parents to convince them to talk us out of this decision immediately, my parents (who are divorced) both told her "they're starting a family, this is their decision-not ours." My parents rarely talk since they split, but want to help protect my family so yippee to my parents.
I'm 8 months pregnant, a junior in college, and have teaching certs I need to sign up for coming up so it made the most logistical sense to do the paperwork now and wedding later, and that's only considering my benefits.
I'm also white, my husband is Filipino. His mother migrated her in the 90's and has been very vocal that she doesn't view white women as suitable partners for Filipino men. We told her to meet us where we would be signing the papers, with my sister as a witness and my dad as the officiant.
She threw a fit, gave the cold shoulder and stink eye the whole time, refused photos, and made her husband sign the marriage license and has decided to cut my husband off insurance, phone plan, and to be petty Netflix now has my profile set to a photo of a monster character? They're on my account so they'll be kicked off very shortly.
We still got married which made her mad, we already paid for the license and have a baby on the way literally due any day. But apparently I'm evil due to this SHARED decision.
She refuses to speak to me, refused to sign the papers, and now has me blocked on Facebook and instagram. My husband showed me that she's posting nothing but "respect your parents" and vague posts about evil women corrupting sons.
Icing on the cake- she wasn't acting like this when we got engaged or when I got pregnant. Only now that I'm "taking her son away from her." I've known I'm not her first choice for who she wanted her son to marry.
She's Filipina, she wanted him to marry a traditional Filipina woman from the city, I'm a white girl from redneck midwest. I didn't think it would be like this since her husband is a white Air Force vet also from redneck midwest.
My husband is cutting contact with her, but it's all so exhausting to know that she views me as a vessel for her grandson rather than her son's wife or her daughter-in-law.
According to my husband she does this any time she doesn't get her way, I told him she's not welcome around our son any time soon. AITA for deciding to keep my son away from her and cutting contact?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA, that’s your child. If she can’t find it in her heart to put her biases aside and respect you, then she shouldn’t have access to the most important thing in your life. When she’s ready to accept you and your husband’s life choices, then starts making genuine efforts to forge a real relationship, she can be properly integrated.
NTA. I have to wonder if she’s acting out sublimated or overt anger at her white husband from the Midwest and taking it out in the two of you, you especially. In no way does this excuse it but I know at least some from the Philippines and elsewhere here won expectation that wt least some of the children will live at home with their spouses and children and then take care of their parents as they get older.
Is she expecting this from the two of you and you’ve refused? I certainly would in your situation but that may be another factor in her still twisted and wrong attitude.
Congratulations on your marriage and your upcoming child. Maybe that will bring her around, if either of you even want that. If she does, you and your husband will need clear boundaries for her and her expected behavior going forward.
Anything less than civility and basic manners will mean she’s cut off again and any other rules you and your husband agree on. It’s unfortunate she’s either being childish and possessive of her son here or she’s bitter with how her life turned out IMO.
Cyanidepumpkinspice (OP)
He's an only child, but his mother has made it clear that she intends to move back to the Philippines when she gets too old to take care of herself. As for arguments with her husband we don't really know, he says he'll smooth things over with her to us and then he ends up making it worse. It's strange behavior but apparently normal for her. Idk. 🤷♀️
Literally nothing about this is on you. Boundaries = self preservation, not evilness. Keep your baby safe is 100% not her feelings.
Meh, it’s her problem to deal with. Don’t make it yours. Taking him off of the cell and insurance though is to be expected if you’re going to be married, so that point isn’t all that petty to me. But the rest? Her problem so don’t pay it any attention.
No, NTA. Your MIL sounds like a thorough piece of work, and someone I wouldn’t want my child around either. I’m sorry she isn’t accepting of you and is behaving like an immature child. It’s good that your partner seems to have your back and has stopped speaking with her. She needs to get over herself and be happy for her son. Who your partner is with is not her choice. Congrats on the marriage.