MIL pierces baby's ears without consent, 'I'll report what she did to the police.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to let my mother or father in law look after my daughter anymore?"
I (32f) have a daughter (6months) with my husband (34m). My husband is from a culture where it's not uncommon to pierce baby girls' ears. His mother started pestering me about getting my daughter's ears pierced from a few days after she was born.
I made it clear that I would not be doing that, and that I'd be waiting until she's old enough to ask for it herself. I don't think it's relevant, but we live in my country, where piercing babies' ears isn't common at all. It's not illegal, but it's certainly not common.
My mother-in-law was looking after her at the weekend and decided to pierce them without my knowledge or consent. When I saw this, I about threw a fit. She was crying in pain, and I actually took her to the doctor to get their advice on whether or not to take them out (our family doctor removed them as they were clearly bothering her).
I decided at that moment that my mother-in-law and everyone else on that side of the family (except for my sister-in-law, who's on my side about this) is going to have no alone contact with my daughter ever again (or at least until she's a teenager).
My worry is that she'll do the same thing again, and to be frank, she's lost my trust entirely. I also told her that if she had a problem with that, I'd report what she did to the police. My husband is on my side, but he doesn't think it's as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. Am I being unreasonable here?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
rarelybarelybipolar said:
NTA. Your in-laws caused your child pain doing something you specifically said not to do. Boundary violations don’t get much more egregious than that. This was your MIL doing something she wanted to do to your kid regardless of what the parents have decided and what’s actually best for your daughter, but it was also a test.
If she could stomp all over your perfectly clear boundaries for your child and get away with it, it would only get worse from here. You could expect her to completely disregard anything you said about how your child should be treated. If she continues to have unsupervised access to your kid, she’ll just take it as permission to do whatever the hell she wants. The only way to win is to not play that game.
Knittingfairy09113 said:
NTA. Your MIL made a body modification to your child against your express wishes. She thinks she has equal say over your child. That is a big deal and your husband should be taking this more seriously.
DUDEI82QB4IP said:
You must be very clear with your Mil (and anyone who sides with her) “You were told NO. You hurt our child. you broke our trust. You decided to do something we explicitly said we did not want for OUR child. You can’t be around our child unsupervised anymore as you’ve proven you are untrustworthy and unsafe. (And neither can people who’d support your actions."
Fit-Positive-4211 said:
NTA. I hate people who think its totally ok to just do things when you made it clear you wished not to. What a loser she is. She deserves it.
UnihornWhale said:
NTA. What she did is a HUGE breach of trust and shows massive disregard and disrespect for you as a parent. I’d say no visits for 3 months followed by no unsupervised visits for years.
If they don’t like it, you can extend the no visit timeline. I’m shocked someone let a grandma pierce a baby’s ears. Where I’m from, they require the parent. I wonder if she lied to get them to do it.
Your husband is underreacting. What happens if your daughter develops food allergies grandma decides aren’t real? What if she wants to get your little a pet you said no to? Make it clear this will not be tolerated.
CountryEntire9344 said:
You are not being unreasonable. Your decision to limit contact with your mother-in-law is a reasonable response to a breach of trust and a violation of your parental authority. Piercing a child's ears without the parents' consent is a serious matter, and your concerns about potential future actions are valid.
Communicate openly with your husband about your feelings, and ensure you both are on the same page regarding the boundaries you've set. Trust your instincts in protecting your daughter's well-being.