I don’t know how to explain this but my bf of 4 years has a a noble surname and apparently same laws don’t apply to having certain noble names.
Like if you marry into a noble family you get that surname but that you can’t pass it down to your own family if you get divorced. I had no idea and I really don’t care since I come from a different culture where women don’t even take their husbands’ surname anyway.
My bf’s mother never really liked me. And she always mentioned that I’m not one of them. When confronted she makes it about me not being married yet. Now my bf and I are talking marriage she is in full panic mood.
We were invited to dinner with the rest of the family and people were happy about the news that we are talking about getting married (I think my bf has got the ring tbh and is waiting for the right moment).
My bf’s mother was rabid and restless going back and forth trying to listen in, then she literally yelled that “I couldn’t keep the name and give it to my children when we get divorced because it is a noble name."
Everyone was silent and I burst out laughing and I told her that I couldn’t care less about nobility since this is not Downton Abbey and that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to change my surname when we married.
She was shaking with anger and said that I would be honored to even get the name. I said let’s agree to disagree there, I would be honored to be my bf’s wife and nothing more. Many laughed at my comments especially the Downton Abbey one. She wasn’t pleased with the laughing.
Later my bf told me I was the ah for laughing at his mom. I should have taken the high ground. I don’t think that I was the ah, she was ridiculous and honestly she is the ah for talking about divorce before I even married my bf.
NTA. That was too ridiculous not to laugh at. But your boyfriend needs to start defending you from his sh%tty mom before becoming your fiance or the marriage won't work. He can't leave you on the front lines to be attacked by his mother like that.
NTA, your MIL can dish it out but can't take it. But is that really the family you want to marry into? Your MIL clearly doesn't like you- to the point she's trying to publicly humiliate and insult you (her intent, not necessarily meaning she was successful). Your husband to be is clearly on her side with all of this even though she's acting very badly.
You've got thick skin and stellar self confidence to laugh it off, but if MIL gets a little smarter combined with identifying your weak spot/a vulnerable moment for you and your husband doesn't have your back or tries to gaslight you again into believing you're in the wrong- how will you feel about that?
Don't wait until after the wedding to get this resolved. Address it as a condition of getting engaged that you'll see improvement with him siding with you and forming a meaningful partnership where you two are aligned and a fully functioning team.
Well technically she is not noble name either she married into it. I've never understood this MILs being over the top about a name that wasn't theirs to begin with by their own logic.
NTA - She started it. You finished it. If he’s a mama’s boy, RUN!
DON'T MARRY A MAMA'S BOY PLEASE GOD RUN AND SAVE YOURSELF.
NTA but the signs are starting to show that he will always make you apologize to her. Don’t marry a mommas boy!