'AITA for telling my mother in law not to place her own gift tags on Christmas presents I ordered for MY children?'
"AITA for telling my mother in law not to place her own gift tags on Christmas presents I ordered for MY children?"
so basically I had ordered all my children’s Christmas presents online to be sent to my in-laws home, as we are spending christmas there this year, my mother in law said that she didn’t mind wrapping them all up before we all got there.
We arrived here yesterday and all was well, after the kids got settled in their room I got a chance to ask her about the presents, she told me that they were mostly all wrapped with just a couple she needed to finish off and that they were stored in their basement.
I did ask if she needed a hand finishing the rest off, but she insisted that I should rest after our journey. So, I rejoined my husband in the sitting room. A couple hours later she had gone to take a nap.
So, I went down to their basement to see how many had been wrapped and like she said there were some still left to wrap but as I was checking some of the bigger presents, I noticed that they already had gift tags taped to them. When I flipped the tags they read “from grandma” on not just one, but on all of the bigger ones so I immediately went and told my husband about what I just found.
He said that his mum had asked if she could put a few of her tags on as she “didn’t want to disappoint her grandsons.” My husband agreed that she could and told me that it isn’t a big deal and that this is the only time we will be spending Christmas over at theirs (as they live 4 hours away.)
I’m mad that most of the bigger presents are things that I had pre ordered for a long time and put a lot of thought into and had some toys personalised with their name (which costed a lot of money.)
Anyway, my mother in law came back downstairs from her nap so I basically told her that I don’t think it’s right for her to just do that without asking me. She got super upset and told me that I was being selfish.
She then tried guilt tripping by saying this could be one of the last Christmas’s she will have. She’s old but she’s not that old (71). She told me that I’m ruining christmas already.
I don't know, I'm trying my best to appear as nothing is wrong around my kids. I do feel bad and that I may have overreacted. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave her tags on and apologise or put my own tags on and tell her she should have bought more?? This is turning into a nightmare.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA, she is overstepping here and taking advantage of a situation. What did she actually get the grandkids?? She shouldnt have asked your husband as we was well aware she did that just to circumvent you.
Clearly you were the one she organized everything to do with the presents with until she decided she wanted to put her name on things. Very deceptive of her and really shitty that your husband didnt tell you right away, even if he was okay with it. Maybe he should help more with presents overall too.
Yeah, it seems like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree here - OP’s husband doesn’t appear to have taken any initiative or responsibility for getting presents for his kids and still thinks he can unilaterally authorize his mom to take credit for gifts she didn’t buy??
NTA, OP, and I’m a little worried how much nonsense you’re dealing with in your marriage that you thought it was even a possibility that you could be the AH in this situation.
Are you joking???? RIP those gift tags off and tell MIL she can buy her own gifts if she doesn’t want to disappoint them. This is beyond cheeky and I can guarantee she’s rifled through the presents and chosen the biggest most expensive ones to present from grandma.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. Your husband is a massive AH and the fact they’ve discussed this behind your back is downright manipulative. I’m actually so angry on your behalf.
NTA. What a lousy AH move! She knew you would be upset and sneakily told you it's all fine and ready so you'll find out when it was too late. You don't want to disappoint your grandsons? Well how about saving for their BIG presents instead of leeching from the mom and making HER look bad in front of her kids?!
I just can't understand how people feel so entitled to even suggest such a horrible request, by knowing they are making someone else taking the fall for their lack of preparedness, and laziness. You should put your own tags, and let her take the fall as she should.
NTA. I'd remove every single tag. Hell, I'd even unwrap them and wrap them again writing with a marker, "To Bobby, Love Mom." Skip the tags altogether. Not only did she steal all the time, thought and effort that went into purchasing those items, she did it so you would look bad.
She is putting her ego and wanting to be the star of the day so you won't be, despite any pain and disappointment you might feel and robbing you of the happiness you normally would share with your kids. She deliberately went behind your back. Your husband needs to grow a spine unless he is in the camp of wanting to feed your mother's ego over your shock and sadness.
My children were always so grateful for their gifts. so now his mother and your husband think his mother somehow deserves this gratitude? She doesn't! Go fix this. You've got this! I do hope this isn't a pattern for your husband and you can work together to rectify this situation. Best wishes luv!
NTA. Though you have a twofold issue. The first is the audacity rich MIL who thinks that just because she wraps them, she gets credit?!! Secondly though, and more importantly for you is the husband who folded like a cheap pack of cards when mummy asked if she could do that!!
I don’t envy your Christmas experience but I’d be having a much larger conversation with mySO about him making unilateral decisions about things you have clearly done allllllll the work to organise.
Is she impovrished to the point that she couldn't purchase each child a modest gift? Remove the tags from all but ONE gift for each child and replace the others with a a gift tag from you and your husband.
LOL granny doesn't want the kids to feel "disappointed" but won't they be much more disappointed when there are no presents from mom and dad? And SHAME on your husband who told her she could do this without asking you first. Is he normally this much of a mommy's boy?