'My mother-in-law showed up to my son's daycare when he wasn’t even there.'
"My mother-in-law showed up to my son's daycare when he wasn’t even there."
Honestly I just need an outside opinion. My MIL (62) is generally a very helpful MIL. Every time we asked for her help to look after our son (almost 3) she’d be there & I will forever be eternally grateful to her for it.
Sure she needs very direct instructions on how to care for him (example: Egg for breakfast at 7:00, Banana for snack at 9:30, Macaroni and cheese for lunch at 12, naptime at 12:30 etc.) but she always handled it just fine.
This past saturday I (30F, 28 weeks pregnant) ended up in the hospital with flu that progressed to pneumonia & it could’ve been lethal if my husband hadn’t taken me to the hospital when he did.
So in the morning he called my MIL (his mom) to come look after our son for a few hours so he could take me to the ER. Unfortunately it was Womans Day that day & she probably had some plans with her boyfriend, which I know sucks, but I really didn’t choose that day as a day to potentially die on purpose.
She called him a few hours in when we’re planning on coming back and he told her he had no idea, since we didn’t even know what was wrong at that point. Eventually, when they told him I was going to stay in the hospital, he immediately left home to take over the care of our son…
But it was too late, she was already in a pissy mood when he made it back - he heard her talk to our son in a somewhat aggressive manner about how “Grandma is leaving IMMEDIATELY after mom and dad get home” & to top it all off, he forgot to bring her a flower for Woman's Day…
Which was probably the tip of the iceberg in her eyes. He was going to bring her one the next day, but the “damage” was already done. She started ignoring him completely.
She’s been ignoring him since Saturday, not asking once calling to check if they might need anything (our toddler wasn’t 100% healthy at that point yet either) or to at least ask how he’s doing.
Fast forward to Tuesday, which is when they finally let me go home. On Wednesday I took my toddler to daycare, despite being told to not go outside so soon after my pneumonia - so after my MIL’s sister found out I took him there myself, she called me and offered to take him & get him from daycare on Thursday and Friday, so I don’t over exert myself too much.
Mind you, at this point, there was still no sign about my MIL giving even the slightest shit about what is going on with either of us… I also didn’t want to bother her, knowing she’s been in a bad mood because of everything that’s happened.
So I gladly accepted her help, not thinking much of it. I let them know in the daycare that his aunt will be dropping him off & picking him up for the next two days and thought that was that.
Fast forward to today. I get a call from my sons daycare teacher, telling me they saw my MIL loitering inside the changing rooms of the daycare, looking like she was waiting for someone.
Not saying anything, not talking to anyone (only saying Hi to the teacher that saw her) just… Standing there. At 7am in the morning. My son usually gets there later. I mean what the actual eff.
What was the plan if she did see him get to daycare with her sister, his aunt? Would she start a scene right there and then? Why? I don’t get it. Apparently she left soon after she was spotted. My husband plans on going over to her house in the afternoon to talk to her about it. But I just want to know, am I overreacting on this or not?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
I'm a retired nurse who worked in high risk OB, and I'm a grandmother myself. The flu and pneumonia are serious in pregnancy, because you have a weakened immune system and less ability to fight off an infection.
Your MIL got inconvenienced by you getting sick when she had other plans. And then SO had the audacity to be a day late giving his healthy mother a flower while his wife was in the hospital and his toddler was sick. How dare you!/ s. And what "damage" was done to her? Please, tell us MIL, how we "damaged" you!
First step is for someone, ideally SO, to tell her how you were in the hospital and how sick you were. She was in the daycare where the children take off their coats. I believe she was hoping to see LO and maybe take the child with her, but staff saw her and she left.
Your MIL sounds mentally unstable and I would advise not using her for childcare. Visits should be supervised, no alone visits with your children. She has a temper, and a young child needs an adult with patience. I advise making other arrangements for child care when you are in the hospital having the baby.
If she throws a tantrum and punishes her son with the silent treatment because you were in the hospital at inconvenient timing, it’s probably a good idea not to consider her “very helpful,” just for your own sakes. She sounds loony. Not overreacting at all.
I’d seriously wonder about her mental state. I mean, it’s not like you PLANNED to get sick and have to go to hospital (and stay in hospital). I don’t understand why she so fucking angry, when a normal person would be understanding and concerned about you, the mother of her grandchild.
This bit about the flowers on Women’s Day? Seriously? I’m not diminishing women here. I AM one. I just don’t expect my son to give me flowers for it. Lastly, that bit about her hanging out in the changing room at your kids daycare is way OTT.
ESPECIALLY when she hasn’t been communicating with you and hubs. She’s likely jealous that her (hopefully more sane) sister was looking after her grandson for you. You’re not overreacting. This woman clearly has some issues. I’m not sure I’d want someone like that around my child.